Come Apart

I am losing it. I have had more than one come apart since December 19th (the beginning of my "holiday" with the Moma). It's a good thing my OB/GYN wrote me that script for Xanax. I have had to use it several (more than several) times. I promise, I have not become a junkie (lol), but oh how much easier it is to deal with 95 year old dementia when I am medicated.
She thinks our den (which was once the garage and is one step down from the kitchen) is outside. She refers to it as "out there". She just said, "Hurry up and come back in, I miss you when you are out there". If I had to count the times we have had the SAME conversations over and over, I'd need a scientific calculator or ??? Well, something! I don't do math.
She asks questions like "What is this?" But I know that even if I take a minute to explain to her what it is, she'll ask it again later. Her short term memory is NON-EXISTENT. However, she does remember that one of her nieces cannot visit her because she has to care for her husband who has Parkinson's Disease. Why can she remember that and not remember that 5 minutes ago she asked me what day it was????? Augh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My nerves are shot, I have to have a root canal Tuesday, and I just broke another tooth. Hurry 2008, get gone!

(sigh) Happy New Year........

Christmas 2008 Part II

Pardon the delay....just couldn't bring myself to post last night.

Where did I leave off? Oh yes! We left for Kerry's mother's house in a rain storm. Kerry got her to the car, and I carried the food. I rode in the back, so she could see where we were headed. When we got in and settled, she just sat quietly watching everyone. I fixed her plate, and sat her at the main table with all the adults. I chose to sit in the den with Rebekah and my nephews. She must have been entertaining because I heard a good bit of laughter from the dining room. Later when we were opening gifts, she got a pair of house shoes and a HUGE box of chocolate candy that I will repay Beth and Kevin for. (Oh yes....expect something dreadful to come your way soon!) She was ready to go home as soon as she opened her presents. But for the most part, she was good at Glenda's. I purposely left the hated candy in the car when we unloaded the gifts.
Christmas morning, we had to wake everyone up. We gathered in the den, as always, to open presents. I began handing them out, and she said, "Have y'all already eaten breakfast?" We told her we'd eat after we opened presents. She opened a present, then again said, "Did y'all already eat?" This happened over and over ad nauseum...........I can't even type it out because it would make me crazy all over again. Finally, needless to say, she got to eat.
She went from bad to worse. After our immediate family thing, we began to get ready for the extended family thing. Everyone was showering or dressing, putting things up, cooking, etc. She was rambling, rambling, rambling. She was in our gifts from the night before. I was moving things from the den into the study, and she was rambling through them as I moved them. She was asking a million questions. She wanted something to eat. She was cold. She wanted a drink. She couldn't be satisfied for 5 minutes. It was like being on the phone with a 3 year old in the room. Then....she remembered the candy. She began asking questions about whether we had found her candy. She'd leave the room, come back and ask again. Kerry blasted her and told her to hush or we wouldn't look for it. After hearing it for a solid hour (like a child), I went to the car and got it. I said, "If you give my dogs so much as ONE bite of this candy, I'll throw the whole box in the garbage can!!! Do you understand me???" She said, "Okay!" and trotted off to her room.
When the extended family came up, it was as if she was on stage. The truth is that if she were as cute as she thinks she is or if she were as cute as other people thinks she is, she'd be DANG cute. However, she is not cute or amusing. She is OBNOXIOUS, nasty, nosy, know-it-all, and irritating. I know, I know....I should be ashamed, but I am worn out. I am too old to have an infant to be responsible for. If I don't get out of this house soon............................

Christmas 2008 (Part I)

"Greeting cards have all been sent, the Christmas rush is through...." so eloquently put by Karen Carpenter. Christmas night is peaceful. All the packages under the tree are gone, the paper and bows in the trash. Food has been put in plastic containers in the refrigerator. Parents are looking for a peaceful corner while children play with their new things. Pets are full and exhausted. Yet, the lights on the tree still shine bright not knowing that Christmas is over.
Christmas night used to depress me. I remember as a young married couple making a pact with friends to always spend that night together, playing games, and keeping the spirit of the season alive one more night. Those friends are now divorced, and I have grown older and am no longer depressed by the peacefulness of Christmas night. I feel blessed. Tired but blessed.

You didn't tune in to hear my melancholy speech. You are curious about Moma's Christmas. Well, where to begin?? Christmas Eve morning I got her up to eat breakfast and get that out of the way so I could begin cooking for our family gatherings. Rebekah has been so much help. I couldn't have gotten anything done this year without her. Thanks baby girl!
During breakfast, I told Moma that she had to get a bath, expecting a fuss and fight. She very sweetly agreed that she did. She asked if she could lie down for a few minutes first, and of course, I said she could. When she finished eating, she got up from the table and started toward me. I didn't know what to expect. She smiled that crooked smile, and put her arms around my neck. She said, "Merry Christmas! I hope you have a good Christmas!" It was so sweet. She was so good the rest of the day. She took her bath without fussing about anything. She fussed and primped over dressing for the evenings gathering at Kerry's parents' house. She changed clothes about 3 times. And the most precious....when I mixed up the Red Velvet Cake I let her lick the beater. She and I stood side by side at the sink, licking cake batter just as we had done a million times some 40 years ago. I had a rush of emotion as I considered our reversed roles. What a precious Christmas blessing.
( Christmas part II to follow)

When is Christmas?

I have answered that question a million times today it seems. After I answered the favorite question, "What's today?" Then all of a sudden tonight about 8:00 she got this revelation that Christmas is Thursday!!!!!!!!!!!! And she went into panic mode. She wanted me to go to the bank and get her out $100 for Christmas. She was seriously freaking out. Then, as usual, we had this same conversation 6 more times. Finally, I said, "Moma, we are not going to talk about this any more tonight. I will handle it all tomorrow" (not sure how, since she doesn't have $100!). She slammed her cup on the table and said, "No, y'all don't ever want to talk to me about nothing!" Then she got up and went to bed! (Thank goodness).
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't condone people being mean to old people, but I do understand. This is truly a calling, just like teaching. Now, I do not have this calling.............God has blessed me with what I need on a daily basis to make it to another day, but this is not naturally easy for me. Not only is it not easy, it isn't pleasant. You just cannot be sweet and pleasant, kind and patient, and accepting all the time. It just isn't real. I used to visit older people and think their care takers were mean, but I am there! I understand, totally.
We are ready (almost nearly, but close) for Christmas. She is ready for it to be over, and the rest of us are excited; waiting on it to come! It's the most wonderful time of the year!
Merry Christmas to one and all!

Remember Lawrence Welk?

While eating our sandwiches tonight, Moma and I watched an old episode of Lawrence Welk on PBS. It was a Christmas show, and everyone had their children on the show. It brings back such warm sweet memories. My mother loved the show, and I remember her watching it.
After we ate, I was determined to put a new strand of lights on my tree where one went out (bah humbug! EVERY dang year!!!), so I got busy doing that. I could still hear the TV. The show was winding down, and Lawrence was introducing his family. Then, I heard "Nice to meet you" "Merry Christmas to you too" "Good to meet you" and so on. She was interacting with the show. What a hoot! Then as quick as it started, it was over. And as she left the kitchen, I heard her say, "I can't hear anything you're saying, you may as well hush!"
Happy Holidays!

Pictures

I made the mistake of pulling out pictures tonight. They asked us at school to bring a baby picture to put on a board for the kids to guess for a prize. So I was frantically searching since tomorrow is the last day. I heard her door open. I panicked. I wanted to grab the picture box and run out the door. See, food is not the only thing she makes me crazy over. She loves pictures, but she doesn't put them back in the pile they were in (like while I am searching or organizing), she asks a million questions ("Who is that?"), and she puts her fingers all over them. As soon as she saw me looking through pictures, she got so busy snatching and grabbing them, asking her questions, tossing them randomly on the table. I was secretly hoarding most of them under my arm. She asked if I'd leave them out so she could look at them tomorrow. I lied. "Yes, I sure will!" After I chose the pictures that I wanted to hold out, I closed up the box and lit out to the basement to carefully return them to their safety. When I came back she had the ones I held out strewn all over the table, and she was pointing to a water ring. "Hee-un! Get this water up so those pictures don't get wet! HEY!" I guess she thought I was ignoring her because I was getting the pictures up FIRST. She started out of the room, and under her breath, I heard her say, "I don't give a shit". Nice. This is my little grandmother. Merry Christmas.

Gadsden Christmas Parade

As you know, local cable shows the Christmas parade like 900 times during December. Moma has watched it 3 nights in a row, and it has been brand new every night! It is precious! She gets so excited too! She just walked into the den and said, "Hey, the parade's over. I'm going to bed" as if that is what she lives for.
She is still closing that bedroom door, and I swear I think she sleeps better. I know she doesn't ramble as much.
We moved furniture out of Moma's house this afternoon. I handed the keys to the new owner. I still have to go back and clean out the trash and get a few small items. It was kind of sad. She lived in the house from the time she was 7 years old until last year. And I spent MANY years growing up in my grandmother's home. I spent many nights with her, where we knelt by her bed and said prayers before we went to bed, where she taught me (and Rebekah) to bake cakes, where I learned to love a bath because she let me fill the tub to my chin. In this little house, where love abounded, I learned to hang out clothes on a line to dry, climb a tree, dust furniture using polish, not the vacuum cleaner. Yes, this is such a special little house.
As we brought in her sofa and chair to my den (for lack of a better place), she came into the room and said, "Where'd y'all get that crap?" We said, "Moma! from your house!" She said, "That ain't mine...."
Precious.

