Saturday, February 28, 2009

Meal times

Mealtimes are like working a job. I know I've whined, and complained about this before. Preparing a meal means that not only am I working with food, I am intercepting help from the Precious Princess. She wants to stand under my arm pit while I cook. She has special advise for me, such as "You're peeling half that potato away" or "That ain't enough oil". She constantly says, "Do you need me to do anything?" Now, I know what you are thinking....Give her something to do. You don't know her well. She doesn't want to peel potatoes or grate cheese or do anything that I ask her to do. She wants to stand under my arm pit and be my special advisor and critic. Finally after being told no several times to her offers of help, she'll say, "Do you wish I'd get out of yore way?" And although I want to scream, "Yes, Yes, a thousand times YES!" I smile and say, "Your not in my way". She'll start out of the kitchen, and turn back to offer her services just once more. When assured that I don't need her, she reminds me where her room is so that we can call her for supper. Whew! I've got a minute of peace. As we start setting the table and getting ready to eat, either she is already on her way or I send for her. She comes into the kitchen telling me that I have put too much food on her plate or what she wants on her plate. Next item on the meal time agenda: put the dogs in isolation. Either they go into the den with the gate, their crates or out on the deck. Why you ask? So she doesn't feed them everything on the table. Think we're set? Not hardly. She must have everything in place before I sit down. Then we all sit hunkered over our plates because at any minute, she may toss an unwanted item from her plate to ours or take something off our plates. And, precious, she will cough like she has TB all over the table and NEVER cover that mouth. Sweet. She uses at least 12-14 napkins per meal. And she'll blow her nose at the table. Sadly, I admit, I have done this all my life, and now I know why, I was raised at her table. Must have been acceptable at her house. Okay, meal time is winding down. She wants more tea. Everyone is finished and have placed their plates on the counter or in the sink (some are cleaner than others). She is still dragging out her meal. She thinks she'll be able to sneak food for the dogs, so she watches us closely. When she thinks we aren't watching, she opens a napkin and puts bites of food in it and wads it up and puts it in her housecoat pocket. YES THIS IS EVERY MEAL! Then one of us will wrestle it out of her hot little hands. And she will say, "Y'all beat anything I ever saw", and we say, "yeah yeah", and she prisses off to her room to watch Wheel of Fortune because we have convinced her that it only comes on in her room on her TV. I sigh in relief, another meal over and no one had to die.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Sleep talking

Kerry and I are listening to the baby monitor tonight. We went to the funeral home to say farewell to Kerry's Uncle Wes who is now WHOLE again. Remember his aunt Othell in your prayers. Moma is talking 100 miles an hour. It is so funny because she is apparently helping someone move. She keeps saying, "We'll help you load it" She said, "Get it....Get all your stuff!" Then she gets excited and says, "GET IT GET IT GET IT!!" She'll slap her legs and just laugh!! But then....it got really quiet. Kerry said, "Here she comes". She came down to the den and stood in the door grunting. Then mumbled something to herself and started back down the hall. We waited to hear her on the monitor, but didn't so I got up just as she was stealing a 3 inch stack of my PUFFs tissue. I reached over her shoulder and snatched them out of her little hand and said, "You have kleenex in your room,leave mine alone!" She steals mine all the time when she has a HUGE box in her room. She started jerking and twisting and flipping....I know I startled her but dang...then little precious whispered, "I'm getting these for someone else." I said, "Moma, there is no one else in your room" She said, "Yes, that womern down there is using MINE!" I twirled her around and sent her marching to her room. She is down there now just grunting away. Nothing funny yet, but I will update if she does anything else. I'm so glad she came to entertain! (that is the only way I can look at it without stabbing myself in the eye!) Sigh..........

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

We have movement...

Thank God for Aloe Vera! We have movement, need I say more?

