Sunday, November 29, 2009

Chex Mix?

Imagine the pleasure of waking to the sound of a cane thumping through your home. As I lay in bed, in and out of sleep, I was aware that she was moving around the house. I wasn't too concerned as it sounded like, to me, that she was in our living room. I figured she was looking out the picture window. I must have drifted off. Kerry woke me, "She's in the pantry!" I flung back the covers, jerked open our bedroom door, and there, between the doors of my pantry stood Moma elbow deep in a bag of Chex Mix. She wasn't even a little surprised when I opened the door. The truth is she did not care. She was munching on some Turtle Chex Mix (and no telling what else). Ugh....

Friday, November 27, 2009

Catch up

Whew! The last 72 hours has been a whirlwind of insanity. Starting with Wednesday night when I had to bodily remove her from the kitchen. She was determined (at 10:30 pm) to have her a cookie that I was baking for Thanksgiving. It was a very ugly scene, with her telling us to "ram the cookies" and to "Kiss her ass" (her favorite response to anything she doesn't like). I thought Kerry was going to have a stroke, he was so mad at her.
Thanksgiving day was another fun day. I made her sit down and watch the parade with me (she slept). When I started getting ready, she woke up and came into the bathroom with me (which is so typical). I got her a washcloth and got her started washing up. Too bad I cannot share those details because they are precious! lol When we got to Kerry's mother's house (which was so much fun loading food and Moma in the truck BY MYSELF), I sat her down at the table (to save time). When the food was ready, I fixed her a BIG plate with one of everything (her favorite). She began eating and did not stop the whole rest of the time we were there. I thought she would explode. She couldn't finish her dessert, so she did the logical thing. She dumped it off the PAPER plate it was on (because we wouldn't want to take that home) into a paper napkin and rolled it up and was about to shove it into her coat pocket. We all stopped her because the cake was not going to stay in the napkin and the icing would be all over her coat. Kerry's mother got up to get her some aluminum foil. Kerry was fussing at Moma. He took the foil and put it on the table and said in a rather loud voice...."HERE!" She flung the whole thing on the foil and said, "Take the damn thing". It was going down an ugly path, but I looked at her across that table and said, "Hush" in that voice my mother used to use in delicate situations and for some reason, it worked. We got home around 3, and my sister picked her up at 4:30 for Thanksgiving at her house. She kept her until 8:00!!!!!!!!!!!! Rebekah and I did not know what to do! We loaded up the dogs and got in the car in search of something (we really did not know what). After riding around 30 minutes, we ended up at McDonalds where I bought Bek and the dogs some Chicken McNuggetts and me a cheeseburger. Not what we wanted, but just so thankful to be out and to be free!!! We came home, built a huge roaring fire and watched Holiday Inn and White Christmas. It was a precious time with my baby girl!
This morning, Moma woke me up at 7:55 am yelling "You gone sleep all day?" Ugh.......

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Princess and the Lights (this should be a fairy tale)

I have been at home all day with the princess. She has not been too bad, but trying. About 3:00, I told her that we were going to see the lights tonight at the falls. I told her that she should go and pick out what she wanted to wear. I came in from taking the dogs out at 3:30 and she was already in that closet. Finally, at 5:30, I started trying to get her out the door. I begged her to take her little hat that goes with her coat, but she refused.
Kerry met us at the truck and got her out. She complained about being cold. She complained about having to walk. She complained about having to get on the train. Once we got on the train (and my camera's battery died after the first picture!), she started fidgeting. She looked at me and said, "Julie, help me hang on to this stick (her cane)" She was worrying it would fall out. I could tell she was about to freak out. When the train started, she begin to whine about being cold. I reminded her that I tried to get her to bring her hat. She pulled out a handkerchief and began trying to tie it around her head. I looked one time and it was over her forehead and eyes like a bandanna. She worked with it, missing half the lights, for what seemed like half the trip. I wanted her to enjoy the lights, but as usual, she was more interested in something that was all about her.
When I got her home, she did the Tim Conway shuffle step to her room and talked like an invalid for about an hour. In her mind, she had been through the wringer.
If you are close by, don't miss the lights at Noccalula Falls. They are spectacular, and there are lots of extras! Kids can write a letter to Santa, decorate a cookie, visit the petting zoo, and see Santa! Bring your kids and your camera! It is fabulous!

Monday, November 23, 2009

The details...