The Wedding

I tried to talk Sherry and Kyle out of this. I told them she could not be quiet. I told them she was very inappropriate, demanding, and extremely high maintenance. But no....Kyle wanted her there. His grandparents (mine and Sherry's parents) could not be there, so he wanted HER there. So, the preparations began. I called the hair dresser to see if she'd be willing to meet me at the beauty shop on Saturday, even though she doesn't work on Saturdays. She was. I searched through her closet for something appropriate to wear. I made preparations for someone to be here in case Kerry had to bring her home. It's like having a baby or small child
So, the day began. She walked the floors in the wee hours of the morning. I ran her back to bed twice. Then about 7:30, she woke me up. I just finally got up. Now if you know me, I am not pleasant upon arising. I don't speak, so don't expect it. I am moving by memory, no thought processes are happening, no brain activity, strictly going through the motions that I have grown accustomed to. She is talking, talking, talking. I am not responding. Finally, I wake up, and begin to speak. But today, she is lost as a goose. She has no clue what the day is, where we are going, who I am , etc. She didn't even know what her oatmeal was. Looked at it like it was something brand new. And although normally when she is confused she is very passive and sweet, but not today. No today, nothing pleases her. "This coffee is cold". "Where are we going?" "Well, I'll be glad when this mess is over". Sigh....I delivered her to the beauty shop and promised to return in one hour. We took her hair dresser a Christmas gift, but she had rambled all through it. I only hope it was all there. When I picked her up, I had to fix her lunch, and go lay out her clothes. She wanted to sit in the den while I fixed her lunch. She wanted the TV on. She wanted it on a good program. She wanted something to drink. She wanted a cookie or something sweet. Get the picture? All these requests came about 5-7 minutes apart. In other words, just as soon as I completed one task, she came up with another one. The entire time, she was WHINING about not wanting to go to the wedding/birthday party (they became interchangeable).
We had to leave early for pictures. The wedding was to be at 4:00, but for some reason, we had to be there at 2:00. I had to wake her to make her re-dress. She kept lying there, but I wouldn't leave her alone. She finally got up and begin dressing. She complained more about not wanting to go, and wanting this wedding *&^% to be over. I had to remind her that this is Kyle's big day, not hers, and she could not hurt his feelings over this. We finally head out the door. She starts telling me that this will probably be her last trip out. She said she is just past going (and I agree). As we back out of the driveway, she begins saying, "Help us Lord. Help us. Oooooh Lord..." I was about to tell her to stop it because she is such a drama queen and takes on about nothing, but I stopped when she said, "Oooooh Lord, help me. I'm about to embarrass my young'uns". I nearly wrecked the car.
We started down the mountain, and had to turn back because the Tuscaloosa Ave. Christmas parade had the road blocked. That put us behind about 15 minutes. I called Sherry and she said not to hurry, the photographer was way behind. The entire ride to Glencoe, she whined about not wanting to go, and almost in the same breath she'd ask where we were going. I counted 9 questions concerning our destination in a 12 mile radius. We arrived at the church and I ushered her in. The sanctuary was practically empty but she talked loud. I knew this was not good. She asked a million questions. She wanted some gum. She wanted water. She was miserable, and she was making me miserable. We had to move for something the photographer wanted to do (which should have been done first, but nobody asked me). Anyway, she complained about that. OH I WANTED TO SCREAM!!!! I kept saying, "I cannot kill her here! This is Kyle's wedding!" I jest, but I was so irritated with her.
Kerry and Rebekah got there just before the wedding began. Kerry was to take her into the room behind the sanctuary where she could watch the wedding, but not be heard (grunting, commenting, and hacking up a loobie). Rebekah and I sat on the back row and critiqued the event. Later, I found out that Kerry had to tackle her as she was about to knock on the window to let me know where she was. Then she kept saying that she was cold and about to pee in her pants, so he waited for the wedding party to enter the sanctuary, and he took her out. When they got outside, she said, "That was a mess. That was my first and last graduation. I ain't never coming again, I don't care who is graduating!" Kerry never corrected her. He laughed all the way home.

My friend............

Nothing about Moma tonight.
Just wanted to dedicate this post to my precious friend Jean Osborn. She went to live with Jesus sometime in the night Tuesday or Wednesday. She was a very active, loving friend. She graduated with my Dad at Emma Sansom, grew up in Alabama City, raised her kids at Dwight Baptist Church, and treated me like family. She was a wonderful elementary school teacher at Hokes Bluff and Westbrook for many years. She was very accepting and tolerant of others.
Here's to you Jean. I know Frank is happy you are with him again!
I love you.

Different but still crazy

Moma is going through some different things. She is changing moods more quickly. I can see several personalities within one hour. She closes her door when she goes to her room, and she cannot be still. She isn't sleeping as much at night as she used to. She is just different, can't really describe it any better.
Tonight, she had her smarty britches on. We ordered Domino's Pizza and the new sandwiches for supper. She and I had a sandwich, Kerry had pizza. She complained about the sandwich being tough, so she asked for pizza. SHE HATES PIZZA!!!!!!!!!!! But you know, she HAS to have what everyone is eating. You dare not eat anything she doesn't have. She inspects everyone's plates while we eat. Nothing would do but that she eat some pizza. I can't tell you how many times I get up during a meal to wait on her, like she is in a restaurant. She kept demanding things: more tea, get me some of that pizza, get me a glass of water, here (hee-unh) throw this away, and on and on. I raised my voice to her, and then Kerry got on to her. She pouted. The dogs came in (remember we have to banish them to the deck or their crates while the princess eats), and she got in the garbage to drag them out some scraps. I had to wrestle the food out of her hand. It was an ugly scene. Kerry had to get on to her again. She was soooooooooooooo mad. She went to her room and slammed the door.
Later, she came out (MANY TIMES) but she started rambling in a Christmas present I had prepared to take to school. I told her to get out of it, and she said, "Shet-up". I went into the kitchen and told her to not tell me to shut up again. Then she proceeded to tell me how dry my plants are, and asked if she could water them. I told her that I would do it. She stood over me, watching. She said, "Why didn't you soak it?" I said, "These plants don't require a lot of water". She said, "What do you know about it?" Then she argued about everything. Kerry finally came in there and sent her to bed. He told her that he hated to be ugly but she was being ugly to me. Wow! She looked at me like she could run right through me. She stormed to her room and slammed the door. I am beginning to like a closed door.

Why do you hate me?

Today Moma asked me, "Why do you hate me?" I admit, I had fussed at her a good bit but why??? Because she has rearranged my entire house all day. She moves things I am using. She moves things and I cannot find them. When I tell her to stop, she snaps on me and tells me to "put it up" or "get it out of here" like I am intruding in her home.
I have this long strand of garland that I put on my front door every year. This year, the storm door (which in new) pulls it inside every time it is opened. So I took it down until I can figure out another thing to do with it. I laid it temporarily in my rocking chair. Every time she goes by it, she throws it in the floor next to the Christmas tree. Why? Only Mildred can answer that. I put it back, she throws it in the floor. I put it back, she throws it in the floor. We also play that same game with the back door. She closes it, I open it. She closes it, I open it.
So my answer when she asked me why I hated her? I said, "I don't hate you. You drive me crazy messing with my things and moving things around, but just because I fuss, I don't hate you". She looked at me and said, "Where is your husband?" sigh..................

Where do you want me to sit?

Moma asked me the craziest questions yesterday. "Where do you want me to sit?" "Whurr?" "Who brought me up here?" "Where do I sleep?" "Is there somewhere I can lay down?" And she asked them over and over. Strange.
Today's question was "Where is Kerry?" and "Is Kerry at work?" Over and Over and Over and Over...............ad nauseum.
Later, she was a busy body and a grumpy one at that! She argued, she rambled....UGH!
Then tonight, she gave me a dollar for my Christmas present because she just wanted to give me something because I am so nice to her. Then she hugged me. Strange.
I never know which personality will show up.

One more thing....

Just once, I'd like to get my bath like a normal woman. I am one of those women who look forward to her bath. I bonded with my mother-in-law because she loves her bath as much as I do. I want it up to my chin, hot and steamy, bubbles not necessary but appreciated. I want to linger as long as I can, read if possible, listen to music, and from time to time burn candles rather than lights. Yes, you can say, I enjoy a good bath. But now.....as soon as I begin to draw the water, Moma bangs on the the door and busts in saying "Let me pee". I turn off the water, and let her have it. Then, when she is finished, I go back in and begin again. Just about the time I sink into my awaited tub, she starts banging on the door. I have to pull the drawer across the door to lock it as our doorknob is messed up and will lock you in for real, so we disengaged the locking device. So, she bangs the door against the drawer as hard as she can SEVERAL times barking random ignorant things. I've heard: "Hhhha ney (we aren't sure who this is) this is Mildred, let me in" and "HEY! TURN ON SOME HEAT!" and "Who's in there?" and "THELMA!!!" Needless to say, my concentration on my music, book, or prayer is broken. And she does this SEVERAL times while I attempt to bathe. Then, precious as she is, she leaves the door ajar against the drawer. Now it is a small opening, but it is just enough to cause a draft that freezes me, not to mention allowing the deafening volume of her TV to penetrate the soothing sanctuary of my nightly bath.
All I want for Christmas is a hot bath in peace.