Monday, February 23, 2009

This is Mildred

Tonight while I was in the bathtub, as usual, the door opened a crack, and I hear "Hey...Hey....Lady....you got anything to make my bowels move?" Precious. I told her that when I got out of the bathtub, I'd get her something. She said, "Okay...and...this is Mildred" Oh, okay, like I didn't know. So precious.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Gave up

Blogger lost its mind and would not let me post the picture. So here it is! Continue reading....

Trip Trap Trip Trap

Today, she looks like a troll. Well, I am not sure if she is a "3 Billy Goats Gruff" troll or just a troll doll. But it has really been a "Monster-in-law" Day. You remember how Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez would have visions of doing a deed to the other one and you never knew for sure if it was happening until it was over?? Well, I have had visions of shoving her down the den steps (it's only 2 for pity's sake) and doing a shaken-baby number on her. She has been a pistol ball today. Oh let me start at the beginning....
This morning, at 7:37, the princess woke me up coming down the hall. She stopped in the study and opened the dogs' crates and let them out (a big time NO NO). I jumped up out of bed and scolded her. She said, "What's the matter with you?" EEOOOOOOWWWW! I was so mad! If you know me, you know that I do NOT talk in the mornings! She started rattling and asking asinine questions. Rebekah had gotten roses for her performance the night before (sidebar: She is in Sweeney Todd at JSU) and "Busy Busy" was messing with the flowers. She kept saying, "There ain't no coffee??" over and over. I finally screeched at her, "I JUST GOT UP! YOU WOKE ME UP!! I HAVEN'T FIXED IT YET". She said, "You needn't to get so excited". That was one of the times I wanted to shake her til her dentures fell out. Yes, I am an adult but I don't do morning.
It was my Sunday to go to church, but Rebekah had left me a note saying that I could not go, as I had to roll her hair for the matinee performance and she had to be there by 12:00 noon. (sigh) I love my Sunday to go to church. Okay, suck it up, I told myself. Keep in mind that Moma is still talking....talking.....talking.
After she ate, she got up and went to her room. She stayed a good while, but when she came out, she had on another robe and gown. When I asked her why she changed clothes, she said, "I put on something warm". Mind you, she had on a winter gown and robe before. I said, "I just washed that and you need a bath. You shouldn't have changed clothes until you get your bath". She said, "Oh I'm not getting a bath today. I don't feel like it". UGH! I said, "Yes, you need one, you smell bad". She snarled her nose and said, "You stink, you stink! That is all y'all say" (which is NOT true). She won that battle today. NO bath. I just didn't have the energy to fight her. She went back to bed to "prove" to me she felt so bad. (Fine by me, I thought)
When she came out after that nap, she had on.....yes, you guessed.....another clean robe and gown. Aikkk! I wanted to throttle her. God, who has a sense of humor, reminded me of a famous statement I made in 1992 about my friend's little boy, Brandon. I said to her, "I'd beat my child if he changed clothes as much as Brandon! Doesn't that drive you crazy??" Then Rebekah grew up, and wore 45 outfits per day, and God said, "What?" and I said, "Okay Lord, maybe I was a little hard on Brandon", but He wasn't through. He sent me Moma. So I wash relatively clean clothes because I never know if they have REALLY been worn or if they were just tried on (both Moma's and Rebekah's). HA HA! I get it Lord. Don't sweat the small things....I get it.
I know this is a long post but I have a lot to say today because she has nearly made me crazy today.
When Kerry got home, she had already been driving me crazy about supper. She started on him. "What we gone eat Kerry?" "You gone go get us something?" "Get us something good Kerry" He sent me! As I started out the door, he said, "Take her, she is driving me crazy!" So I did. She never shut her mouth the entire round trip! When we pulled up to Dairy Queen, after some conversation, she decided she wanted a hamburger. I told her I wanted chicken fingers. She said, "Well order an extra and give it to me, I'll pay you". I told her NO that she had to make a decision and stick with it. There will be no sharing food!! So, she decided she wanted a hamburger. She asked what I was ordering Kerry, I said, "a cheeseburger" She asked, "What's the difference between a cheeseburger and a hamburger?" (sigh..............) There was so much more lunacy, but I am worn out just reporting what I did. But I did want to share this picture. Take a look at a typical meal with her. See why I am broke.
I can't afford to pay my bills because I have to keep her in napkins.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Milk of Mag

