Monday, January 30, 2012

Not Happy!

One of the things you must deal with when you are a caregiver, is other people in your home. One of my best friends recently made an awesome statement. He said, "People are so overrated, get a dog!" He was being funny, but sometimes, I would agree with that 100%. I get so aggravated at what people do and don't do. Like today, when I got home, the sitter had dismissed herself at 2:20, and dumped Moma on Rebekah. So, when I got home, I could hear Moma on the monitor screaming "HELP" like she was in big trouble. I listened to it for a while, then went to investigate. There she lay, naked as a jaybird, screaming "My bed is wet! My gown is wet! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Grrrrrr..............the urge to kill was fierce. I have worked all day, and I came home to this. One thing I am looking forward to when Moma crosses over. I will never, NEVER (as God is my witness) have people in and out of my house like this again. I will reclaim my home, and lock the door! I am fed up....

Saturday, January 28, 2012


Today, 2 of my classmates came up to work on a project. Of course, this sent Mildred into overdrive. She was up every 30 minutes messing and asking stupid questions. Today she was back to her sassy, nasty self! One funny:
Her: "Hey Lady!"
Me: "What?"
Her: "Aren't you the one we buy our hose from?"
I am not now, nor have I ever sold stockings or pantyhose.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Moma: Hey Lady! How do I get in touch with Thelma?
Me: Aunt Thelma?
Moma: my sister, Thelma!
Me: You will have to go to Heaven to talk with her
Moma: Thelma's dead?
Me: (I nod)
Moma: I can't believe it
Me: Believe it
She turned and left the room, and said, "I got some thinking to do".

Thursday, January 26, 2012

As I stand over Little Precious on her bedside commode, grunting and wiping herself, I look all over the room at the family pictures....and I begin to talk to them. Yes, I will admit, crazy as it sounds, it is my new behavior. I cannot stand the total stupidity of the things I have been reduced to doing, so I have a conversation with all the deceased relatives' pictures. As she drags the toilet paper from back to front (gag), I look at my beautiful mother and say, "Mother, COME GET HER!" While she is peeing on her hand as she continues to wipe (with no knowledge of it), I look at my father...."Daddy, look at your mother! This is so disgusting. Please come and get her." I call on Aunt Thelma, Grandma Payne, and Popaw. "Seriously, y'all....(I begin), this is no longer cute. She is nasty and she has no clue what she is doing......HELP ME!" She is busy wiping herself and tossing the soiled tissue in the floor. She grunts and sighs......I am looking around the room for advocates in Heaven to go to the Father on my behalf. It is no longer for selfish reasons (See, I have grown a little through this). I know that my prissy little Moma would absolutely DIE if she were in her right mind and could see herself. I hate that she calls me "Lady" and tonight it was "Womern". I hate that she doesn't know where she lives or who she lives with. I do not enjoy her refusing to eat or take medicine. I think even in her muddled state, she is giving up. I hate it! I want to sit on her porch, count doodlebugs, drink Dr. Pepper, and laugh and laugh.......I miss her.
This morning, the Lord and I had a serious discussion about her. He knows my heart. He knows her heart. He promised it won't be long. (Of course His time table is not like mine, so I'm now asking for a date.....He is shaking his head and sighing.....) She told me at supper tonight that she was dying. I asked her when (it couldn't hurt). She said, "Tonight". We'll see........

Wednesday, January 25, 2012


You know, I have to remind myself that I started this blog so that it can be a help to someone who might be just beginning this journey or facing the potential of it. I get caught up in the funny things and totally forget the "ughs" and the "sighs..." and the frustrations of being a daily caregiver. I was faced with one of the woes this morning. I was so proud that I was out of bed and busy by 6am. I was actually going to be ON TIME for work. But, the phone rang......and my sitter shared with me that she was not feeling up to par and could I call the sub sitter.....and blah blah blah. GRRRRRRR.....................not mad at her, just that pent up frustration of "I will never be on time for work, much less early!" and "I cannot win for freaking losing!" Needless to say, I called and woke up the sub sitter who graciously agreed to come. She, of course, could not be there by 7am when I need to leave, so I had to call the assistant principal (who is also gracious about my tardies) and report that once again, I would be late. So, I am saying all this to say......you cannot plan on anything ever working to your advantage....EVER.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Barely existing

