Proof

Here's the proof! I think I did a good job!

A Funny I Forgot to Report

I forgot to report this little funny. Rebekah and I went to the cemetery the other day to put the new saddle on my parents' grave (which I made, pictures to come). We were at the grave and I said, "Run get my phone, I want a picture". She ran back to the car and Mildred had locked us out. She loves to push buttons, and fool that I am left the keys in the ignition. Rebekah was standing on the running board trying to explain to her how to "push the U" ROFL!!! I wish I had videoed that.
And just for the record, people who lock themselves out of their vehicles don't do it on purpose! (Yep, I did it again today, with no Moma inside). Ugh....

What is a name?

So far today, I am or have been accused of:
a bitch
a hateful bitch
full of shit
given permission to kiss her ass
not liking her (today, I concur)
talking about her (was discussing a train ride to New Orleans)
fat
not knowing what I am doing
stealing the last piece of cake (I did that yesterday!)
Please don't judge me. I hate her. Period.

Typical Saturday

She is sitting at the table, as usual, meddling with everything. Rearranging my things, reading my notes, and opening anything that is NOT opened already! She will NOT stay in the bed. She complains of feeling bad, and thinking she is about to die. She gets up to go to bed, BUT SHE WILL NOT STAY!!! I try to wash clothes in the basement....she gets up. I try to vacuum and catch a glimpse of her in my bedroom. I finally sat down at the kitchen table to do a little "business". She sits down and starts picking up everything and asking questions. "What's this?" "Who you writing checks to?" "Do you handle my money?" I sit on my bed, dump out my purse to change to the new one I bought last night (I know I did not need another purse...) Here she comes! "Good Lord! Did all that crap come out of your purse?" "How do you carry yore purse with all that junk in it?" "Give me one of them little round things" (could be rat poison but it's a life saver). Every time she would go to bed, she would get up and growl, "Ya got anything to eat?" She had 4 bananas today!! Count them! 1-2-3-4!!!!!!!!!! Sigh.....
Why is it that on Saturday, the day I need to do laundry, clean house, straighten up, and buy groceries, she is so busy? She wears me out.

Birthday Blues

Sad. It dawned on me today that when Moma was the age I turned today, I was the age she is mentally now. Our roles are totally switched. She is now my child; my charge; my burden. My birthday is normally a very happy day for me, but in that one moment, I was just a little blue.
I love my birthday and I always have! I got that from a little woman about 4'9" tall who lives right down the hall. She thinks her birthday is all that and a bag of chips! She gets so excited when she sees it on the calendar! She loves to tell people how old she will be!
Tonight, my in-laws cooked supper for me. Bucket steak, mashed potatoes (yes, I know they are creamed but in the south, they are MASHED), fried okra, white corn on the cob, and biscuits and gravy! Chocolate cake with strawberries for dessert. Yummmm.......Stuffed myself! After supper, as with all meals at the Paynes, we go out onto the porch to digest our meal and talk. Moma said it was too cool for her, so she went in and watched TV. When we got ready to go, Kerry got Moma up while I gathered our things (leftovers...mmmmmm). When we began to back down the drive way, Moma said, "Did they tell us to leave?" Kerry said, "huh?" She repeated, "Did they tell us to leave?" I was in the backseat hollering "YES" because I am the family smart alec. Every time she asked, I answered with a loud "YES". So she quietly asked Kerry, "What'd we do?" We fell out laughing! Kerry was kind and explained to her that it was just time to go home, I liked my version.
As we drove down the road, she inquired where we were going and Kerry told her that we were going home. "Well, this ain't the way....." she argued. She said several other funny things that I can't remember right now (Kerry, I told you to remind me what she said). But when we pulled up onto Meighan Blvd. and she saw all the orange and white construction barriers. She asked about all the "cans". I wanted to tell her something about recycling project but Kerry opted for the truth. (He really is the grown up in our house). He asked her if she wanted one, she declined. Then she began to pray for help. "Help me Lord" "Help me Jesus" I am baffled that she felt threatened by all that, but I guess she did. Then once we got on to the Noccalula Road, she said, "Well I ain't never been up this road before". She was really, as my friend Celestia says, Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs tonight.

Just a typical Sunday

As I type, Moma is doing some type of Choctaw war chat with her legs pulled up to her chest like they are locked, shaking her head and occasionally waking herself with her war hoops. She said, "Am I bothering you?" like she knows that she is chanting and hooping. ....Going off the rails on a crazy train..... And she just hollared, "What'd you do it for? Bullshit!!"
She woke up this morning in a foul mood (what else is new?) But when Rebekah came in and took the last 2 Chocolate Chip muffins, Moma nearly lost her mind. "She could have given me one!" I offered her a strawberry granola bar, and she mumbled "This ain't worth a shit". She made me promise that I would make her some muffins some day! Then she started hollering for "something to drank". I fixed her some chocolate milk. So far today, nothing has pleased her. Hopefully the "witch doctor" will come cure her. She is chanting him up.
Spring break is essentially over, and you guessed it, I am ready to go back to work!