Let's just say that we have had a "problem" the last few days and anything said about it would be too much information. Hopefully, we are on the mend. Calling the doctor is no help. They have no compassion on her or me! What did they recommend? Milk of Magnesia! With no details, it multiplies the problem to the 25th power. UGH!
She is also still on the money kick. She asked me today, "Can't you just let me have a little bit of MY money?" How sad. I can't imagine not being in control anymore. But she gave me this cock and bull story about how she had promised this "womern" at her church (that she has not been to in 2 years) that she'd help out with this certain offering, but mind you...she couldn't give me any names or details. Totally inappropriate of me, but I reminded her that NO ONE from her church comes to see her, calls her or even sends her cards. She might have had 3 cards since she's been here over a year. She is the oldest living member of her church! But I digress...what I am trying to say is that she makes up stories for her convenience. When she couldn't give me a name or what the offering was all about, she said plainly...."I want some money!" lol Some things never change.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

House Hockey

I don't think I have ever reported on this. Moma walks through the house with her cane whacking things out of her way. She sends dog toys sailing under beds and chairs. She uses that cane to push the dog food bowl back under the bar (the dogs "walk" it out in the floor as they pick out the pieces of Kibbles and Bits that they like). Then she takes great joy in smacking the discarded dog food into the wall under the bar. That is just where they land. She isn't aiming for the wall. She's just randomly hitting objects for the sheer pleasure of it. It is simply for her entertainment.
I've said it before and I'll say it again......It's like raising four year old twins.

Monday, February 16, 2009

The Waiting Game

Moma and I play this stupid game. After a meal, she takes something like a half eaten cookie or roll and folds it up in a napkin. She attempts to conceal it in her hand by putting it in her lap or covering it with the other hand. And then she looks around, like nothing is up. She watches me out of the corner of her eye as I do the same to her. She is waiting for me to leave the kitchen so she can feed the wrapped up item to my dogs. I am waiting on her to get up so I can wrestle the neatly wrapped bundle from her. I walk around the kitchen attempting to appear to be busy. I catch glimpses of her over my shoulder. She pretends to be content sitting at the table "finishing" her tea which is now only ice but she swears that she is not finished and continues to drink from the glass. This goes on for several minutes before I completely lose my mind and ask "Are you finished?" Then she looks at me as if I have two heads and says, "NO, I am not finished!" like I make a habit of taking her food away from her too soon. She keeps that offended look on her face as I walk away. Finally, I cannot stand it anymore...."You are not taking that to your room or feeding it to my dogs either!" Then she puts on her innocent act...."Why, I'm not going to feed this to the dogs!! I want to keep this so I'll have a little snack after while" YEAH RIGHT, and I just fell off the turnip truck!!
"Oh the games people play now, every night and every day now, never meaning what they say now, never saying what they mean"

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Good Behavior, but still Grouchy

For the most part, Moma's behavior has been good lately. She doesn't ramble near as much as she did. She stays in her room a good bit, not necessarily asleep. We hear that TV changing channels at volumes the neighbors complain about. She tends to her potty habits quietly and fairly well with an occaisional "surprise" in the bathroom floor. She can't be trusted or left alone, of course, but for some reason, she is a little easier to manage. BUT! She is still Moma. She still feeds the dogs! And she is still a touch grouchy at times!
For example, last night, she went to bed at 6:30 (for the night, she claimed) but at 10:00 she was up looking for something to eat. I had bought doughnuts from one of the teachers' kids. So, I warmed her one in the microwave, but I cut it in half. When I put it in front of her, she crabbed, "Why didn't you give me the whole thing?" I said, "Because if I had, you'd have said that you couldn't eat the whole thing." She said, "Well GIVE IT TO ME!!" Sigh...............