Moma is just barely in existence. She hardly eats a morsel. She refuses to take her medicine. She lays her head on the table. She wants to sleep 98% of the time. It just makes you question why in the world God is leaving her here. She is lost most of the time; calls me "Lady". She asks for her momma daily..... DAILY! So sad! But tonight......little precious called Mr. Payne "Pretty Boy" at the supper table. It was priceless.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Short post

I only have one thought at present. Poopy diapers are becoming the norm.....that is all. Oh and how much stupider can my life become?

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Saturday Morning Circus

Woke up at 7ish because I knew I'd have to have Moma fed before I left 12 year old Erin in charge. Had plans to be at "clean up day" at the museum. We made arrangements for women prisoners to come help us clean up after the renovations. Decided to get myself ready first. Then got her breakfast going, and went to wake her. I told her that we needed to change her diaper first. She argued, I won. Diaper was full of #2.....gag......gag....gag. Okay, I didn't mind this when it was my children, but they were my children! This was just going to be nasty. I gloved up, then proceeded to clean her up. Surprise surprise, she had doodoo on her gown too. Oh! and her bed? it was soaked. YES! This was what I wanted to wake up to. Seriously, not sure how much more I can handle. Since then, we have changed her bed 2 more times, her clothes 2 more times, and she is still a high risk of doing it again.....it's only 6:36. Sigh....................................................

Monday, January 16, 2012

The Grumpy Dwarf

Moma is feeling a little bit better. This crud has just about killed all of us (a great big thanks to my sister Sherry). Dr. Robinson did send Moma out an antibiotic Friday, so she feels just enough better to be a serious grouch. She sits at the table and whines, "God help me! Help me Lord". I try to encourage her by saying that she will feel better if she eats, takes her medicine, etc. But her favorite part of being sick is the performance. She will cough cough cough (never covering her mouth), and then whine and say, "I feel so bad". (Yes, I feel your pain, I have the same thing you do) She will just sit and holler out, and moan, and whine.....when I have heard all I can take, I scoop her up and send her to bed. Between us being sick, the washer going out and the laundry piling up, I HAVE HAD IT! I feel like Snow White did when she entered that nasty little cottage. I want it all cleaned up, but unlike Snow White, I haven't the energy!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Totally Nuts

After Moma pulled black eyed peas out of her robe pocket tonight at supper, she spoke such nonsense that a stranger would have thought she was drunk. She would say "HEY!" like a drunk, and then spout out some really crazy stuff like....."Where can I.........well, I want to know..................you know..............well SHIT! When are they gonna have that in Gadsden?" (dumbfounded look on my face) I say, "when are they gonna have what Moma?" She muttered something, then said, "awwww, it ain't a ballgame.....it's a.......awwww.....well, it's a big deal." Then her conversation turned to the ballgame. She asked where the ballgame was, how much it cost, where she could get a ticket and on and on......CRAZY! I kept trying to get her to finish eating and take her medicine, but she kept blowing me off. It was crazy!! When I finally got her to take her medicine, she swallowed her pills with her cough medicine, instead of water. I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. She made ugly faces and gagged and then stuck out her tongue with 3 pills still on it. What a nutwagon!!!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012


Yesterday, Moma was coughing and couldn't seem to stop.
Me: Goodness gracious! Let me get your something for that cough!
Moma: I hope I don't lose the baby.


Sunday, January 8, 2012

Chewing Gum

This was last night at supper. I haven't gotten those other videos from Rebekah yet from Friday night.
This was pretty good. This was after I witnessed her smash chewing gum into the cup of pills that she was refusing to take. She was awful! She is being a little smart you-know-what. Just like a 4 year old.....Good Lord.

Saturday, January 7, 2012


After our very sad and tiring day Thursday, Moma rallied back Friday with a vengeance. She refused to take her medicine Friday morning. The sitter called me and tattled on her. I said, "Look, if she doesn't want to take it, don't make her. Offer it to her again at lunch, but if she refuses, forget it!" Then Rebekah said it went from bad to worse. Moma was fighting with the nurse's aide and the sitter over a bath. Rebekah finally talked her into washing off. Moma was ready to fight anyone who crossed her, but at supper......she rocked our world! She was funny and she sang. She made us laugh until our sides hurt. Stay tuned, there is video to come.

