Tonight, I do not like Moma at all! period! No discussion please. It sounds so ugly, but it is REAL. If this blog is to serve as a journaled real life experience, for people to understand everything involved with being a family caregiver, then I must be honest.
And honestly, I do not like my grandmother at all tonight. I won't mention how I feel about various other family members though.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
They're coming to take me away..........
Does anyone remember that song from the 60's or early 70's? They're coming to take me away (he he ha ha) to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time...........
I used to think that losing your mind must be the ultimate bliss. What was that other song that said, "It's nice to be insane, no one asks you to explain" or something like that? I mean, I seriously thought losing your mind was the best state to be in. No one holds you responsible or asks you to do anything. BUT! since November 2007, I have changed my feelings on that. It is getting crazier and crazier around here. For example:
Last night, she came into the den and asked Kerry to get a large garbage bag to put her diapers in. He told her to put them in the trash can. Well according to her, she doesn't have one (she does). He took her in there and showed it to her. She said, "Well the garbage man won't pick that up". He told her that we had to empty the garbage cans in the house into the one out back and the garbage man would pick that up. Now, this idiocy went on for several more minutes, I have just abridged the story and jumped to the main point. So, several hours later, she came into the den, and got right in front of me and said (as if a secret), "They tell me that the garbage man won't pick up diapers anymore". Needless to say, Kerry and Christopher started laughing so hard that I couldn't hardly look her in the face. God love her.
Today, I have told her 150 times WHO is graduating tonight (my precious baby girl), and YES you gave her some money! Now, I am serious when I say that she would ask, and within 5 minutes ask again! That wears me out as much as anything. Repeating everything!
But today's most precious little item is this: Today I went to Fred's to buy her some diapers (a. because they fit better and b. because she requested some MEN's diapers. The pack says for MEN and WOMEN). Anyway, I bought 2 eight pack Reese's Cups for Bek (since she is the graduate) and for Chrisopher and Moma to split. However, she was asleep when I got in. Rebekah opened hers and was eating one when Moma came into the kitchen. She immediately noticed them and said, "I want one of those". Rebekah said, "No, Momma bought you some". She was then just going to take it. So Rebekah jerked them out of her hand and said, "NO!" So Moma tapped her with her cane and said, "You are the most hateful thing". The whole time I am trying to show her that I bought her some. I had a bag of chocolate covered caramels (I can't spell the name of the candy) that I ADORE and she had her big hand in the bag and was already smacking on one when I caught her. I said, "Those are mine! I gave you your candy". She said, "Well you can have one of mine" like I wouldn't have bought me those if I'd wanted them!!! She is exasperating! And I am almost positive that she has a candy radar!
I used to think that losing your mind must be the ultimate bliss. What was that other song that said, "It's nice to be insane, no one asks you to explain" or something like that? I mean, I seriously thought losing your mind was the best state to be in. No one holds you responsible or asks you to do anything. BUT! since November 2007, I have changed my feelings on that. It is getting crazier and crazier around here. For example:
Last night, she came into the den and asked Kerry to get a large garbage bag to put her diapers in. He told her to put them in the trash can. Well according to her, she doesn't have one (she does). He took her in there and showed it to her. She said, "Well the garbage man won't pick that up". He told her that we had to empty the garbage cans in the house into the one out back and the garbage man would pick that up. Now, this idiocy went on for several more minutes, I have just abridged the story and jumped to the main point. So, several hours later, she came into the den, and got right in front of me and said (as if a secret), "They tell me that the garbage man won't pick up diapers anymore". Needless to say, Kerry and Christopher started laughing so hard that I couldn't hardly look her in the face. God love her.
Today, I have told her 150 times WHO is graduating tonight (my precious baby girl), and YES you gave her some money! Now, I am serious when I say that she would ask, and within 5 minutes ask again! That wears me out as much as anything. Repeating everything!
But today's most precious little item is this: Today I went to Fred's to buy her some diapers (a. because they fit better and b. because she requested some MEN's diapers. The pack says for MEN and WOMEN). Anyway, I bought 2 eight pack Reese's Cups for Bek (since she is the graduate) and for Chrisopher and Moma to split. However, she was asleep when I got in. Rebekah opened hers and was eating one when Moma came into the kitchen. She immediately noticed them and said, "I want one of those". Rebekah said, "No, Momma bought you some". She was then just going to take it. So Rebekah jerked them out of her hand and said, "NO!" So Moma tapped her with her cane and said, "You are the most hateful thing". The whole time I am trying to show her that I bought her some. I had a bag of chocolate covered caramels (I can't spell the name of the candy) that I ADORE and she had her big hand in the bag and was already smacking on one when I caught her. I said, "Those are mine! I gave you your candy". She said, "Well you can have one of mine" like I wouldn't have bought me those if I'd wanted them!!! She is exasperating! And I am almost positive that she has a candy radar!
