Monday, May 31, 2010

Amazing recovery

Moma was fairly good yesterday. We went to my in-laws' house for lunch. She ate so much, I thought she'd pop! We finally got home, and everyone settled in their places to rest. I thought I'd lie down and catch a power nap while everyone else snoozed. HA! Moma has radar when I am in various situations, especially when I lie down. If she rapped my ankles with that cane one more time, I might have done her some bodily harm. She wanted me UP. Her excuses were: it's after 6:00 (it was 4:00), you won't sleep tonight if you don't get up, and what are we going to do about supper? GRRRRR......the urge to kill was so strong, I got up to get away from her. Then, she started following me around saying "Don't be mad at me.....I'm sorry......Forgive me.....I'll leave you alone" (I guess so, now that I am up!)
After supper, she dismissed herself to the bed, and stayed awhile. About the time I was getting ready to lie down, I heard her up. She was coughing and hocking something up. I got into bed and realized that a. she was in my bathroom and b. she was vomiting. Oh GREAT! were my thoughts. I spent the next 2 hours sitting in her room with her while she moaned and groaned, hacked and gagged, prayed (Help me Lord), and generally put on a Tony award winning performance. "Pray for me!" she would yell at me. "Are you praying for me?" (Yes, I am praying for God to take you home). And by the way, she was not throwing anything up, just spitting up sinus drainage. A stranger would have thought that she would be dead by morning. When she settled down, I went to my bed.
She was up and stomping through my house this morning at 7:30. No rest for the weary here, unless it's her. She was as fine as wine, and waiting on her breakfast. I got her breakfast going before I even had a chance to go to the bathroom. When I did, I found the HOT water blasting out of the faucet. She randomly leaves water running all over the house. Once she ate, she wanted to perform again with that "I feel worse than an old devil" act. So her Royal Highness of Crazy has gone back to bed. Isn't she precious?

Monday, May 24, 2010

Precious times

The other night, Rebekah and I wanted to go to the hospital to see her friend's new baby. But apparently God had other plans. Our sitter situation did not work out, so we decided to record Moma while I questioned her about growing up. I have grown up hearing her stories, and they are so precious to me.
My little girl had the insight to say that she believes Moma won't be with us much longer and that she should have the right to do pretty much anything she wants. She wants us ALL to be kinder to her in these latter days. Thank you Rebekah for leading your mother's harsh thoughts in a better way. I love you. Your tender heart blesses mine.
I have tried several times to post the video, but I am thinking maybe it is too long. Will have to edit it. She says several things in the video that are a HOOT!
And praise be to God, she hasn't been trying to feed the dogs in the last day or two! I pray that keeps up!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Can't Sleep

This may or may not be the beginning of bad things to come, but it is 11:40 and I cannot sleep. Normally, I can hit the bed and literally DIE and never wake up. HA! No more. I have been taking "meds" to help me sleep, but I hate depending on anything, so tonight I went cold turkey, and here I am on the computer while everyone else here is asleep.
Moma is asleep, but she is talking in her sleep. It is really good stuff, but I'm too lazy to record it. So, I'm going to transcribe to pass the time. Here goes:
"Y'all leave that alone and go on! It's my house, my house, my house....GET OUT! Come'ere! Look at me! You get out from here. Get the hell out of here. You know....(so much she is saying cannot be understood because she is YELLING)What you spying? I'm fine I'm fine. Here. Whooppee! Hurry Back! Love you. (Oh my gosh, she is getting up! No NO!! Whew! Close call, she closed the door back. I cannot figure out what she is doing but it sounds like she is filing her nails or something like that. Lots of grunting. She's yawning and now clapping her hands.) Good! (something really slurred) You know I love you Lord. I don't know what to say.......(can't understand) What am I supposed to do? Start over here, is that alright? (garbled) I'd just tell 'em. That's exactly what I'd do. I ain't done nothing. (lots of stuff I cannot understand) You get your ass out from there and leave me alone. I don't owe you a thing in the world. Get out from here and let me alone. Tell 'em! Tell 'em! I'm tard of standing around up here! I'm hungry and I've got to have something to eat. Would you go get me something to eat man? I ain't got a dime, but I wish I did have. Nothing but cold mess. Tell 'em. Ain't nothing wrong with her. Well, thanky thanky sir. What are y'all doing?"
I'm signing off. I think I hear chocolate ice cream calling me.

IT IS SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know I am not exaggerating! Today has been the worst day ever for:
"What's today?"

Friday, May 21, 2010

Soaking Wet

Yesterday I weighed Moma on our scales. She weighed 90 pounds! She said, "How much?" I said, "90 pounds". She said, "I'm 90 pounds soaking wet!" God love her. I am still not sure why her doctor (who is a good guy) won't put her on Hospice. That is failure to thrive. She out eats me, and gains NOTHING. (I should be so lucky)
She is sleeping a good bit. I'm not sure if that means anything. She seems physically more feeble, but who knows. She is hard to predict.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

She's just been unwrapped...

Today she said:
"I didn't know you were married!" and "I was so surprised to see you had a boy that old" and "Who was your husband?"

Monday, May 17, 2010

Just this...