Okay Okay....I was home with her all day Saturday. She was bossy, nosy, and into everything. She had my things rearranged in every room in this house. I started cleaning house to get her to go to bed. For some reason when I get out the vacuum cleaner, she goes to her room! Afraid I'll ask her to help I guess. But even that did not keep her down Saturday. She had a nasty attitude too. She called Rebekah a liar, and argued with me about everything I said. So, on to Sunday. My day to go to church, and Kerry Payne's day to stay with her. When I got in from church, she was at the table eating. Kerry and Rebekah reported that she had eaten one of everything in the house. Kerry was parching peanuts in the oven to take to the golf course. She got her some peanuts out of the oven and cracked them. She had them in a napkin in her pocket. I caught her feeding them to the dogs. I took them away from her, and she scolded me, saying "You'll be sorry!" Then she started praying out loud. "Jesus, I can't eat nothing. Jesus help me Lord. Everything I do is wrong. Help me Jesus!" Of course, being the smart tail I am I shouted "NO JESUS HELP ME!!!" Kerry came in and fussed at her, and she put her fingers in her ears and said, "shut-up, shut-up, shut-up" over and over. She was awful all day. Arguing about everything, she made Kerry so mad at her I thought he might pack up and leave! I had to go back to church for our community Thanksgiving service, and once again, left him here with her. When I got home, it wasn't any better. They'd been at each other's throats, but she was in bed. As usual, in no time after my arrival at home, she came into the kitchen wanting something. Her speech was slow, but I didn't think anything about it since she'd been asleep. I fixed her chocolate milk which she dropped in the floor and spilled it everywhere. After I cleaned it up, I told her to go put on a dry gown. She said, "I hate to ask this, but can I have some more? I didn't get but a sip" UGH! I wanted to KILL her. After she drank the tiny amount I gave her, she went off to her room. She was staggering, but no more than usual. She got in her room and closed the door. We heard a thud, and Kerry said, "She fell!" I went down there and found her buck naked in the floor with a bleeding knee. We now think she had a mini stroke. The weekend went from bad to worse. She was CRAZY as a run over dog until she finally went to sleep. Ask me if I am weary...go on...I dare you.

Sunday, November 22, 2009


She has been awful today! Just awful!!! Details to come later. Film at 11....

Saturday, November 21, 2009


Today, I am going to attempt to clean this nasty house. We usually put up a tree this week at some point. I have NO desire to put up a tree. I don't want to move furniture to make that happen. I really don't want to clean, except that I enjoy breathing clean air. The very life has been sucked right out of me. Thanks be to God, family and close friends, I do still have the Christmas spirit in my heart. I can close my eyes and be on Santa's lap in that old Sears building. I can still smell the popcorn from the dime store where my mother is looking at Christmas wrap. But then reality sets in when I catch her in my refrigerator feeding my dogs, or whining about how bad she feels. Send up a prayer for God to GIVE me what I need to continue this journey. He will supply, I know.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Princess and MY MAKE-UP!

This morning at 5:30, I discovered that the little princess had been up all night working. She had rearranged everything in my bathroom and had gotten into my make-up drawer and had strategically placed items from that drawer all over the counter. She had even rearranged the jewelry I had left on the counter. Then I heard her in her room. She was opening drawers, moving stuff, bumping around like a mover. She opened her door. She had on her glasses, the paper in her hand, and her water mug. She was going to the kitchen. I stopped her because Kerry was still asleep. She said, "I'm a trying to get my bed made up and my room straightened up" like she was expected to do this. I said, "Obviously, you have worked all night!" She bowed up, "I certainly did not! I slept good last night!" So, instead of having a little time to myself this morning, I had to clean out my make-up drawer, and put it all in a plastic container in the closet. Great! I'll never find anything. That closet has almost everything I own in it. Guess I'm in the market for a safe.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Home again.....

Okay, we got home today and Moma was dead asleep. I mean OUT of it. We unloaded the car and put away all our stuff including all the Christmas stuff we bought!! She didn't wake up for about an hour! Wow!
The heat was off. The temp in our house was a chilly 63 degrees. We keep it on 67 but 63 is a bit cool. Two kamikaze birds had flown into our heating unit and died. Nice. Anyway, the house is a toasty (too warm) 69. Mr. Payne is trying to make up for her freezing the whole time we were gone. BUT! in our defense, no one bothered to tell us the heat wasn't coming on. Kelli slept fully clothed! but did she tell me? No.
When she woke up, she was all sweet, and I'm glad you're home, and I missed you, and I love you, but by the time we ate supper, she was back to her usual complaining. "This ain't fit to eat" she said about the Subway sandwich I bought her. "This bread ain't no good". The last time I got her a sandwich, I chose white bread for her thinking it might be softer. She said, "How come your bread is pretty and brown and mine is white?" So this time, you guessed it. I chose wheat bread for her, like ours, and she hated it. There is no winning with her EVER. The truth in this is that just when you think you are doing something for her that she will really enjoy. Forget it. Old people are so unpredictable, like small children. You can NEVER figure them out.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Has it only been 2 years?