Thursday, January 5, 2012


If you came looking to laugh, go up to the right hand corner of your screen and click that red X (unless you are on a Mac). There is nothing to laugh about at my house tonight. Tonight, Momaw forgot how to feed herself. Let me explain.
I cooked supper early so that Rebekah could eat before rehearsal at the Ritz. I had everything ready, when Momaw got up and came into the kitchen. Rebekah had already reported to me earlier that she was very out of it. And when I got home, she was without a diaper because she forgets to put one back on when she takes a wet one off. Anyway, she strolled around the kitchen looking and peeping around. She told me that she was going crazy. Then she asked me this. "Do you think that I should leave?" I said, "Momaw, I don't understand what you mean. If you left, where would you go?" She shook her head and said, "I ain't got nowhere. You are all I've got". We had more of this crazy conversation, and then she abruptly ended it by saying, "I'm going in here to sit on the couch until you need me. If you need me, will you come and get me?" I nodded. "Julie, you ain't just sayin' that are you? Will you come get me?" I said, "Moma, I promise you!" Rebekah came in and was showing me her purchases and getting her plate fixed when Moma came back into the kitchen. She had chocolate on her hands and a wadded up candy paper. I showed her the garbage can and she asked if she could sit at the table. I nodded and pulled out her chair. When Rebekah began eating, I decided to fix mine and Moma's plates instead of waiting on Kerry. Moma sat with her hands in her lap, and she was turned sideways. I got up and moved her chair up to the table. I sat down and began to eat. Rebekah reminded Moma to eat. She said, "I will", but just sat with those little hands folded in her lap. I said, "Moma, let me stir it up for you." and I began to stir her food. She said, "Will you help me eat?" Confused, I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "I'll wait until you finish eating." Hands still folded in her lap, she seemed calm and quiet. Rebekah and I tried talking to her about it, but she kept insisting that I finish my food first.Then Rebekah asked her something (I can't remember what) and she screamed out, "You are going to help me eat!" almost mean like.  Finally, I pushed my plate back and told her I was finished. She never moved her hands from her lap. I fed her like a baby. I held her cup so she could drink. Inside, my heart was breaking. Inside, I was weeping. Kerry came home and asked her if she couldn't feed herself. She looked at me and asked, " Does he mind you helping me eat?" I assured her that he was okay with it. She finished up, and I fixed her some chocolate milk and gave her medicine to her. Then she asked to be taken to bed. I walked with her to her room, helped her in bed, covered her up, and walked away in tears.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year

Moma has no clue that it is a new year. She has no clue there was an old one. She is totally out of it today. She slept until 12:00. And I must confess, I let her because I slept until 11:45. I'm not sure why. I got into bed a little after 12. Oh well...Happy New Year!

I had to make a run to meet a friend who had smoked a Boston Butt for me. No one was available to sit with her for a few minutes, so I loaded her up which took FOREVER. She is not walking well today. Got her buckled in and off we went. We went down Hwy. 11, and as we approached Oak Hill Cemetary, she said, "They killed all the ones that lived out here". I didn't ask. Freaky. Then when we got home, she refused to get out of the car because she didn't want to go in and she does not live here. Finally, I got her in and settled. She took a good long nap, but got up for supper as crazy as a loon. "Have you seen that womern?" I had no clue what she was talking about, but she insisted that "they" told her that we needed to watch for that woman who was going to show us the light. (Can you believe that Cheryl Taylor?) She kept asking all through supper about the woman, but the story changed several times. Then she dropped her head, closed her eyes, and said, "Momma.......Momma.....where is that womern? Is she coming?" Then she popped her head up and said, "She don't know".  A few minutes later, I tried to get her up because she was falling asleep in her plate. She screeched at me, "I'm gone wait on that teacher!" (new story line? who knows?) I finally took her plate and scooped her up and deposited her in the bed, with her jabbering about that womern the whole time. I hope she finds her.