A Quick Funny

Don't have time to post but a quick funny....Moma has been sneaking around the Halloween candy for days. She sneaked her out a couple of pieces and like we do our children sometimes, I let her, knowing what the outcome would be. She started unwrapping it at the lunch table after being a real smarty about lunch. The look on her face when she stuck that GREEN APPLE Jolly Rancher in her mouth was priceless. I'd love to share it with you but I don't think my face will contort like that. ROFL!!!! Just a tiny piece of justice. Love it.

Long Weekend

Kerry and Christopher left for Panama City yesterday for some softball something or other. They will be home Sunday evening. I knew it was going to be a long weekend, so I asked my sister if she would sit with Moma Friday night and let me get out. I wanted to go to my friend's Birthday Celebration (4 years AA! So proud of you!) She was good and slept all night (so far as I know). I went to bed at 9p and finally got out of the bed this morning at 10a. lol Of course, Moma woke me up 3 times but I kept going back to bed.
Moma was a little feeble early in the day, but was good for the most part. She got up from the lunch table and all but demanded I get the rollers and do her hair. Unlike many women, I LOVE college foot ball and was watching GA and FLA and really didn't want to do hair. So, I went to the bathroom and got the curling iron thinking, I'll get this over with quick! LORD!!! It's like trying to style a monkey's hair. She turns her head and moves around so much if I was cutting it, she'd be bald. I burned her a couple of times (not on purpose, I swear) because she would not be still and hold her head like I had it. After I styled it she looked in the mirror and said, "Next time I'd prefer the rollers". Ugh.....
After supper, she proclaimed that she was going to bed. (HA) I gave her the "night night" medicine, hoping she really would. She literally opened her door and came out of her room 6 times in a row. It was like a child fighting sleep. I had opened up a "project" and had it spread out on the kitchen table. I just put it up and decided to do that little project at school. She went back to her room, and I went to the basement to do laundry. Like clockwork, I heard her cane on the floor over my head. She was up!  Ugh! Then, she went back to bed and I made a dash for the bathroom  to get my bath. I had no sooner soaped up when I heard her door open. She was up! I hurried and got out to find her rambling through the refrigerator. She had a bag of pecans with one hand jammed all the way in up to her elbow! I snatched the bag from her, ready to rip her head off, and she looked up at me and said, "Please can I have something to eat?" Like a freaking homeless person. I guess I am paying for her good behavior and my little outing last night. I may double dose her night time meds!

NO NO NO

Today is NOT Sunday!! So therefore, tomorrow is NOT Monday. 
Thank you

Flu Shot

Today Moma got a flu shot. As big of a wuss as she is, you would think she would scream. She never knew when the nurse stuck her.But she has made up for it. She's been dying since about 3:00 "Somethin's wrong" "Reckon what it is" "Can the doctor give you somethin'?" I asked her to explain what it was, her answer? "I can't express myself" LOL You'd think she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Can't express herself! She didn't have any trouble expressing her feelings for me Sunday.

Monday Blues

Teacher Inservice....sigh
Card night......sigh
Kids both gone.....sigh
Pray I don't kill her. She is busy. She has asked a million questions. She is being ugly. And I have no resources to deal with her insanity tonight.

