Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all.....and to all a good night!
Today was very uneventful in the daily ramblings of my grandmother. She behaved herself well for the most part, and the day was a happy one. Although it was a bit cloudy, so she kept telling me how awful she felt. She does that when the weather is dreary. I guess she feels dreary...and I totally understand because I do too. Weather really affects my mood and attitude.

Son came home today. Wish he'd stayed with us last night, but I am so tired of sweating the small stuff. It just isn't worth it in the great scheme of things. Can't control my life, much less his.

I love Christmas! I don't want to be one of those who says constantly, "I'll be glad when it is over", but I am glad it is over. ONLY because keeping her in a routine makes life peaceful and even keel. I must be just like her, because I really need structure and a routine. Change is something that I have had to learn to handle, and unfortunately, she is a princess, and never had to deal with change. She never allowed it. So any change to her routine is mind boggling for her.

Today, she asked Kerry if he had seen Milton (my grandfather who passed away in 1982). The only other time I can remember her even mentioning him since the dementia is about a week ago, in her sleep. She cried out, "Help me, Milton! Help me!" I didn't think much of it since, "Help me" is part of her battle cry every day many times a day, but she is usually referring to Jesus. They say when the elderly start seeing the dearly departed, the end is near. She has asked where my momma is several times, but I thought she had me and Bek mixed up. She mentions her sisters alot, and calls her Momma for help in her sleep some, but she has yet to mention my precious daddy and his brother, Billie. Now when she starts asking about them, I will bolt! When Mother was in the hospital, she said to me on my return from the snack bar, "Was your Daddy down there?" I FREAKED OUT!!!!!!!!! Just can't handle talk of my Daddy. Sherry will be taking care of Moma while Kerry puts me in Mountain View for mental help. I know that without the grace of God, I'd be in an institute for emotional and mental instability.
But praise God, He keeps my feet on the ground. I have nothing to worry about (Phil. 4:6).

Tuesday, December 18, 2007


My posts are getting fewer and farther between. Not for one minute does that mean that things are getting normal around here! HA! Far from it! It means that it is Christmas time, and there are things to be done that have a deadline. It also means that my fall semester is over at U of A, and I get on this laptop as little as possible because I live on it during a semester. By the way, I got 2 A's. Still a 4.0! Woo hoo!!!! Okay, on to business....
The grunting is getting more and more and louder and louder. For those of you who don't know. Moma grunts every time she breathes. She can't hear herself, so she isn't really aware that she is doing it, but it gets so OLD hearing it day in and day out. BIG MISTAKE, last night, I had a lapse in memory and thought she might enjoy going with me to the Christmas concert (my daughter's), plus I had NO ONE to sit with her. So, I give her no choice and dress her up, and here we go. I forgot to mention to her that we must be quiet and you might not be able to hear it all. So, first of all, the grunting was louder than usual. Then when the narrator got up to speak the very first words, she says...."They need to turn up his mic or no one will hear him". Okay, everyone in the house heard you. It went big time downhill from there. She spoke out several times, once to let us know that this was the sorriest music she'd ever heard, and when I shh'd her with my finger over my mouth.....SHE MOCKED ME!!!!!!!!! My sister threatened to take her out, but was afraid she'd make a scene. Then once, the grunting was so loud, I leaned over to her ear and said, "Moma, Shhhhhh, you are grunting!" She barked back loud, "I ain't opened my mouth!!" I wanted to fall under the pews. Okay, lesson learned. She goes nowhere that it is necesary to be quiet.
Tonight my sister came up and gave her a bath. I am thankful that she does this or she'd never be clean. I mean, there are just some levels I cannot go to, and that is one. I mop up pee every morning, I am now rinsing her (ewww) teeth, and I can wipe the poop off the toliet seat, but I just cannot bathe her. Old age is awful. It causes you to smell, not care that you are nasty, not care what you say, and be generally obnoxious to people around you. And the worst part is that my grandmother would DIE if she knew she was doing this. But, in my mind, I've already lost my grandmother. This empty shell that lives in my house is a trip and a half. I'm hanging on for dear life, and trying my best to enjoy this ride.
More from the funny farm later.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Food Fight!