Monday, May 26, 2008
Almost Undone....
After spending all day Saturday, Sunday, and today (Memorial Day) with Moma, I am almost totally undone. I am exhausted from talking stupid, running interference between her and the entire family, protecting my dogs from chicken bones and chocolate, and keeping her out of my refrigerator every 20 minutes. She has gone through at least 15 diapers today, has used the bathroom in my floor twice, tried to rearrange my luggage in the top of her closet....sigh. I am so tired.
We have discussed buying men's shirts because "they say they are at a good price now", and we have hunted her "walking stick" several times, and she is convinced that she has been left alone most of the day. She is still looking for that man who comes and checks your bathroom for what you need, and puts out stuff for you to buy, but if you can't pay, you don't have to (I am assuming she means charge it). Could this be the Jewel Tea man or the Fuller Brush salesman? I am thinking it must be. She was like the Jewel Tea man's best customer. Well whoever it is, she is looking for him to come. Oh yes, and here "in the hospital" these ladies used to have things for sale, but this hasn't always been a hospital, it used to be a visitation room (funeral home, maybe?) Yes, I have done crazy all day, for 3 days. How will I survive the summer?
Note to self: Must get busy on finding new sitter!
We have discussed buying men's shirts because "they say they are at a good price now", and we have hunted her "walking stick" several times, and she is convinced that she has been left alone most of the day. She is still looking for that man who comes and checks your bathroom for what you need, and puts out stuff for you to buy, but if you can't pay, you don't have to (I am assuming she means charge it). Could this be the Jewel Tea man or the Fuller Brush salesman? I am thinking it must be. She was like the Jewel Tea man's best customer. Well whoever it is, she is looking for him to come. Oh yes, and here "in the hospital" these ladies used to have things for sale, but this hasn't always been a hospital, it used to be a visitation room (funeral home, maybe?) Yes, I have done crazy all day, for 3 days. How will I survive the summer?
Note to self: Must get busy on finding new sitter!
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Grandmother or Superhero?
Today, I was watching Moma from down the hall. She had just used the bathroom on the deck while feeding the dogs food that I told her NOT to feed them. She came in and said, "Well, I've got to get me on some drawers". I nearly freaked out! She was wet all over. I went to get towels for the floor, and saw her step into her closet. She backed into the closet and kind of ducked down. I figured she got her clothes and came out. I entered her bedroom from mopping up my floors from the deck to her room, and there she stood in her closet (still backed in) BUCK NAKED! It was like watching a superhero change in a phone booth. I mean she was totally in the buff. Without all the details, I got her out, cleaned her up, changed her clothes, and deposited her wet things in the bathroom.
Later today, I was reading in the den, and heard the front door open. I jumped up for fear she'd freed my dogs which she tries to do daily. She was dumping the poopoo pad (for the dogs) over the porch rail. She never saw me. I stood back and watched. She skated over to the piano and began to play, moving her hands like a master, literally banging and playing nothing, but looking good! Then she skated out to her room like that was normal behavior.
I was at the beach last weekend, and of course, I worked all week, so I have missed this decline in sensible behavior. There are fewer and fewer times that she is my precious little grandmother. She is either sad and lonely or nutty as a fruitcake. She says, "I don't have any friends any more". This afternoon, I was sitting in the den with her and she got up to go to the bathroom. She came back and said, "Where'd she go?" I said, "Who?" She said, "That woman that was sitting in here with us". Freaky.
I reminded Rebekah today that when I get to this point, put me in a nursing home. No regrets. I never want her to feel about me like I do Moma sometimes. If you think this labor of love is not taxing, try it if you are woman enough.
Later today, I was reading in the den, and heard the front door open. I jumped up for fear she'd freed my dogs which she tries to do daily. She was dumping the poopoo pad (for the dogs) over the porch rail. She never saw me. I stood back and watched. She skated over to the piano and began to play, moving her hands like a master, literally banging and playing nothing, but looking good! Then she skated out to her room like that was normal behavior.
I was at the beach last weekend, and of course, I worked all week, so I have missed this decline in sensible behavior. There are fewer and fewer times that she is my precious little grandmother. She is either sad and lonely or nutty as a fruitcake. She says, "I don't have any friends any more". This afternoon, I was sitting in the den with her and she got up to go to the bathroom. She came back and said, "Where'd she go?" I said, "Who?" She said, "That woman that was sitting in here with us". Freaky.
I reminded Rebekah today that when I get to this point, put me in a nursing home. No regrets. I never want her to feel about me like I do Moma sometimes. If you think this labor of love is not taxing, try it if you are woman enough.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Update
Just a fast update: too tired to be creative...........