Happy 100th Birthday Alabama City Church of God

Today, Moma's church celebrated their 100th birthday. There was to be a big hoo-rah and they wanted the Precious Princess in attendance since she is their oldest living member. I tried not to mention anything about this to her because she tends to drive me crazy about stuff. So, late yesterday afternoon, I told her that I was going to roll her hair for church. She was so excited! All she talked about was going to church. Sherry came by and she told Sherry that she was going to church! She asked me like 25 times if I would wake her up and make sure she got dressed. I was singing "Beauty School Drop-out" when I was combing her out (because I am one and she was so happy I felt like singing). Life was good.
This morning, I woke her at 8:00. She claimed she could not get up and eat her breakfast. I tried to pull her up and she slammed herself back down in the bed. I sat her up and she fell over to the other side. I handed her her house shoes, she kicked them across the room. It was like waking a sleepy child (or teenager). She finally moved around enough, I guess, that she had awakened her bladder. So she had to get on her pot. I went back to finish her breakfast thinking she was coming on to the kitchen. She never did, so when I went to check on her, I found her covered up to her neck sound asleep. I pulled back the covers, sat her up and she grabbed the covers and pulled them up and fell back down into her pillow. I finally got her up and to the breakfast table. She moaned and groaned all through her oatmeal and coffee. She called Jesus for help, and kept raising her hands like she was in church. She finally finished eating and I almost never got the pills down her. She said, "Julie, I can't go to church. I've got to go back to bed". But she continued to moan and call on Jesus....so  I got up to help her. She went back to sleep until I woke her up about 9:15. It was the same scenario, but this time, she flat refused to get up. I talked to her until I was blue in the face. I reminded her about the church's celebration, and the pastor's insistence that she was there to no avail. She began flapping her arms and mumbling non-sense while shaking her head no. I walked out, and left to go to MY church.
When I came home, Kerry informed me that she was mad at me. He said she made a grand entrance in the den fully dressed ready for church at 11:00! Church started at 10:30. She ranted and raved and he sent her back to her room. When I went down there, she was in the bed with her clothes on. Since she was dressed, I offered to take her out to eat to be nice (see, I have good intentions).
Off we go to Applebees. I will not go into all the stuff she did in there, because if you are a follower, you know. So embarrassing....
But when we got home, all I could think about was a nap. Thinking she'd do the same, I changed clothes and started making ready for my nap. After 3 phone calls (2 ignored, 1 answered) I began the dizzy dozy feeling...ahhh, bliss. And then I heard the click. CRAP!!!!
Now, I know this is a long post so to shorten it a bit, I'll hit the highlights. She was a busy little beaver...IN TO EVERYTHING!!! She rambled and yakked like a 5 year old. But here are the highlights:

• After a fight over feeding the dogs, she said, "Julie....I've seen some crazy people in this world, but you've got 'em all beat!" 
• She called me a "damn bitch" again over feeding the dogs.
• Opened the french doors and leaned down the steps to pick dead leaves off my plant (no rail).
• Stood behind me in my chair and scratched the top of my head with her finger, and when I looked up, she just grinned and did one of her little smart a** laughs.
• During the food fight, she told me that if she couldn't feed the dogs, she'd feed the chickens out there. I told her that we didn't have chickens. She said, in her smarty pants voice, "I know we don't, but the neighbors do" (NOT)
• There is not one thing in my house that she hasn't run her fingers over.

Please pray that I don't kill her tonight. This will be funny tomorrow. Tonight....it ain't.

Saturday

Today I am sad for my cyber-friend, Ashley, she lost her grandfather. Her mom was in my situation being a caregiver to a dependent independent elderly person. Ashley made a great point on her recent blog about her grandfather. She observed that making them aware that they are dependent on us for the basics of life, is not doing anything but making us crazy and disrespecting them. I know that I never think of myself as a 51 year old woman. I think of myself as a 30-something strong-willed, super woman, who can do anything she sets her mind to. So I imagine it is the same way with elderly people, especially those who are mentally challenged due to dementia. Her grandfather, like my strong-willed grandmother, did not think about himself as a weakling who depended on his child (or in my case grandchild) for life. Ashley made me re-think my attitude. I know that I will still go crazy with her and want to kill her from time to time, but at least I am aware that she thinks about herself as someone who is able to do anything. Thanks Ashley.....you are wise beyond your years!

Uppercut?

No, I did not uppercut Moma's chin. She bumped into something or ???? She has a massive bruise on her mouth/chin. She never screamed once (and she always screams when she hits herself)! Who knows??