Whiiiiiining

Now, nobody hates whining like ME! I spent ten years teaching kindergarten listening to little girls (and a few boys) singing everything they said. It was like an eternal country song. But....I must do a little whining myself. In advance, I ask for forgiveness.
The grunting is so bad that I want to drive a nail in my forehead. She has more of a growl, than a grunt. And it is NEVER ENDING!!!!!!! When we bring it to her attention, and ask her to breathe through her nose, she over does it and over exaggerates it. Then she uses her favorite phrase, "I can't help it". Standing over me grunting, growling, sighing, and coughing makes me totally crazy! Aughhhhh!!!
Next what drives me crazy is the rambling and roaming through my house. She opens every bag, rambles through my purse, moves and rearranges things on the table, the counter, and the bar. She steals little things. She stumbles and staggers like a drunk, but that doesn't stop her endless roaming and rambling. And of course, while she is roaming, she is grunting.
The next complaint is that she asks the same questions over and over and over. "What's today?" "What time is it?" "Where's your momma?" And that is only 3 of the 40 questions I answer over and over every day. It's like that episode of Grey's Anatomy where those 3 women were in a car accident, and one had head trauma. Izzy Said "She resets about every 15 minutes" I said, "BINGO!" That is what Moma does, and she has had NO head trauma.
One of the biggest things I hate is how nasty she is. She will drink after anyone. You must watch your drink because she'll grab it. You can never use any of the towels in the bathroom, because you don't know what she has wiped with it. She rubs random creams and potions on her back side, so I have to hide mine behind lock and key. Okay, I have ranted about this kind of thing before. So....I'll stop.
Another thing I absolutely cannot stand is a new one. She is eating like a lost dog. I mean, every 30 minutes, she is ready for a new meal or snack. She can get up from a meal, go to her room, and return in 10 minutes hunting something to eat. I need some help here. Has she forgotten that she just ate? Is she really hungry? The doctor had her on Megase (spelled wrong probably) which is to aid her appetite. Well we weaned her off of it because she is eating so well. Now that she is not taking this appetite aid, she is eating like mad!! I am wondering if the medicine was holding her back. This is seriously a problem. She begs food from other people, no matter who they are. She wants a "bite" of everything anyone eats. The only way to keep her from wanting what you have is to eat when she eats and to eat exactly what she eats. IT IS DRIVING ME ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone have any thoughts on this??
And yes, in case you wondered, she is still feeding my dogs, and making me nuts!
So....am I mean? Is this ugly? No, it is reality. My whole purpose for writing this blog was to be a support or encouragement to someone who may experience this in their life. I get so tired of all the sappy sweet "grandma living with us" stories. People need to know, it is NOT fun. It is work! It is a full time job, and it never goes away. It is tiring, stressful, and not pleasant. So, why do I do it? I do it because a) she is my grandmother b) she raised me, this is the least I can do for her c) my parents would want me to do this d) she is my responsibility, not a nursing home, not the government and finally e) I don't want someone to be mean to her. I mean, I want to kill her 40% of the time, so I know how obnoxious she would be to folks who don't know her. It is the RIGHT thing for me to do. I am just being brutally honest.
Is it worth it? Yes it is. I have no regrets.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today is Thanksgiving, and what I am most thankful for today is that my sister and her family were not seriously hurt in the wreck they had last night. They were sitting still at a red light when a lady in a Yukon rear ended them at full speed. It probably completely totaled the truck they were in. Scary.....but thankfully God was with them.
Moma had a good day. She spent the day with us at Kerry's parents' home. She ate and ate and ate. I cannot believe what all she ate. Then when we got home, she laid down for a little bit, then got up and wanted something to eat.....and nearly drove me crazy about was I going to cook supper!!! Heavens!
I made chocolate oatmeal cookies (some people call them another name) and she has worried to death that she would not get her fair share. She's had 5 since we got home!!! I don't know where all she puts that food.
Here's hoping the holiday season is wonderful for you! Tomorrow is the big shopping day! Countdown begins.

NEWSFLASH!

MOMA GOT A PERM!!!!!!!!!!!

2 Days Later

We are on the mend! No more vomit or......the other. She is very weak, "swimmy headed" (lol, I have always loved that term), and tired. She has slept so much, but I am sure she is worn out. She ate supper tonight for the first time since Sunday. She has only had broth and tea up until tonight.
Kerry and I are due to leave for Gatlinburg Thursday! My night time sitter is trying to get sick, my kids are both sick, and Moma is recovering. Please pray that we get to go! I need this break (plus I buy 97% of my Christmas presents in Gatlinburg!). It was last year on our Gatlinburg trip when this little journey began. She was attacked on November 10th or 11th last year (according to whether it was after midnight or not). I do not want this year's trip to have a surprise!
She cannot understand what is wrong with her. It's like she forgot she threw up everywhere and did the "other" for 12 hours. And another funny thing, she has moved her head to the other end of the bed, and rearranged the night table and her potty. I changed her sheets tonight and fixed it back. Let's see if she moves it tomorrow.
Even though I am a "summer" person, I do love this time of year. Thanksgiving and Christmas bring out the very best in people! It is a time to realize that it is not all about us.

Happy Anniversary Baby....

23 years ago, I was on my honeymoon! Ah...young and scared, not sure why, but I was scared to death that night. lol Tonight for my anniversary celebration, Moma had a stomach virus! Kerry and I went out to eat, and came home to vomit! It was every where! At first I couldn't decide if she had fallen and hit her head, or what. Then I thought she'd had a coughing spell, and made herself throw up. But regardless, there was chicken noodle soup recycled all over my former sewing room floor. And when that was cleaned up......guess what started?? Yum...This has certainly been a memorable anniversary. I must give props to my sweetheart of 23 years. Without him, I'd have already killed Moma! lol He has been WONDERFUL throughout this little journey.
I had a friend make a lemon pound cake for Ker for our day. Moma was so scared she wasn't going to get her fair share. She told me today to wrap her up a couple of pieces in a napkin to take to her room. lol She is so greedy.
She had a bath today, got her hair washed, nice clean gown and housecoat.....and now she smells like the sewer. Will I work tomorrow? Should I? I hate for the sitter to get sick, and not be able to stay the rest of the week, especially the end because we are going to Gatlinburg, but then again, I need to work. My head hurts from all the candles we have burned to try to kill the "other" odor. Gag......
Sorry for the graphic post, but that is part of it. Times like these, I wonder what I was thinking moving her in with me. I have never really liked old people, and I cannot stand to be around sick people (sorry just being honest here). I asked God to give me what I needed to do this. Tonight I really leaned on Him for help. I only gagged twice. Applause, applause to my big sister. She came and helped me clean up the latter of the nasties. ugh......

In Search of Marie.........

One of our new obsessions is Marie. Marie has been dead for YEARS! In fact, she may have even died before her mother did (Her mother being Aunt Grace). "Has Marie and them been by here today?" was her question this afternoon when I got home. Personally, I hope Marie hasn't been by. I never cared for Marie, but then again, I didn't really know her all that well. Her sons were fun. I think one was close to my age. We played a good bit together over my aunt's house. I was never close to any of Aunt Grace's grandchildren, and I don't know why. Marie's boys were it. Never really knew the others. Maybe they were older than me. Moma is the baby, and Aunt Grace was older than her. But anyway, if you have a Marie sighting, please let us know.

Another thing that is happening is "they" and "us". She is constantly saying, "They want us to do this or they want us to keep the door closed", etc. Kerry asked her tonight, "Who is THEY?" She couldn't answer. She just looks blankly at me. Of course, he got on her so bad tonight about everything, she asked me to tell him to "Shet-up". lol I told him that for once, HE was getting on HER nerves! His answer? It's about time.

Unwrapped

Well, again today, Moma has just been unwrapped. She has just gotten here. She didn't know that Aileen was dead. She doesn't know who she is supposed to ride with. She was supposed to talk to someone about money. She needs to get her hair washed and set. But she really needs a "permnunt". She didn't know Aileen was dead. Why don't some of her people call? She wants me to mark her off the list, she ain't got no money. Every meeting she goes to, all they want is money money money. She took a bath the other day. That man gave her one. She didn't know Aileen was dead. FEEL MY PAIN????????????????????
All my sympathy to my friend Sally, whose mother passed away today after battling Alzheimer's disease. She went peacefully in her sleep. Sally, you are in my prayers.

Brand New Once Again

Today, Moma is BRAND NEW once again. She wants to know who brought her here, and why her people don't want her to live with them. She doesn't want to stay here anymore because this is a public place. She wants "them" to sell her house, and come get her and take her to "some of their houses". She started out the day pleasant, but as the day wore on...........Crazy Mazy.....She is sleeping now. Maybe she'll stay asleep through the night. Fingers crossed...