Cussing

Cussing has become the norm, instead of an occasional outburst. Today, Moma was doing one of her usual stupid acts (trying to kill a man-eating wasp with her cane). Rebekah unloaded on her (because I am HIGHLY allergic and Moma was just making the wasp mad). She would not stop, so Rebekah took her cane. She started screaming at Bek, so I got up and walked over to her, plainly explained to her why she shouldn't do what she was doing, and then returned her cane to her. Rebekah walked by her and Moma's reply? "BITCH" Then she looked me dead in the face and mumbled "Bitch".  And then said, "You're all bitches". Precious.....

Confusion is not the word.....

Confusion does not begin to describe Moma lately. She will be just fine for an hour or so, and then POOF! Crazy Train pulls out of the station. She watched me spend most of the day Sunday putting together a saddle for my parents' grave. She knew who they were, who I was, and how we were all related. She was as normal as possible for her. Later that day, I moved the saddle into the dining room because it was supposed to rain. She looked at me and said, "Wooooooo how purty! Where'd you get that?" I reminded her that I made it. She nodded like she remembered. Then she announced to Christopher that I made that "bouquet" for my mother. Ugh.....
Monday afternoon, my friend came up to take the stitches out of my head. She brought her daughter and her 2 friends to visit with Moma. She blistered their young ears with her favorite curse words. Nice.....

So much material, so little time

It's been awhile. And I am loaded with new material, but time has been sparse lately. The funniest thing, according to Kendra, is that Moma has discovered Talking Tom. Now if you are familiar with that application, it is a cat who will say whatever you want him to say. He can be a naughty boy too. Passing gas and scratching and hissing at you, but instead of typing what you want him to say (like on the computer), you just say it and he will repeat you (on my new iphone). So I let Mildred play. Oh Lord, she was like a kid at Christmas. She talked to him, not realizing he was repeating her.
"Hey Pretty Boy! What's your name?" And of course, Tom would say, "What's your name?" So she replied, "Well my name is Mildred" And on and on. I finally had to tell her that he was mocking her. So she said to him, "Well you are a pretty boy even if you are mocking me" ROFL! She had so much fun, she ran my battery down. I posted one on FaceBook. I'll try to post it here, if I can. If not, I'll have her do another one. What fun!
And, FYI, she has really been good lately.....what's up with that?

Saturday Blues

Why is it that everything she does today grates against my nerves? Yes, I know it is totally my fault. I am allowing it. My day got started off with a phone call from my sister about all the running around she is doing today with her granddaughter for the pageant tonight. Not that I miss that sort of drama, but the freedom to do it! Now I am just counting the things she does that drives me crazy like most people count blessings.
1. She drives me insane playing "dog toy hockey" with that blasted cane.
2. One of the stupidest things she does is ask for a "saucer" for her coffee that is too hot. She slops it into the bowl that I give her and slurps it up right away. I understand the philosophy of that, but that bowl did not immediately cool off that coffee. I hate that a lot.
3. Repeating the same 9 questions all day makes me weary. "Where is Kerry?" "What day is this?" and on and on.
4. Grunting. Enough said.
5.Feeding the dogs and arguing about it makes me want to slap her backwards out of that chair.
6. Her bellowing my name "Julie.....JULIE.......JUUUUUULLLLLIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" irritates me.
7. I get really sick of being told what to do 24/7. "Let that dog out" "He-uh, throw this away". I am not her hand maiden. Someone needs to tell her that.
8. Rambling through everything and anything from garbage to mail. STOP THE MADNESS!
9. "Huh?" "What?" "I didn't understand you" READ MY LIPS OLD WOMAN!
These are just a few of the thousands of things she does that pushes my buttons (and yeah, I allow it). Today's weather is nasty, dreary, and dark.....as is my mood. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Sorry

No, I haven't had writer's block.....just tons of stress and about 13 stitches in my noggin.  Had the competition with my kids at JSU last Friday, and took it very personally that we only had 1 Honorable Mention. (banging my head) Then, Tuesday, I had a skin cancer removed from my head and left with 13 stitches and a head ache. At present, I feel as if someone is continually pulling my hair, and I want to scream "Stop it" but it hurts to scream! lol
Moma has been more feeble lately. She is by no means sweet and passive though. She is still busy and bossy, but just in a more feeble way. For instance, this afternoon, I took a siesta (which I never do) while she was lying down. Christopher said she came charging into the kitchen in a panic. She didn't know what she was going to do. There was no one here to take care of her. What was going to happen to her. He said she was really pitiful. Then at supper, he fixed her plate. We were all eating, when she looked up and asked, "Can I eat?" So sad......I can handle crazy, but lost and confused is not something I am ready to deal with on a daily basis.