Thursday the 12th was Moma's 2 year anniversary at our house. Seems like 20! (lol) Oh well....I'm in Gatlinburg. Kelli and Rebekah have Moma. Maybe I can get them to post.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

My Off Day

How did I spend my off day?
Well, before I report the ramblings of the princess let me take a moment to personally thank every US soldier past and present! I do not take my freedom lightly. I am in AWE of you and what you do! Thank you guys (and gals) for the peace of mind to live my life without fear.
I awoke to the sound of my precious grandmother's cane thumping down toward the kitchen. She passed me in the bed and said, "Good Morning" like she sees me there all the time. Needless to say, I got up, and she wanted breakfast. You know I don't speak in the mornings so it is very hard for me to focus on what she is saying much less answer her. I got her fed and back to bed for her morning nap. She stayed down a couple of hours and I was able to wash clothes and get some work done. (Thank you Lord for small favors).
She awoke about 10:45 wanting something to eat. I told her to go get dressed and we'd go out for lunch. She snarled at first, but saw I wasn't taking no for an answer. It literally took her an hour to get ready. But then again, part of that time was spent standing and pawing through drawers looking for God only knows what. We finally got out of the house with her protesting the whole way. "I ain't got no business getting out." (yeah yeah, whatever) We went through the car wash, and on to DQ for chicken fingers and fries. I kept asking her what she wanted to eat, and finally she slapped my arm and said, "You know I ain't hard to please". I nearly ran off the road at such a lie. We ate without too much commotion. Then when we left, I decided to run to my school and put the plants I had in the back seat in my library. As we passed a group of black men working at a church, she said, "Hmm...Looks like the n****** are having a yard sale". I said, "Moma! Please don't say that word!" She said, "What??" in her high pitched voice, like a defensive southern belle. We left there and headed to the library to return some books on CD. She asked a million questions on the way. If she is confused about where we are, she'll say "What do they call this around here?" lol Uh, that would be downtown Gadsden. I tried to get her to go in the "dime store" with me, but she was having no part of it. I had an hour to kill before my dentist appointment. I managed to eat up 30 minutes, but went on to the dentist early, thinking I might get in fast. (No such luck)
Waiting rooms are a source of terror for me when she is in tow. She is liable to say or do anything. We sat there with her asking "Is the doctor here?" "Do they know you are here?" and other such nonsensical questions. Then.....she leaned in, patted my leg and said, "Hey"......(never a good sign). Fearfully I looked at her, "What?" I whispered hoping she'd take the hint to whisper too. She pointed at a man sitting 2 people away and said in a conversation tone, "Look how big his feet are!" OH MY GOSH!! I wanted to die. I was praying they'd call me so I could leave her. I turned my head to her and quietly said, "Hush". Soon they called me back, and I had to leave her out there for about 25 minutes to get x-rays. Secretly hoping she'd be gone when I got back, I went out to get her after they finished. I motioned for her to come to me. "What do you want?" she growled at me. "Come back and sit in the room with me while they clean my teeth" I said. "Good Lord!" she said, and got up. While in the room, she grunted, she moaned, she burped and hiccuped, she asked questions. She talked so loud about being thirsty, the office manager brought her some water. Needless to say, she has made her last trip to my dentist office.
Why do they let us out of school anyway? I'd much rather work.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Here's the sad news....

No, I did not just discover this. It's been in the back of my mind for YEARS! Are you ready? I am going to be 100% like my crazy lunatic grandmother!!! Maybe that is why I have so much resentment and disgust built up. How did I come to this conclusion?
A. I talk to my self like she does. I even have conversations with these imaginary people or I am rehearsing a conversation I am going to have.
B. Excessive gas, enough said.
C. We both love to eat and we prefer things that are not really good for us. Ice cream, chocolate, Dr. Pepper, etc. You get the picture.
D. We are both affectionate people, only she loves to be the center of attention and I prefer not to be.
E. We are both smart asses and hateful guts.
F. We both love animals.
G. We both pray about everything.
H. We are both clumsy.
That is just to name a few. Kerry says every day that he is living with Moma to the 2nd power. (Third if you count Rebekah, but she is not ready to handle this revelation yet)
The biggest difference is that she thinks the world should revolve around her and she should always be carried around on a down pillow. Me, however, I'm the workhorse. I expect nothing (and get it), but sometimes wish I had 5% of the world's revolution around me.
Today is my confession of this discovery that I have know for some time, just never wanted to admit it. Sigh...............