Laughter

Laughter is so important to me. It always has been, and my grandmother is a big reason that I love to laugh. She and I have been big buddies all my life. She'd tell me stories about when she was young (and mean). I'd laugh and laugh at her. My mother would say, "She's showing out now" when she'd get on a roll with her old stories. I loved them, and cut my teeth on them. I've heard them so many times that I can tell them with her word for word.
Moma had a very stressful day. She was a little nervous and confused because of some outside sources, but when we sat down at the table to eat, she came to life! I don't know if she had so much relief to be at home with us, or if she just had a random sane moment, but she started talking and laughing. She had us hysterical! Then I started asking her questions about the stories she had told me all my life, and to be quite honest....for the first time in a LONG time, it felt like my little grandmother was living again. She remembered them all and told them EXACTLY the way I remembered them. We laughed and laughed! The more we laughed, the more she talked. It was precious! My goal....to get her to tell the stories again on video before the angels come for her.
Tonight was truly a blessing!

Rambling Rose

Today has been a rambling day. I took a day off for ME, and ONLY ME today. I did what I could for the economy.....I shopped for awhile! lol Anyway, when I got home, she was so excited with all my packages. Then the UPS guy came with a box of things the sitter and I ordered from LTD. She thought it was Christmas. She got so excited!! I refused to open the box until she went to her room. Then she came in after I opened it and went through everything. She even rambled through the towels on my bed I dumped out to fold. She has been busy busy since I got home today.
Then tonight while Kerry and I were in the den watching TV (okay, HE was watching TV, I was on the computer), she came to the den door and announced, "I would like some ice cream". It was like she was 4 years old. It amazes me how much she eats, and never gains an ounce. I should be so lucky!

Nonsense

I have had more ignorant conversations in the past week than I care to EVER again. We had an "Abbott and Costello" type conversation yesterday about the heat. It went something like this:
Moma: Is your husband at home?
Me: No, he is playing golf, why?
Moma: I need someone to turn on the heat
Me: The heat is on Moma
Moma: Not in my room
Me: Yes it is (suddenly remembering that she refers to her electric blanket as heat sometimes) Let me check.
Moma: Okay...(follows me down to her room)
Me: See (showing her the control) This light means it is on. See??
Moma: Does that mean the heat will come out of there? (pointing to the vent)
Me: No, that runs on a thermostat. (seeing her confused look) When the house cools off, the heat will come on
Moma: I don't understand it
Me: (pointing to a blanket she has taken off her bed) There is one of your blankets. You need to put that back on your bed.
Moma: Does the heat come out of that?
Me: No
Moma: Well, who can we call?
Me: (covering my eyes) Who can we call about WHAT????
Moma: the heat
AAACKKKKKK!!!!!!!!! Ignorant conversation is not for me.

Saved!

Okay, a comment was posted by my most loyal reader! Thanks JC! I know you have walked in my shoes, and you are great comfort and support to me and all the madness in my life. I know you enjoyed having that big boy here visiting!
Last night, while Grey's Anatomy was on, Moma came into the den. Now, she is like a child in that, when I am watching one of my favorite shows that I never miss unless there is a death, here she comes with nonsense. Sort of the same way she talks to me and asks me questions while I am on the phone. She came to the door of the den and motioned for me to come there. I said, "What?" She said, "Com-mere" I got up and walked toward her, "What???" She said, " I wanted to ask you.......uh....uh....." I move back toward the couch where I was sitting. So she leans over Kerry in the recliner and said, "Are y'all afraid to pray for me?" He said, "WHAT??" She repeated. "Are y'all afraid to pray for me?" He said, "No..why?" Well, she continued with some more nonsense that I ignored because Grey's was back on. Then I heard her say, "Well anyway, get your wife over here and y'all pray for me, and I'll get out of your hair". Kerry was dumbfounded. I was in total denial, continuing to watch Grey's. She finally said, "Well, y'all are more interested in watching that TV than praying...mumble mumble...." as she left the den. Now, know this! If she were dying, sick, or anything serious, I'd pray over her. I pray for her every day. I knew this was part of her nonsense. Just like she told me the other night to "make out everything we own to the Church of God". Okaaaayyyy.......so what would we buy her meds and diapers with? And how would we pay her sitter? and? and? She lives on another plane.

HELLO????????????

Is anyone reading?? Does anyone still follow my blog?? I need a comment here and there people! I'm not high maintenance, just like a little reassurance that someone is reading! No more posts until someone comments! lol
This is a test, this is only a test.....

Poor Dog

This evening, Moma was talking to the dog, and she leaned over to pet him and spilled a whole glass of tea all across the table, in her house coat and onto the floor. She snarled her mouth, looked at poor Shula and said, "Look what you caused!". Blame it on the dog!

Just once...

Just once, can I run my bath water and take a bath without Moma trying her best to get in the bathroom with me? It NEVER fails, every time I begin running my bath water, she comes in and says, "Are you about to take a bath? Well, can I pee first?" UGHHHHHH! I turn off the water, and storm out. and she always says, "Hon, you don't have to leave..." Oh yeah, like I want to sit in the bath tub while she strains and grunts and makes faces. She'll roll off a mile of toilet paper, and wipe and wipe and wipe some more. She always looks at it, makes a face, and wipes some more. UGHHHHHHHHH!!! When she finally comes out, I go in and open the drawer across the door because our door won't catch. I never get past the hair washing stage before she is banging the door on the drawer wanting in. She either wants to wash off her teeth, wash her hands, or use the bathroom again. But tonight....she kept trying to get in to wash off her teeth, and I kept saying "NO, you can when I get out!" So, when I opened the door to come out, I heard her say, "Well...you're too late! I already took care of it! You're tooooo late!" Yes, precious princess the world revolves all around you!!!

Change=Confusion and Madness

My sister has thrown a wrench in the works. She asked the sitter to swap days with her. She plans to come sit tomorrow and the sitter will come on Wednesday like my sister usually does. I am not sure whose idea it was to tell my grandmother this, but NOT A GOOD IDEA!!! Moma has walked the floors tonight worrying about who was coming, and what they were going to do. Finally, she concluded that Grace (her dead sister) would be coming, "not to take me out anywhere". "She is just coming to talk to me." She is convinced that someone is coming with Grace. I finally sent her to bed and told her that life was too short to do all that worrying. She talked out crazy nonsense in her sleep. I cuddled up with the baby monitor for my personal entertainment. I am a sick individual.

HoW mUcH iS a PeRmAnEnT????

If I have to answer that question once more today......augh!! We have discussed permanents and their cost, who is in charge of her money, and other random nonsense today. She is like the head injury patient on Grey's Anatomy 2 weeks ago. She resets about every 15-20 minutes. She has no clue that we have had that conversation before. She is seriously innocent in that, but that is one of the things that makes me want to smother her. lol That and the dang grunting!!!!!!!!!!! She will stand over me and grunt, and moan, and growl and huff and puff. Enough whining....
Today, after her bath, she wanted to go out on the swing. I tried to get her not to because I had washed her hair. But she said she wouldn't stay long. I went to check on her, and she was walking around with her diaper in her hand. She claimed it "fell off". Yeah, okay....whatever.

Xanax is my friend

Today was more than I can handle. She got Tylenol PM at 6:00pm and will get more at 10. I took Xanax.
No discussion. I am worn out. I am completely spent.

Every Day a New Adventure

Every day in the life of my grandmother is a new adventure. Today, she is bossy and argumentative. She wants so desperately to be in charge. She moves things, rearranges things, takes things, etc. I want to wring her little wrinkled neck! Yesterday, she was obsessed with the empty hangers on the door knobs. I put them there, so that when I go to the laundry room (in the basement) I will see them as I pass, and will take them with me. They drive her insane. I caught her going out the front door with a load of hangers in her hand "taking them to the street". SHE IS MAKING ME A LUNATIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, imagine having someone move into your home and insist on having her way about everything. If you don't handle it as soon as she wants, she will handle it herself in whatever completely asinine way she sees fit. UGH!!! Today, she was completely obsessed with eating supper. She wanted it at 3:50. I wanted to wait until Kerry got home. I held her off until 4:30. I started getting it ready, and she was up under me, like a kitten with a lion's roar. She bossed and directed. She asked questions. She accused Kerry of not being at work. She believed he was playing golf. AUGH!!! Then she wanted to feed the dogs. "Why?" she kept asking when I'd tell her no. I finally got up and put my precious dog in his crate to shut her up. As time moves on, it is less and less funny.....more and more exasperating....I am tired.

FREEEEEEZING

"Ain't y'all got no heat???" Moma asks about every 20 minutes. She has 4 blankets on her bed and one of them is electric!!! She won't stay in her bed long enough to get warm. She is too worried about what I am doing or who is in the hall closet or.....? lol Let the temperature drop a bit and she is freeeeezing. Whatever. I know she is old, and I know she is cold natured, but.....we are not turning on the heat to only have to turn the air back on. We go through this short period of the house being too cold or too hot at the beginning of winter and summer. Get past it.
Today she cannot get filled up. She has eaten something every few minutes. She has had a bite of everything in the house. Kerry had a meeting tonight, so I fixed us a sandwich since it was only the two of us. So when Kerry came home, she said, "She ain't got nothing good to eat". Like she was telling on me! I told her that her worms had had enough to eat! But of course, as I type, she is scraping the bottom of her ice cream bowl.
Happy Fall Y'all!