She still grunts and growls instead of breathing normally.
She talks crazy, especially in her sleep. (As I type, she is hollering, "You move around and then you get up on your FEET!")
She has been fairly clean, but we are about to see Home Health end, so we'll be back to Nasty Square One.
She is on an eating binge; eating everything in sight. And if you have it....she wants it, no matter what it is.
Sherry has become Alene but reverts back to Dorothey too. She knows my name most of the time, but has asked me, "What is your name little girl?"
She rambles to the 95th power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That drives me crazy the most.
She wets all over my house; dribbles all the way down the hall.
She feeds my dogs everything in the house.
I'll do better next time, and I'll try to be more creative!
Later...............
She still grunts and growls instead of breathing normally.
She talks crazy, especially in her sleep. (As I type, she is hollering, "You move around and then you get up on your FEET!")
She has been fairly clean, but we are about to see Home Health end, so we'll be back to Nasty Square One.
She is on an eating binge; eating everything in sight. And if you have it....she wants it, no matter what it is.
Sherry has become Alene but reverts back to Dorothey too. She knows my name most of the time, but has asked me, "What is your name little girl?"
She rambles to the 95th power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That drives me crazy the most.
She wets all over my house; dribbles all the way down the hall.
She feeds my dogs everything in the house.
I'll do better next time, and I'll try to be more creative!
Later...............
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Flashback
Remember Troll Dolls? I had several. I had the tiny ones that I made beds for in matchboxes. I had one about 3 inches tall, and then I had a 5 inch tall one with bright pink hair and eyes. I loved my troll dolls. I made them clothes from old socks. I brushed their hair. I never thought of them as "good luck charms" or anything magical, I just liked them. I would always get one out of the gumball machines in the grocery store. I had a blue million of them.
On Mother's Day (of all days), my niece had an "ah ha" moment. You could see the light switch on and she said, quite proud of herself, "I know exactly what Moma looks like!! She looks like one of those troll dolls, with that wild hair." We all fell out laughing. Yes, she kind of reminds you of a troll. Her hair is wild, she growls, and her smile (when she smiles) is crooked. I can just hear her growling at the Three Billy Goats Gruff. When she isn't grumpy, she is cute and funny. And sometimes, she smells like I imagine they would. Just like my troll dolls from the 70s. So don't think us mean. We love our trolls, the real ones and the dolls.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Shorttakes...
No time for a long post! Mother's Day is tomorrow! Got the whole family on both sides coming up for burgers and dogs on the grill. I'll be missing my mother while everyone here will be with theirs. So.....
Thanks Mother for all the times you were there for me, even when I didn't appreciate it!
If I had it to do over again, I'd try to be more considerate of your feelings and tell you
that I love you every day! I'll never be the woman you were.
Here are some of the crazy things Moma has said and done lately:
Met us at the door after our walk. "Hey! Hey! If you win.....do you get a prize?"
In her sleep. "Why ain't you singing?" and "Hurry up and pray!"
At supper. "There was a woman (she says womern) who told me that she got a job up here working at night!"
(Note: I'm looking for this woman. I have a TO DO list for her!)
At lunch the other day, Joy had an egg roll. She asked what it was. Joy said, "It's tough, you can't eat it." Unfortunately for Joy, her phone rang and she had to go outside to answer it. Moma tore that egg roll up. Then SWORE she didn't touch it!
I bought her a candy bar that had nuts in it. I told her to be careful of the nuts. She sucked on the chocolate, and spit the nuts across the room like a ball player!
Happy Mother's Day! And a special congrats to my friend "Mister" who is a proud papa to Little John Michael Wigley!
Thanks Mother for all the times you were there for me, even when I didn't appreciate it!
If I had it to do over again, I'd try to be more considerate of your feelings and tell you
that I love you every day! I'll never be the woman you were.
Here are some of the crazy things Moma has said and done lately:
Met us at the door after our walk. "Hey! Hey! If you win.....do you get a prize?"
In her sleep. "Why ain't you singing?" and "Hurry up and pray!"
At supper. "There was a woman (she says womern) who told me that she got a job up here working at night!"
(Note: I'm looking for this woman. I have a TO DO list for her!)
At lunch the other day, Joy had an egg roll. She asked what it was. Joy said, "It's tough, you can't eat it." Unfortunately for Joy, her phone rang and she had to go outside to answer it. Moma tore that egg roll up. Then SWORE she didn't touch it!
I bought her a candy bar that had nuts in it. I told her to be careful of the nuts. She sucked on the chocolate, and spit the nuts across the room like a ball player!
Happy Mother's Day! And a special congrats to my friend "Mister" who is a proud papa to Little John Michael Wigley!
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