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Where should I start?

Hoo boy! She has done so much lately....where can I begin?

Wednesday, the new sitter had to wrestle a chicken bone from her gnarly little hands. She had every intention of feeding the dogs. When I got home, the sitter was worn out. Before the poor woman left, Moma said to her, "I don't appreciate you telling on me".

Thursday evening, she was brand new again. She looked at our new church directory and could not find my parents' picture (that would be because there is no branch of Olan Mills in Heaven to make their picture). She found my sister but never mentioned my picture at all. She tried all night to slip something to the animals; ice cream, cracker, cookie, chocolate milk.....ugh.

Friday when I got home, Moma was asleep. The sitter had taken her out for ice cream and she had laid down afterward. I was busy settling in for the day when I heard her staggering through the house praying and moaning. I met her at the den door. "Moma, what is wrong?" She was shaking her head (hard) from side to side. "Something is wrong with me. I am going crazy!" Long story short, this episode lasted a good 15-20 minutes of her carrying on about feeling crazy and aching all over, and of course her famous line of not being about to explain it. Oh I can't forget that she kept complaining of being nervous. I gave her a random dose of 1 Tylenol and told her it was for her nerves. I instructed her to come into the den with me and sit down in front of the television and get her mind off her troubles. I went to the computer and paid her no attention, so she launched further into her 18th verse of her favorite song, "I'm dying". "Julie! Who....who can you call to pray for me?" "I'm praying for you Moma", I replied but of course I was praying for her to hush. "Call Sherry....(mumbled lots of totally nonsensical words) She needs to call the doctor." When she got no standing ovation for her performance, she got up. She staggered over to the door and announced that she was going to bed. I got up and followed her to her room to get her settled. I had no sooner stepped across the threshold of the kitchen when I heard her on the baby monitor. "Julie......JULIE.....JULIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I went back down there, and stood in the door for a minute watching her grand finale. "What?" I asked. "Have we got any chocolate milk?" Ugh!!!
So, the next time you think you may be dying, don't hesitate to pour you a big glass of this chocolaty wonder drink. It cures what ails you.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

She fooled me again!

Yesterday, of course being another rainy yucky day, Moma was achy and whiny. She never feels good on days like these, but she didn't stay in bed like she usually does. She walked the floors, was demanding and bossy, and slept in a chair in the den moaning and groaning! I could not so much as go to the basement to wash clothes. At supper, I gave her "bedtime" meds with her supper meds hoping for a head start on a peaceful night. She stayed down about 2 hours. Up again wanting ice cream at 8:30. So I gave her some more "night night" meds because I have come to the conclusion that she is becoming immune to them. This time, she stayed down a little while longer, but all the while yakking and talking in her sleep. I know she is going to be crazy when she does this. At midnight, she got up and Kerry caught her in the kitchen. She wanted something to eat. He refused her telling her it was midnight and she could eat in the morning. She said, "But I am hungry now". Again, he told her no. She went back to bed and said, "You'll be sorry for this!" So then at 2 am she woke me up carrying on like a crazy person! She was "tremmmmling" all over. All she could tell me was that she was so nervous. I got up and got one of the little pills Dr. Robinson had given her for that. I went back to bed, and within 20 minutes, she was up again. This time she was standing in my living room in the pitch dark squatting down and standing up by the chair praying. "Moma, what is it now?" She can talk crazy when she wants to....she was mumbling and not saying really anything. "MOMA! What is it?" She looked up at me with blank eyes and said her famous "I don't know, I can't explain it" I started trying to get her back into her room as she was very loudly praying and swaying. I made her lie down, covered her up head to toe and dared her to get up again. She kept saying, "God can heal me or he can take me home". She was carrying on something good. I went to bed thinking that this may be her time. I laid awake awhile pondering on that while I could hear her in her room praying. But as always, she was up this morning by the time I awoke, acting as if nothing had happened. She is a drama queen extraordinaire!