Farewell to summer....

I know summer was officially over in September, but I feel like here in Alabama, our summers overlap into October. The temperature usually does. It is so sad when I see all the summer things go on clearance. I went to Lowe's this weekend, and all the summer things were being moved and the Christmas trees put in their place. Summer is my favorite season (although I love all the seasons!), but summer holds a special place in my heart.
As a little girl, summers were spent in the sunshine of my backyard while my grandmother hung out clothes, playing with my dog "Puddin'", swinging on my swing set. My Dad would take us swimming on his days off. We also used to play in the back alley digging holes. The man behind us who used the back alley complained to my grandmother. She defended us to him and then told me to get back there and fill it back up! She used to say, "You march yourself in this house". lol As I grew older, and didn't need someone to "keep" me while Mother worked, I spent summers sleeping late, watching TV, and EATING! While Mother was out of the house, I ate everything! lol Later I spent many summers in college, then working, then having babies. I never liked the sun as a younger person because of my fair skin, but after my babies were born, I became this sun goddess. I love to lie in the sun with a book and a Diet Dr. Pepper. I baked my skin to the point that I am no longer prone to burn. But this past summer was the end of a journey I made with 10 other people. I began my Ed.S. with 10 total strangers (most of them from Georgia) and ended it graduating with 10 friends. Several of them became very special to me! I love you guys!! You know who you are. There will be other summers, and more memories.
Ahhhh reminiscing. Okay, enough.
Today, Moma has not slept more than 15 minutes at a time. She has not been as nasty as before, but she has been busy. I bathed her today, and made her wash her hair. She hated that! And tonight...she called me Peggy. Precious.
Oh! One funny...today while I thought she was asleep, I went out to pull up my geraniums for winter and had to go in for some water. There she stood holding herself and grunting. She looked up and saw me coming in. She said, "I need some help down there in my room!" I said, "Help doing what?" She said, "Well, after that bath deal, my room is torn up!" I walked down the hall...the "torn up room" consisted of her bath chair not being back in her room, no bag in her garbage can (because I emptied it), and her potty chair moved back so I could empty her garbage. Torn up....wonder what she thinks about my house?

Here she comes....boogidy boogidy

Remember that Ray Stevens song The Streak? When we see or hear Moma coming, we all now chime in with "Here she comes, boogidy boogidy" like he does in the song. My son sings his own rendition of it, but it is not suitable for online publishing! lol
Last night she was a little subdued, more cooperative, almost sweet. Although the sitter reported her being crabby. So today when I got home, and the sitter reported "crabby" yet again, I was hoping she'd be subdued again. Well...no.
She nearly loses her mind over when we are going to eat. Kerry was late getting home, so Christopher and I ordered pizza (which she hates!) and I sent him to get it. Meanwhile, I fixed her some chicken noodle soup, thinking that was a good choice since the weather is cool tonight. She ate, and went promptly to her room to watch "Wheel", the preference of all old people I know. (I don't get it). Anyway, Kerry came in before the pizza arrived. He predicted that she would swear that she had not eaten. No sooner than Christopher came in with the pizza, she strolled into the kitchen and declared, "Well I see you started without me". We all fell out laughing. No amount of argument was going to convince her that she had JUST eaten and that she did not like pizza. Nothing would do but that I give her a piece, which she took 2 bites off and tried to give to everyone in the room. Then she was going to feed it to the dogs. We always put the dogs on the deck while she eats, so jokingly, I told her if she fed that pizza to my dogs, I'd put her on the deck. We all laughed. I could tell she had no clue what was so funny. lol
She finally settled down and went to her room. About 20 minutes ago, I caught her in my bathroom (where she gets in most of her trouble) prowling through the closet in there where I have stashed all my things to keep her out of them. There is one of those hook and eye locks way up high on the door, but she used her cane to pop that open. All my Bath and Body Works lotions was strewn all over the closet. My shampoo and conditioner which I also had to take away from the tub area was strewn. She had put the dog shampoo in the container with our toothbrushes and my contacts. (I recycled laundry detergent buckets to store all my things in to keep her from messing with them in their NORMAL places). She had moved towels, squeezed out conditioner from a tube, dumped out Q-tips. It was as if a 4 year old had been in the closet playing. SHE WAS....augh! Needless to say, I lost it with her. She knew I was mad, and I don't care. I am so sick of her messing in my stuff. That is my one pet peeve. RAMBLING!!! and MESSING!!! I threatened her with locking her in her bedroom at night. She said I'd be sorry if I did. She'd probably throw things out the window.
I know this is a long post but I must share the events of the wee hours of this morning. I heard the water running in my bathroom. It ran and ran. I got up, thinking it was at least 5:00. There the precious princess stood in my bathroom with soap up to her elbows, the water running, and she was picking up everything in my bathroom, just piddling. My things (obviously) are now in the closet so most of the things coated in a film of soap are hers, but still. She had taken the Lysol wipes (for the toilet, when she soils it, which is many times a day) and was wiping her arms with them. I was ready to stomp her. I grabbed the towel, wiped off the counter, stuck her hands under the water, then turned it off. Threw (yes, I threw it) a towel at her and said, "Dry your hands! and get your tail in the bed!!!" Then I proceeded to let the dogs out because I thought it was 5ish. Nope it was 2:00. I had to put the dogs back up, and get back in the bed. I couldn't hardly sleep for fuming at her.
If you are a praying person, please pray for me. I asked God last November to bless me with what I needed to do this. And He did. Well, I need a new blessing! A blessing to endure my precious princess blessing.

End of my rope...

This is one of those days that I do not feel like posting. I am not amused with Moma. I have no more patience with her, and I am visualizing myself doing bad things like pushing her down the stairs (of course I never would). Did you see Monster-in-law (the movie)? I feel just like Jane Fonda with all those mean thoughts. I started NOT to publish tonight, but this is actually the reason I started this blog. People need to know that these feelings come, and they are REAL, and they are NORMAL! It is not always fun and laughs with an elderly demented patient. There are days like this one that I resent her being in my home. I don't like her at all today. It is hard for me to carry on a conversation with her because she is an invasion in my life right now. She is an inconvenience, a nuisance, and a royal pain in my butt. Just today, she has broken one of my bi-fold doors, fed my dogs the fat from the ham I cooked while my back was turned, rambled through my Avon after it arrived, and bossed me while I cooked supper. I did not peel the potatoes right, trim the ham like she would, or cook the beans long enough. Then she complained because she did not have enough ham on her plate. The meat needed cutting and the knife I gave her did not suit her (it was fine, I cut her meat with it). She rattled her ice in her glass at me to get up and get her more tea. I could go on and on..............So, in the event that you find yourself living with an elderly relative or just sitting with one. Don't fret. These feelings are perfectly normal, and VERY common. I am just having a "moment". Like Miss Scarlet says, "Tomorrow is another day".

Sit Fido Sit!

Okay, just when you thought you'd heard it all.....just when you thought Moma could not amuse you anymore (I know I have been at that point lately). I came in from work yesterday to 3 dogs (yes, I am dog sitting my friend's dog for some excitement in my life....lol) and Moma. The sitter said, "Chance (my friend's dog) has not been a good boy today. He has made messes!" My grandmother wanted to butt in....shhhh! I shushed her. "Then", the sitter continued, "your grandmother came through the house eating something. I said, what do you have in your mouth? Then she told me she was eating the candy I had been hiding in my bag. Only it wasn't candy, it was dog treats! I told her that they were dog treats and she let me know that they weren't bad!" Great, Moma has acquired a new taste. She is already eating me out of house and home. Now, she will be taking food out of the dogs' mouths. Precious.
Oh and just so you know that I haven't completely lost my mind. I am dog sitting so that in return Kelli will Moma sit for me to go to Gatlinburg. I cannot wait!

A time to laugh....and a time to cry

It is hard for me to even think of the last few days as funny. My precious grandmother has gone down so much in the last month. Actually, I am mourning the loss of my grandmother. This empty shell that lives in my house is so sad. She apologizes for everything. She asks about family members who have passed on. She is confused about where she lives and who takes care of her money and business. The total look of helplessness in her deep blue eyes is almost more than I can bear. She sleeps more. She is so lost and confused about everything.

Last night I saw her in her bedroom holding up a night gown. I went to her and said, "Is your gown wet?" She said, "NO! My gown ain't wet!" I thought, uh-oh. Then, like a child, her eyes lit up and she said, "Let's get your husband and my husband to go talk to that woman and get her to make us some of these gowns!" She just smiled so big! All I could say was "okay", and turn and leave the room. Anther time, yesterday, she opened the bathroom door on me and said, "Have you come for her things?" I just smiled. And then while I was cleaning up the supper dishes, she kept looking in the den. She finally said, "Ain't you gone wait for those ladies in there to eat?". And I wonder who she is seeing in my house.

Yes, the Bible tells us there is a time to laugh and a time to cry. I'm not laughing..........