She has been quiet tonight, but I don't want to jinx it, so that is all....:)

Okay, back to me

Today has been a day from Hades! After a GREAT morning at the BEST middle school in Gadsden, I took a half day to get a massage for ME! Got to Gadsden State, they had canceled it and left me a message (never got it). NICE! Then, I took that in stride, and headed to the AT&T store to upgrade my phone since it has a mind of its own and turns off and on at will. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, can't do that until Feb. 8th. NICE! Had to go to Wal-Mart and buy me one of those tacky little Go phones and put my sim card in it. Again, NICE! Decided I had better go on home since my luck was running short. And Moma was on one of her dying campaigns. Then when I got her settled down, the nurse came by to stir her up again. I turned up the baby monitor and hear a pack of the best lies I have ever heard. Moma told that nurse that she had begged to get her hair done and nobody would do it for her. Then that she was NEVER dizzy. I had to intervene. When the nurse left, she had a sudden attack of diarrhea of the mouth. She did not shut up for 2 hours. She is in bed for now. I am seriously considering alcohol therapy.

IF I DON'T KILL HER TONIGHT, I NEVER WILL!

Yes, I know I say that a lot! Here...walk in my shoes.

Don't get me wrong. I don't care what she eats or how much she eats. I do not want her to feed it to my dogs. But....come on. Since supper tonight, she has been up 4 times with more to come I'm sure. She's had ice cream, oreos, milk, pudding, and Tylenol. Now, I gave her Trazadone at supper so it would be working by MY bedtime, but just now, I gave her a little Tylenol PM to boost it. It would be different if she were sitting in the den and wanted a snack, but she gets my hopes up and declares that she feels sooo bad that she is going to bed. Then she appears in that door whining my name. And I have to get up and go into the kitchen RIGHT THEN! or she will just help herself. And that makes me want to hurt her. I am dealing with a couple of physical things right now, and in NO MOOD to put up with a 4 year old. She has interrupted my TV and Facebook time tonight! lol

Ugh....

Let's Be Friends

At the supper table last night-
Moma: Kerry....why are you lettin' your whiskers grow? Are you a growin' a beard (pronounced beeer-d)?
Kerry: Yeah
Moma: (looks at me) Julie....do you like that?
Me: No m'am
Momaw: You're such a purty man, don't cover up yore face with all that hair. Why don't you shave?
(We are grinning)
Momaw: Julie....do you mind me sayin' that?
Me: No, why?
Momaw: Well, I know he ain't my man, but he's my friend. You don't mind us being friends, do you?
(It's all we can do not to fall out of our chairs laughing!) She asked Kerry for more tea.....
Me: Pour your friend some tea!
Kerry: Shut-up!

Last night

Mr. Payne came home yesterday about 5:30ish. I was napping in my chair, and Moma had gone back to her room at some point during my nap. She hates for me to nap. We chatted while he unpacked and brought in his things. She didn't get up until supper. She barely ate before she headed back to bed. All was quiet on the home front until about 2 am. Kerry woke me up and said, "Go see what your crazy grandmother is doing". She woke him up whacking her cane on the door of her room hollering "HEY". I got to her room to find her sitting in her bath chair, looking like the cat who swallowed the canary. As I entered her room, I saw her blankets and sheets strewn all over the floor. Her pillows were bare. She had stripped off the pillow cases. I said, "What in the world?? Why did you do this?" She looked like a 4 year old. "I didn't do that! Some womern came in here and pulled all them off and said, 'Now you fix 'em'". I was re-making her bed at 2 am. The urge to kill is at an all time, scary, high.

And again...