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

WARNING: Crude subject matter ahead....

I have debated whether or not to discuss this on my blog. I think I can do it without sharing too much information. The other night, Kerry and I had the monitor in the den listening to Moma talk to herself. She was talking a blue streak, but you couldn't understand all of it, but we kept hearing one common word. It was the "S" bomb. She was saying it over and over in her slurred sentences. As we turned up the monitor, we began to make out the gist of it. She was talking to "someone" but it could have been HER she was referring to making a mess. She kept saying, "You orta haf to clean that Sh*t up" "Ewwww, that smells like Sh*t" and "No, you ain't sh*tting on me!" I mean these basic thoughts were repeated over and over in different ways. It was hysterical! Kerry said, "You better go in there, there may be a mess to clean up". I just looked at him as if he had two heads....
Free info: Be yourself! The people who matter won't mind, and the ones who mind, don't matter.

Saturday, February 7, 2009


Today has not been one of Moma's best days. She has been cold all day (which is strange considering this is the warmest day we've had lately). She also has really had a hard time walking. She ate breakfast about 9ish, went back to bed, then she ate lunch around 11:30. My sister came down to stay while I ran a few errands. When I got home 2 hours later, she was ready to go back to bed. She is also yawning a lot. I am wondering what her oxygen levels are. Am I wrong, or does this seem like a new season in her life....closer to the end? For some reason, I feel like I am being prepared for that.
Even though she has felt bad today, she cracked me up at supper. She kept saying something to Kerry about being 90 years old, and he said, "You're 95!" She looked at him so seriously and said, "Shut-up". lol We all burst out laughing!! She loved it (because she was the center of attention, which is her favorite place to be!)

Friday, February 6, 2009

Smarty Pants

The sitter said that Moma had been a smarty pants today. She tried to feed the dogs candy. She rambled in the refrigerator. But...most of the "events" involved Christopher. They just do not get along. lol
She seems to stay in her room more. Her speech is not always clear. Her eyes look almost hollow to me. I just hate this! This is so not my grandmother. She is funny. She is full of life! I think she would never want to be this way if she were in her right mind. This may sound cruel, but I just wish God would take her home.
Now, don't misunderstand me. She still has good days. She still does funny stuff. But I have seen her go down so much even in the last month. She seems more fragile. I just hate old age.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Hard Times

I realize that these are hard economic times, but I cannot understand the logic behind saving ice. Let me explain. Every time Moma finishes a drink, she rinses off her ice with great care, and puts her cup in the refrigerator. Then, she turns to me and says, "Don't let nobody throw my ice away". Hello????? ICE MELTS!!!!!!!!!!!! At first, I tried to reason with her. I explained that ice was NOT a problem. I told her that it would only melt in the refrigerator. All this to no avail. As I type, there is a cup of clean ice from supper in the 'fridge. Sigh..........

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


Recently a friend gave me a book describing the signs of a coming death in elderly people. I read it and thought, that is not Moma. But lately, she seems to stay in her room more, sleep more, and eat less. She still eats good, but not like she had been. Every time the phone rings at school, I expect it to be bad news. She is still feisty but less and less. But on a positive note, she did tell Kerry to Kiss her "you know what" tonight. lol There's still a lot of fight left in her.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

How cute!

This is my Moma at around age 13 or 14. Hard to believe that just a few years later (at age 15) she was a mother!

Monday, February 2, 2009

My bowels

How precious that Moma wanted to discuss her bowel movements at supper tonight. She wanted to go into great details. I quickly stopped that. Then, after supper, I proceeded to give her the medicine that my sister brought for her "situation". She tried to die, and didn't want to drink it but she did. Then she got crazy and wanted to call my sister to discuss it. She said, "I need to call her and ask her what it was she told me to do!" What am I? an idiot?? I turned her around and marched her right back to her room. Mothering a 95 year old is serious work.