Rated PG-13

Okay, if you have sensitive ears, you might want to walk away and not read tonight's post. (hmmm, hmmm, hummm, ta dee dah....waiting on the faint of heart to exit the blog).
Short post, but funny.
Tonight, Moma was in the den alone with the TV at warp level and I was at my computer in the study. I heard her coming (click click click click). She stepped in the door of the study, looked at me and said, "Where in the shit is Thelma?? Where in the shit did she go??" Thelma is her dead sister.
I think I've said enough. Until next time.....same bat time, same bat channel.

Remember Mr. Meany?

Wasn't there a cartoon character named Mr. Meany? Like on Peabody are something?? Anyway, in case you ever wondered about Mrs. Meany......she lives with me. She is my grandmother. The last few days, she has been MEAN and nasty. I asked her last night if she was looking for a fight.
For example, I fixed her some soup for supper because Kerry and I were going to First Friday (I recommend if you have never been). She ate a bowl full and I asked if she wanted more. She said, "NO" and waved her hand as if the soup were not good. She then pushed the bowl halfway across the table. So, I took the pan of leftover soup, went out back and dumped it out for my cats. When I came in, she said, "What'd you do with that soup?"I said,"Fed it to the cats", thinking she'd be glad I didn't throw it away since she hates for us to "waste" stuff. She snarled at me and said, "Well......what am I supposed to eat??" I said, "You just ate!" She said, "I didn't do it!" UGH!!!!!!!!! I said, "Yes you did and I asked you if you wanted any more and you said no". She said, "No, I said, not right now". Again...ugh!!!!!!!!!! So I proceed to convince her that Rebekah is going to be with her while we are gone, and that she will fix her anything she wants when she gets hungry again. She got up from the table and went to bed! In less than 20 minutes, she was following me down the hall. "Julie....Julie......JULIE!" She was bellowing my name. I turned and said, "WHAT?" a little impatiently. She said, "Have you got any soup?" I wanted to wring her little wrinkled neck.
Tonight we got into our usual food fight over her wanting to hoard food. She was going to feed it Junior's cat Monday. Okay, Junior has been dead for 20 years, and to my knowledge he never had a cat. And by Monday, the cheese curls she was saving will be stale. So, I tossed it and told her Junior called and the cat died. After all, I was dipped out of her gene pool.

Last Quickie

I would just like to say Happy Birthday to a very special person! You know who you are!!!!!

Wobbly and Mean

I am not sure if this is the Lord's way of saying, "It's okay now to consider a nursing home" or if he is testing me or WHAT?? But I am at the end of my rope. Kerry came home today, and it is funny that she felt the need to argue with him over feeding the dogs. She told him to "Shet-up" 25 times. He had to wrestle the plate with her sandwich scraps out of her hand; the whole time she was talking hateful and ugly to him. Then I had to intervene. She was so belligerent that she was shaking. She then proceeded to fill my kitchen floor with urine (thank God it is ceramic tile) because she only had on a girdle, no diaper. Then she wanted to get mad at me!! I am the one who cleaned her up and changed her clothes. She fell against the wall in the bathroom twice. I am the one who got her some Tylenol to help settle her down (she thinks it helps, so the power of suggestion was at work here). The whole time I was cleaning her up, she was saying things like "I can't help it if I can't afford them diapers", and "Y'all are the silliest bunch of people I've ever seen". She has a brand new pack of diapers in her room! No excuses!!!!!!!!! Later, I was sorting through my Avon (yes, I sell it in case you didn't know) to deliver tomorrow, and I heard the clicking of that cane. CRAP!! I knew she'd be rambling through it all.....and she did. Like a kid on Christmas morning, she picked up and smelled everything she could and asked 900 million questions. I was about to scream. She wanted some tea, so I stopped and got her some. Then she stood up under my arm practically and finally said, "Let me by". I had to back into the dining room to let the Queen pass. That would have been okay but within 20 minutes, she was back and did the same dang thing. I said, "Good grief Moma, you could have gone around the table!" She said, in her sarcastic tone, "I like to hear you holler!" UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Talladega 500!

I feel like I am on the back stretch at Talledega watching my life go by! Zooommmmmmmmm! I feel like I have no control over anything any more. For instance, today at work, I was in my office trying to get some work caught up. Everything I did reminded me of something even more important that I had not done. It was like being in one of those little hamster balls. The world is still spinning, I am just going nowhere. Trapped in this life. I was tempted to take one of my little Xanax pills the Gyn. gave me, but I try to be strong and not give in until I am absolutely suicidal. And now? I should be online paying my bills. But....here I am updating my blog, because that is what I want to do. I love to write. My hubby is out of town........sigh.

Okay, on to the business at hand. Moma is crazier than ever. She is mean and hateful one minute, sad and sweet the next. It's like all those personalities are now mingling together. You never know from one minute to the next which one will answer you. She is still looking for Marie (dead) who has her money (not). And obviously, I am now Rosabell (her dead older sister). She asks about Kerry every day. I think she thinks we are separated. She says, "Don't you miss him?" He will be home tomorrow (Yipppeeeee!!)

The doctor called today. He is sending her out more antibiotics because her symptoms are still very present (UTI), but he said that the infection was NOT MRSA which we were told at first that it was. Who knows? Go figure. Anyway.....the nurse told us to go buy her some buttermilk so she won't get yeast. OH YES!! THAT IS ALL I NEED!!!!!!!!!! Now when she is "eeeeeetching", she will have a new place for me to scratch. Gross! That was wrong, even for me. Okay, I have totally disgusted myself now. Later.

Crash! Bam!

She fell again. I heard CRASH! BAM! Then she said, "Oh". She was trying to get up when I got to her. How she did not break her hip, I'll never know. She is strong as an OX and stubborn as a MULE!
She complained about her supper that I bought at Arby's until I said, "I promise that I will never never never buy you that again if you will only shut up!!!!!!!" Not being crude, as my mother would say, but I promise that Jesus could fix her a sandwich and it would not be right! UGH!

When she was bad, she was horrid!

"There was a little girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very good, but when she was bad, she was my Moma."

Wow, what a weekend. I am thankful it is over! Sunday night at 7:18 normally brings about a sense of dread for returning to work. OH NO, not for me. I have sympathy for the poor sitter. I cannot wait to get back to work!!!!!!!!!! Last November, I asked God to give me what I needed to do this. Today, I said, "Ok Lord, I cannot take much more. Either take her home or bless me again!"

Today, she called me a "smartass" at least 25 times. She told me to shut-up and used her sarcastic tone with me about everything. When I completely lost it with her at breakfast.....(any clue how the rest of the day went?), she began to chant. "Woooo hooooo Wooooo hooooo" like she was at a ballgame! I wanted to flip her out of that chair backwards. I forced her into the bath tub because as usual, she didn't need a bath. I washed her hair, mainly for meanness. She hated it! Now, it stunk, but I wanted to torment her, and that was the least I could do. I washed her nasty blankets, and she wouldn't lie on the bed because it wasn't made up. She sat up in a chair, napping.......STUBBORN mule. But when I walked into the bathroom and caught her slathering up her legs and back with my hair conditioner.............I went ape crazy. "HOW CRAZY ARE YOU?" I asked. I just hate people to mess with my things!!! Then she walked around with her hand crammed in the front of her diaper and the back sagged down under her saggy cheeks. All she needed was some fruit loop tennis shoes. I am absolutely at the end of my rope. Please pray that I don't kill her while Kerry is out of town.

I know "in His time, in His will" but this is NOT my grandmother. This poor lost soul needs to be relieved from her misery. Pray that God will have His way, and she will get peace.

Wednesday Woes

Today was not the best of days for my Moma. She has been very stubborn, argumentative, busy, nosy, sneaky, and just plain mean. We all have days like that, don't we? I mean, there are days I enjoy being nasty. Today was her day.
She is getting much more forgetful. She can't remember that she has just eaten, and she starts looking for something else. She got up in the middle of her supper tonight and just started walking outside on the deck. I had to make her go back and sit down to eat. I found her this morning in the bed with her legs up, and NO DIAPER!
This may sound strange, but I have just written her eulogy. I plan to give it. If approved by the family, that is. Writing it reminded me of what a dynamic woman she used to me. Wow, what a blessing she has been in my life.

Here we go again....

Once again, we are looking for the Buchanan girls. They seem to have Moma's money, and they live over there by Grace (who would be their dead mother). She searched the phone book for their number. If you have a Buchanan siting, please let us know.

School Days School Days

Friday afternoon, I was sitting in the den reading the new Sandra Brown book when in walks Moma very determined. She said, "Where is your momma?" My standard answer...."in Heaven with Jesus". "Well, who am I to see?" she asked. I inquired, "about what?" Her answer..."school". Okay, at this point, I had to pick up my drink and hold it in front of my face because I was afraid I was about to lose it. "What about school, Moma?" She said, "I can't find that list the teacher gave us and I don't know what I am supposed to get". (Nearly laughing out loud here). I said, "Don't worry about it, I'll get your school supplies". She stalked through the room, stopped and looked out the french doors and said, "I must be going crazy". So, thinking that she realized that what she had just said was nonsense, I said, "It's ok Moma, you're 95 (our excuse for everything)". She said, " I just wish I could remember what I did with that list!". And out she walked. Precious.
By the way, she went to the doctor and had a raging UTI!