The new irritating thing we are dealing with is Moma putting food from her plate onto our plates. Augh!!!!! Now, I am funny about...a few....okay a lot of things! But! do NOT touch the food on my plate. I need you to be sterile before you even touch me while I eat. We just don't eat off each other's plates, nor do we drink after each other. We had hamburger steaks the other night, and I only gave her 1/2 of one because she hollars, "Whoa! That's too much", no matter how much you give her. She ate 2 bites and began offering the rest to everyone at the table. Now, mind you, I've learned to put the dogs on the deck while we eat or she'll feed everything but the napkin to them. So, she begged Kerry to take it, then Christo, then Bek.....and then......and then.....AND THEN she picked it up with her hands and flung (yes FLUNG) it on my plate. Now, if you know me, you know that my food cannot touch! EVER! She flung it into my mashed potatoes, and over to my ketchup. AUGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She has flung french fries, potato chips (after I refused to let her put them back into the bag....they had been on the plate with a hot dog with NO bun), she will rake anything she doesn't want on whoever's plate is close by. I have jumped her over this, and her reply is, "You're just picky". Hmmm....I think that is what Kerry said on our first date.
Remember the dish towel of my great grandmother's that Moma found? Yes, you guessed it. I pulled it out of her purse last night. Little thief. lol Gotta laugh.....
Tonight while I was taking a bath, she watched her church service on local TV. When I got out, she said, "Did you hear my pastor?" I told her that I had heard some of it while I was in the bathroom. She replied, "I love my pastor. He is so good to me." NOTE: He hasn't been to see her, call her, or sent her a card. He has called me ONCE. God love her.
Well, I must sign off. She has just brought me her garbage can to go empty. It must be done NOW.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Like having twins

Imagine that you have twins, about 4 years old, and autistic. That would be almost as exasperating as my life. Now, I am not being flippant about autism. I know autism. And I can only imagine a mother of autistic twins feelings, because I am so exhausted sometimes that I want to cry. Then when I tell Kelli or other friends about the events of the night before, all we can do is laugh. I thank God for giving me a sense of humor. I live in a circus with autistic 4 year old twins. Momaw is busy, busy, busy! Last night I heard her in the bedroom banging something against the back of the door. The door was closed. I sprinted down the hall and opened the door. She had the curtain rod trying to get Rebekah's formals off the back of the door. I said, "What are you doing?" She said, "I want these down, they're not mine, and I can't close my door." AUGH!!!!! I said, "I don't have any where else to hang them, leave them alone and I'll move them somewhere else tomorrow." She said, "I want them moved NOW". I grit my teeth and do what she wants me to, even though I think it is totally stupid. Now that she has her way, she goes back to bed.
THEN at 4:00am, she is up rearranging everything in her room. She has moved things off my sewing machine, and shelves. I'll never find anything. I couldn't go back to sleep, so I just got up. She hoards stuff in her drawers. She found a dish towel that her mother had crocheted around that she had given me when I got married. She said, "This is Momma's! What are you doing with it?" Like she had caught me stealing it. That will be the next thing she stashes away in her top drawer. It's funny but it is so sad too. I can look into her eyes and see my grandmother, but the rest is a stranger.
Old age sucks.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

I live for weekends!

Awwwwww....Saturday! I needed this Saturday so bad. Most of my stress is gone. Dr. Westbrook's paper is submitted (1 to go), only have to get a posting and proposal done the weekend. That I know I can do. Wow, then I only have TWO more papers due!!!!!!!! (sigh)

On to Moma's latest...she is feeling much better. Her doctor's appointment found a UTI, so that explains some of the confusion and feeling bad. She is back to her (still going down) but old self. Today, she has talked so smart and hateful to me. We went to her house this morning and she started on the leaves...."I wish I could find somebody to clean up my yard.....yada yada yada....". I said:
"Moma, why do you think we are here? We are here to get your yard cleaned up!!!"
She looked at me and said:
"I aint working in this yard!!"
Like I was going to put my 94 year old grandmother in the yard with a rake. She stumbles walking across a flat surface.
Anyway, my kids came and we "got 'er done" in record time. And my kids had GREAT attitudes and did not complain one bit! Kudos to you guys! I love you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She is asleep now, and I am alone. Kids gone, husband gone.....So much I want to do, but no energy. Need to wrap presents! Need to study my Sunday School lesson! Need to get a bath! Need to eat supper! Need to read Dr. Atkinson's articles! I will....later.................right now, I am watching The Santa Claus.