Once again, I waited to post until a day after the most recent motive for murder, however, she pulled another stunt last night, so I'll have to post lest I forget.
Tuesday evening, our last with Mr. Payne out of town, was fairly quiet. I got in from my middle school game around 7:15. Moma had been fed and was in the bed. Son said she had been okay, not too bad. Yes! I thought to myself. I can watch Glee with no interruptions. WRONG! It's as if she has radar....she got up when she realized that I was home. She wanted something to eat and/or drink (in other words, she was bored), so I fixed her one of her little "bottles" and gave her a cookie. She went back to bed. I didn't give her  night meds (stupid) because I was being positive, hoping for the best. About 3:15, I awoke to her wailing and coming after me. "Julie...Julie....somethin's wrong! I'm a dyin'!" She was gagging and coughing and hacking up well, nothing basically, but trying to. She began hollering about her chest "a hurtin". I went to the kitchen and got her 2 Tylenol. She was gasping...."I can't swallow"....."I'm a dyin'" I snatched her water off the table, shoved it into her hand and growled through gritted teeth, "TAKE THIS TYLENOL NOW!" I am not happy when I get awakened, especially by total nonsense. I went back to bed (Stupid). The next thing I knew, she was in my room weeping and wailing about her dying, and something bad being wrong, and call the doctor.....blah blah blah. I finally just got up to ride out the storm in her room. I went to the kitchen to get (arsenic? no) her a Pepsid and as a last thought, grabbed 2 Melatonin.  This time, she opened her mouth with NO arguments. But it didn't help. She cried, she hollered, she prayed, she flipped and flopped, she got in the floor (6 times, and one time crawled). She kicked her legs in the air, she stomped the floor, and once she was slinging her body around on that futon, she hit her hand and another time her head on the table by her head and cried like a 4 year old. This went on until 6:00. I lied one time and told her I called Dr. Robinson and he wanted her to take this pill (yep, this time you are right...one of my Percosets from my surgery) At 6:00, she was asleep like a little innocent baby!
I'll post last night's adventure later this evening. Check back....it's a doozy.

Cooling off period

I could not post anything until I cooled off lest my pastor be called to me. OMG! Kerry goes out of town, and Mildred loses her mind. I think she has it in her mind that he is gone and she can push me around. And she is basically correct. She wants to eat every hour. She forgets that she has eaten. She has a tape worm so large, I plan to name him. Stay tuned for that.
All weekend, she ate and ate and ate and ate and ate....well, you get the idea. There was no filling her up. She HATES pizza and plainly let Cheryl know that when she so GRACIOUSLY sat with the Princess on Saturday night, but when Christopher put a frozen pizza in the oven Sunday evening.....nothing would do but that she have not one, not two, but THREE pieces of his pizza. It was NOT that he wanted the whole thing, but she HATES pizza. She promptly went to bed at 6:30, but I knew she wouldn't stay. She got up for more at 8:30, 9:30, 10:30, 11:15, 1:30ish, 2:30ish, 3:30ish. I finally told her that if she got up again, I would KILL her. I went to bed and tried to figure out what to do with the body until daylight.

Crazy Cane

Okay, if you know me, you know that on Thursday nights during Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice I do not take phone calls or any other interruptions. My family knows not to ask ANYTHING of me. But little Mildred....she is another story. Right in the middle of Greys, she came in to ask for ice cream. I gave her a small bowl. She went back to bed. Then during Private Practice, she came back in wanting another bowl of ice cream. Kerry told her no. It is easier for me to just give her what she wants (and growl about it), than try to argue with her. Mr. Payne had his mind made up that she was not going to get anything else to eat. I was caught in the middle. She started back to the kitchen. I knew where she was headed. Sure enough, I found her rambling through my refrigerator. I was so angry, I grabbed her little arm and jerked her out of that refrigerator. She had a piece of cheese in her hand. I reached for the chocolate milk to give her and yelled at her to sit down. When I turned around, she was shaking and jerking like a raving Mr. Magoo. She had that cane drawn back and let me know that she'd knock the hell out of me. I was so mad, I grabbed the cane and threw it into the den out of her reach.I can laugh now. It was not funny then.
Today she had one of her dying spells.It was a good one too. She asked God to take her home. And I seconded it!