OH....so that's it!

I think I have figured out why Moma is so crazy! Thanks to several others' ideas and my own deductions, I have decided that she has a raging UTI. Check out the symptoms:

1. urine has foul odor

2. can't control urine

3. back ache

4. CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!

Why do bladder infections make old people crazy? I mean, they make me nutso too, but I am at myself. I mean, I know who I am. I don't get it.

One funny for the road-
Yesterday, she asked me (after reviewing who all in the family has died) "Who got my insurance money when I died?" I said, "Well, A. you aren't dead, and B. you have no life insurance" She said, "Whaaaat???" Obviously she passed on without us knowing.

Whew! oh boy...............

To say that she has been a little crazy lately would be putting it lightly! Let me reflect back....
Thursday night I had to take Rebekah her car (had been in the shop) and of course make that panic mad dash to the gas station before the prices were raised to ungodly prices. When I came back, Kerry said, "Come here...." I followed him down the hall where he showed me one of Moma's blankets in our bedroom floor. We moved on down the hall where another of blankets lay in the hallway. Her room was pitch black dark. I went in, turned on her light. She sat up, and I said, "Hey! why are your blankets laying in the floor?" She said, "Oh.....I was sunning them." Okay..........(wrong time of day for that).
Friday afternoon, a friend came up for a little while just to visit with me. Good grief, it made her crazier than ever. She kept asking "Who are you?" and "Why is she here?" and "Where do I stay?" and on and on....I tried to reassure her that I was NOT going to leave her alone. Any little change just sends her for a loop.
She asked so many random questions today.........I was ready to hang her. She hates football, and during the Auburn game, she kept saying "Turn that silly mess off". The precious princess wasn't getting quite enough attention.
OH.............. I almost forgot this precious moment. Today, I left her with Rebekah to go eat with 2 of my dearest friends from college. When I came home, the report was "....crazy as a loon". She met me at the kitchen door, and said, "Pray for me..somethings wrong". I said, "it's meanness". She said, "I don't know" like she does when she doesn't hear you. Well, long story short, I gave her no attention for her princess woes. She returns to her room (we have the baby monitor on) and I hear..."mumble mumble....call the doctor...mumble" but then "DOCTOR....DOCTOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRR.....DOOOCCCCTTTTOOOOORRRRRRRR!!!" and "What's wrooooonnnnnnnggg??" "Momma, Momma......MOMMMMMMMAAAAA!!" She carried on like a lunatic for 20 minutes or more. Then as fast as it started, it was over. All we heard was deep snores.
Never a dull moment in this house. I feel like I live in a street fair "Fun House". You just never know.............

Where were you?

I remember exactly where I was when the first plane hit the tower, or at least when we learned about it. I was at my "new" school with students in the library. One of my co-workers called me into her room for help on a computer. While I was in there, another teacher ran in and told us. We turned on the TV and we were all speechless. About that time, the 2nd plane entered the picture. It was the scariest moment! I was sick to my stomach, weak in the knees.

Looking back, I am reminded how healthy and "with it" my sweet grandmother was. She told me that the Bible warns us of attacks like that, and that prophecy was being fulfilled. She was so strong. She kept telling me to have my sin "under the blood" and to be ready to meet Jesus at any time. She was not moved in any way by Osama's attack on America. She refused to let him cause fear in her heart.

I miss my grandmother.

Short one tonight

I'm tired....
Short post:
Tonight after supper, Moma said, "Do I have to go across the street to go to bed?"As tempting as it was to send her to the Garmony's across the street, I said, "No Moma, your bedroom is down the hall".
Sigh...............

COO COO for Cocoa Puffs

I am coining a famous phrase from my friend T-Leslie. Today Moma has been coo coo for cocoa puffs. It was my day to go to church, so poor Kerry had to deal with the madness this morning. When I came in, I quickly ate my lunch while she slept. When she got up, she asked, "Ain't y'all got nothing to eat?" So, I fixed her lunch. She went back toward her room, and when I went to get her, she was asleep. I woke her to come eat. She asked what I had fixed her. I told her I warmed up her sandwich that she had left from last night. She looked at me like I had two heads. She began asking all those crazy questions again, like who all lives here, where'd they all go, etc. She started feeding the dogs her food, so I got on to her, like we always do. She wanted to get nasty with me. After a short argument, I put the dogs out, and told her that she was getting a bath. She balked (as usual), but then said, "Who's giving me a bath?" So, I got her water ready and finally coaxed her into the bathroom. (Sometime I am going to give a blow by blow of her bath.....whew!) I changed her bed linens, got her out and dressed in clean clothes. She said, "Y'all don't ever put powder on us". Now, I am not sure who US is, but she has referred to us a lot lately. Maybe she thinks she is in a group type home.
She rode with me to meet a friend to give her something, but I had to promise her ice cream. So, I wheeled through Mickey D's and got her an ice cream. OH! and while I was out of the truck talking to Tracey, she slathered that Bath and Body Works Tubular Rose lotion that I have in the truck (remember the doctor's office visit?) all over her. I could smell it while I was talking. On the way home, she asked where we were. I pointed out landmarks for her. We got home and the craziness continued. She rambled in my school bag. She rearranged everything on my table (yes, I need to clean it off!)She asked me why I left her alone in the kitchen. I didn't want to say, "because you are driving me crazy!!!!!!!!" so I invited her in the den with me. She can't be satisfied with being in the same room, oh no. She has to sit with me on the sofa, smelling like a rose garden. GAAAAAAAAAG! I thought I'd puke. I made her get up and wash her hands. Little did I know, she'd bathed in the stuff. She said it was just on her hands, but no............
Finally, she went to lie down. Whew! When Kerry came home with supper, I had to arrange our plates. She will throw the fries, and want my slaw, so I have to fix that before she sees it. I got her up. She started eating. The chicken was fried too hard. She didn't want her Coke. I had to get up and get her some tea. She kept trying to get Kerry to drink the Coke. She asked if I knew anyone who would drink it. She kept saying, "Don't just pour that out". She saw my tartar sauce and wanted some. Eating with her is a major chore. Normally, she saves food off her plate for the dog. So we play this game of me trying to get her plate and her claiming not to be finished. So, tonight, I tried to get her plate and she said, "Don't put that out for that dog!" Augh!!!!!!!!!!! I put it in the fridge. I go out of the room and hear her rambling in the fridge. She wanted to make sure I put her food in there. Again, I try to leave the kitchen. She begins rambling in the cabinet. I go in (a little loud) asking what she was looking for NOW. She said she wanted a cup with a lid. Now mind you, she has an insulated mug with ice water in her room at all times, not to mention the glass of tea I had to pour. I said, "What do you need a cup for? You have tea and water in your room!" She said, "I WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK!!!!!!!!!" I couldn't convince her that she had a cup of tea. I finally put a sippee lid on her cup. Suited her fine. In a huff, I said, "Get somewhere and settle yourself down! I have to get a bath". She finally did. DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH???????????????????????? Most of the time it isn't that bad, but when she is bad, she is horrid!

The cellophane is off...

Today, we are BRAND NEW again. She seemed to be okay this morning. Slightly spacey, but sweet as sugar! Then, my sister dropped by....now usually she comes in like a HERO because Moma doesn't see her as much as she sees me, but today, she rode her like a pony about money. Then she slept half the day away. When she woke up, she wanted breakfast (at 4 pm). First she came out on the deck with me, and said, "Well I wondered if anybody was here. I've been by here several times today and can't find nobody at home". (uh...okay...first clue that we are brand new). So, as I got up to go in the house, she said, "Hey, I don't know what to do about someplace to stay". "HUH?" She began that same old conversation about she don't know what is wrong with her and she don't understand all that has gone on. I tried to play it off by telling her that I was going in the house. She followed me in with some more "brand new" conversation. "Who lives here?" she began. I answered her. "Well, what happened to my house?" I answered. "Well, who has my money?" I answered. This rocked on for several minutes, and every time I thought I had her convinced, she'd say "Is this your house?" AUGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Then, later, she asked if I'd help her get her "right mind" back. So, I thought I'd play along. I asked her a million questions. She answered everyone of them right. And after we'd named everyone in her family, and declared most of them dead, she asked, "Where is Momma?" Oh me...
Auburn beat Southern Miss today! Waaarrrr Eagle! Hey!

Pay My Bills One At A Time!

Wow! Today has been one of those days that I have tried to cram so much in that it is now 10:00 pm and I am like "Where did time go?" So...short post.
Last night, Moma appeared quietly in the kitchen behind me. As I saw her out of the corner of my eye, she was going toward the microwave. I heard her say, "8:48". Then she turned to me and said, "That bill over there is $8.48. I'm going to pay that one, but I think I am only going to pay my bills one at a time....you know, when they come in." I said, "Uh-huh" about to burst out laughing. Then she proceeded to tell me and Kerry all about her and her sister going to town tomorrow and paying the insurance, and on and on and on. Kerry was making me laugh. I could have killed him. Some times....laughter is the only thing I have.
Sigh...tomorrow is blessed FRIDAY!

Brand New

Today, it was like I just unwrapped her. She had no clue where she was. She kept waiting on that "womern" that brought her up here to take her home. She asked 6,000 questions about who lives here, and when did she get here? She asked where my bathroom was, and again where my mother was. I am not sure if she is looking at me like a little girl or if she thinks I am Rebekah or if she is just looking for Mother.
Her balance was awful today, and she complains of being light headed. But her apetite is DEAD ON. She has eaten a little of everything in my house today. I made chocolate oatmeal cookies for us to have with supper (as we did our own little Labor Day thing) and she said, "OOOh there is my chocolate candy!" She would have eaten the whole pan if I'd let her.

There is just a nagging feeling that the angels are near. I don't mean that I am waiting around on her to die, but I can't explain the feeling. I just pray that when God does take her that if is a peaceful experience and not something traumatic for her. She is the biggest drama queen I know. So Lord, let her go quietly.

Happy Labor Day!

You can count on it

You know those things in life that you can set your watch by? Those things that you can count on to happen every time? My grandmother has a few of those going on. Like, every time she gets up from a nap or a night's sleep, she is going to ask "What is today?" Just before any meal time, she'll start asking "What time is it?" and "You gone cook dinner?". The one that gets me the most though is when I make tea, I know that I know that I know that she is going to lift the lid, burn her finger and drop the lid down really fast. She does it every time! I guess that goes to show the old saying is true....You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

Need a cook?

"Can I help you cook supper?" came the soft voice at the doorway. I looked over my shoulder and saw Moma, hair everywhere, up from her nap. leaning on her cane. I said "No, thank you". She said (again from behind me), "Well honey, if I can help you do the smallest thing, I will. You tell me.....hear?" I nodded. She moved closer to me. "Don't you want me to do that?" I was stirring the green beans when I turned around and saw her with her finger crammed up her nostril to the 2nd knuckle. I said, "Not with you picking your nose, no ma'am, I do not want your help." She looked at her fingers at the same time I noticed that her fingernails had "something" underneath them. I gagged a little. I said, "Moma! You are picking your nose with fingernails that have doo doo under them!!!!!!!!!" She looked at me, and back down at her fingers. She said, "That ain't doo doo!" I said, "Well you ain't planted potatoes lately, so it ain't dirt." I made her go into the bathroom, get the nail brush and scrub, scrub, scrub. She was mouthing under her breath. She started to follow me back to the kitchen. I banished her to her room. I have to keep reminding myself....she's 4, she's 4, she's 4....................

Trees Beware!

Have I ever blogged about the amount of paper products my grandmother consumes? She uses at least (and no I am not exaggerating) 8-10 napkins every meal! She will blow her nose on one, wipe her mouth on another, wad one into a little tight ball, fold and put another one in her pocket. She wipes at the table with one, she puts one in her lap. I won't discuss what she coughs up or spits into one. Oh, and don't forget what she swipes off her plate to sneak to my dogs. And how precious is it when she shakes the crumbs from one (into the floor) and folds and smooths it and places it back into the napkin basket?? How precious is that? I've never seen anything like it in my life. On to tissue (or Kleenex as we say in the south). She goes through a LARGE box of tissue about every 10 days (Vaseline too but that isn't paper). I'm afraid to know what goes on with all the tissue. Now she loves her a paper towel. She'll wrap one around her drink cup. She'll wet one and wipe her face and hands. She wants to use them for pot holders for some reason. But she uses nothing like she uses toilet paper. I buy a 12 roll pack of Scot at least 3 times a month. Yes, I have 3 bathrooms but the bathroom that I share with her houses at least 10 of the 12 rolls. She rolls and rolls and rolls and rolls it around her hand. Does she wipe off the seat when she has left a present there? Oh no....she leaves that for me. On to diapers....she is up to a bag per every 2-3 days. And sidebar...she now drops the wet ones down the laundry shoot. Precious. On her own, she wipes out a small forest every day. Plant a tree in Moma's honor. God save the trees.

We'll order some flowers

I love nights like tonight when Moma has a "sitcom" moment. Tonight, she was obviously in Sunday School. They were trying to do something for Dorthy Payton's funeral. (Sidebar: Dorthy Payton was one of Moma's friends when I was very young. I had a thing for rocks and pebbles thanks to Cousin Cliff and his rubbing rocks, and Dorthy loved them too. She always gave me one. Enough!) She was calling the class to order. She took up money, and asked someone to please please help them order flowers for Dorthy. Then they wanted to go to the funeral but they didn't have a way, so she was trying to convince someone to take them. Then, she told someone to "GET OUT!!!" Maybe they were in the car, because she then said, "Get out so I can get out".
You know, the funny thing to me is this. She mentions tons of people from her past-sisters, her mamma, friends, her children...but she never mentions my Papa. I don't get it.
She has been very lost lately. Very confused. Today she kept telling me "Something is wrong with me", but she is just more lost every day. I am not sure how long God plans to leave her here in this little worn out body, but I pray that she will stay healthy as long as she is on this earth.

Nothing New

Nothing new to report. Not even anything funny.....just doing what she does.....getting on my nerves, but nothing eventful.
My baby has moved out. Hubby is out of town. Quiet at my house right now. I am enjoying it, watching the Olympic Games! Go Shawn Johnson!

I'm sorry

Today when I came in from school, Moma was lying down. About an hour later, I heard her coming (the cane isn't clicking as loud as it used to). She went straight to Rebekah. I heard her say, "Forgive me....(Rebekah is looking crazy) Forgive me if I've done anything to make you mad" Rebekah said, "Okay..." Then she made her way to me....same tale. I said, "Moma, you haven't made me mad (today anyway). Even if I was mad at you, I'd get over it". She said, "I don't want to die with that in my heart". (Okay, you know I couldn't resist) I said, "Moma....are you dying?" She said, "I don't feel like it" in that same voice she says "Whaaaat?" in. I said, "Well, ok, I was just checking." Then she proceeded to tell me that she ain't crazy, and that Sherry has her bank book, and that everything she had was made out to us. And then she said, "But right now, I'm hungry, and I want you to get me something to eat".
That's about right.

"Thel-meeer??"

Well today my name is Thelmer (Thelma). She has been so lost. She has asked if she could stay up here with me (Uh..you have been since November). She asked if I'd look after her (Again...). Then she offered me money. God love her. She has NO money to be offering.
After I worked in the yard this afternoon, I had to jump into a bath quickly because of the poison oak, cow itch, and various other itchy things. Moma pounded on the door, hollering "Thelllllmaer!" Kerry said, "Please leave her alone and let her take a bath". She said, "Well, who all is in there taking a bath?" I said, "Just me, Thelma".
In case you are wondering...school has started and everything is GREAT on the East side. Remember....there's no side like the EAST side.

HUSH!

Never in a million years did I think I would tell my moma to hush, but I have told her that several times lately. She starts feeding the dogs at the table. We tell her to stop, and she starts, "I hope God punishes y'all!" "I'd be ashamed if I was you!" and to the dogs, she says, "I'd run away from home if I was y'all" "I wouldn't stay around here if I was y'all". I get to the point where all I can say to her is HUSH! Then tonight, she started mocking me.....AND LAUGHED IN MY FACE!!!!!!!!!! She told me that we tickle her being so silly. Augh!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to knock her backwards out of that chair. Remember that movie Monster In Law when both Jennifer Lopez (was it Jennifer Lopez? it was wasn't it?) and Jane Fonda have visions of doing something really awful to the other one? I have those visions a lot now, mostly of pushing her down. The only way I can live with myself is telling myself that it is just a way to vent my frustrations and that I would never take that kind of action. And I wouldn't....
I am asking you my readers to do me a favor. Pray for something that is near and dear to my heart. You don't have to know the details because God does. Pray that God will give me wisdom to handle this. Pray for restoration and renewal.
Thanks! Love you guys!

Who am I waitin' on?

Today Moma came into the study and looked at me so seriously, and said, "Who....who am I waitin' on?" I said, "HUH?" She said, "I feel like I'm waitin' on something". I said, "Oh, I bet you are waiting on my to give you a bath". She screwed her face up and said, "Well, you can forget that! I am taking no bath, I don't need one". I said, "Oh yes you do, and you will take one today!". After several minutes of no-I-ain't-yes-you-are, she walked out mumbling, "I ain't taking no bath". She went out to the deck and got in the swing. Later, she came in and looked so humble and said, "Who's supposed to help me take a bath?". She hates the prep, but loves the procedure! She wants her back washed "fifty-leven" times (as my mother would say).

Later she came into the den and asked me if everybody was ready. I did not have the energy to even discuss it so I just told her that everyone was ready! She has just been so lost and crazy today. Mostly Millicent, not quite Miley, but I guess really she has been Milledge. If you understand the levels, you know what I mean.

Okay, back to ME! (lol) Yesterday, I graduated from the University of Alabama with an Educational Specialist degree in Instructional Leadership! I am tickled, but I mention it to say that I dedicated this degree to the memory of my Dad! He was always so supportive concerning my education. Thank you Daddy............. (but I am sorry it wasn't Auburn!).