Just one thing.....The Precious Princess got up at 6 am today stomping through my house after I lay awake most of the night. I had just dozed off............UGH!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, May 15, 2010


I need an attitude adjustment. My whole outlook sucks. Right this minute I am updating the blog from my school laptop because my daughter and her friends are crowded around mine. The princess is in one of her "Woe is me" moments, my son left clothes in the washer he asked me to put in the dryer, and I am just simply pissed off. None of that is really a cause, I'm using it. I am wondering if the lack of hormones is it. I had my ovaries removed along with all the other "goods". Not sure how long it takes before you notice a difference, but WOW! if this is the way it's going to be, give me the patch. I don't even like myself. I can't change the sheets on my bed, bring laundry upstairs, drive, or do much of anything. I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God forbid I ever get to a place where I have to depend on someone for the basics of life.
The only real thing I have to post concerning my grandmother is that i do not like her. It is ALL me, and she really hasn't done anything out of the ordinary. She is her usual self centered little princess. It is me. I resent her speaking to me. I roll my eyes when she calls my name. I speak obscenities when her door opens. IT IS ME, and I don't like this. My doctor's appointment is Monday. Maybe he can shed some light on this.

Friday, May 14, 2010


"I don't like that blouse" Moma stated with no remorse. I nearly died! She then continued telling Kelli Floyd that "it just wasn't her" and that she "usually wore things that made her stand out and that did not". RUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I finally asked her to hush. She argued, "She'd rather I tell her the truth than to lie and act like I like it". I said, "No, she'd rather you just kept it to yourself if you didn't like it". This asinine argument went on for at least 20 minutes. She just kept repeating the same stupid concepts. Kelli laughed, but I know she was a tiny bit embarrassed. I could have died.
It must be nice to be a OLD person who just says whatever crosses your mind and then gets defensive if anyone tells you to hush. I swear......

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Explain to me

Is there anyone who can explain to me the need to hoard things? Is it just an old people thing? Is it from living through the depression? What? My grandmother hoards things that make me want to pop her in the back of the head over!
She will not let you toss out grocery bags! You can have a blue million of them in the pantry, but don't throw any away for God's sake. They may not make any more.
She steals toilet paper out of my bathroom closet when she catches it unlocked. She will pile it up in her closet and forget she swiped a roll, so she'll swipe another. Every time she walks by my tissue box in my bedroom, she yanks out at least 3 or 4 and rams it down in her pocket. She has a box in her room. Now if that box gets within 20 of being empty, she nearly loses her mind until I go to the store and buy more. Once I showed her that she had enough to last a few days, so she went behind me and emptied the box and brought me the empty box. She thinks I am that stupid.
She saves bottles, wrapping paper, aluminum foil, rubber bands....and will flat out steal our pony tail holders (for what I could not tell you).
Her drawers are full of all sorts of crap! Hairpins and those little things from a girdle to hold up stockings are among the many items. She has hairnets that I am almost sure she bought in the 60s. She has 3 or 4 sleep caps that are too big or have lost their elasticity, but God forbid you toss those out. She saves insurance papers, cards, stamps (never really collected them, just kept them), old key chains and on and on......
She exasperates me! I hope my children see what is on the horizon! lol

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Bath day

As I type, I am listening to our sitter argue with my grandmother about taking a bath. Connie told her that she would go change the sheets on her bed while Moma's lunch digested. Moma growled at her and said, "No, you wait and let me get my things out from under my pillow!" Seriously, I am afraid to imagine what she has stashed away under that pillow.
You would think I would would enjoy hearing her growl and snarl at someone else, but it really makes me so angry. You know your children always behave better for other people than they do you, but this one treats everyone like one of her servants. She is bossing her about letting the dogs back in from outside right now. She says it so hateful too. It makes me want to pop her in the back of that little nappy head!
Tomorrow is beauty shop day. Praise God! Her nasty head will get scrubbed and she will get to go out and about. Connie will take her out to eat. What does that really mean? PEACE in this house for ME!!!!! Glorious peace.
I hate to leave such a negative post, but I promised from the beginning that this would be an honest look at being a caregiver for an elderly person. Sometimes, the truth hurts. But! As Miss Scarlett reminds me "Tomorrow is another day!"

Monday, May 10, 2010


I am not a good patient. I would never pass the test to be a part of this royal family. I do not want anyone waiting on me. I cannot stand having to depend on anyone for anything. Not being able to drive makes me nutty! Now, I'm not going to do anything that will stop the healing process or make things worse, but I just had to declare that this is ONE area that I am not like my grandmother. Something about that is comforting.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I warned you...

I warned you about multiple posts today.
Moma is so determined to make this her pity party. Sherry came by and brought her a card, and of course, I am saving mine for the cook-out with the inlaws so she won't feel left out then.
If she tells me one more time "I would've never known it was Mother's Day if someone hadn't told me" I'm gonna say.....

Happy Mother's Day or is that MILDRED day?

Today may be a day of multiple posts. So far at 10:47, it has been a doozy. My sweet unnamed husband got up and fixed us biscuits. When Precious came to eat, she said, "Ain't you got no eggs?" Then after her many complaints of the coffee being only barely warm to too hot to just cold to LEAVE IT ALONE, she began to read the paper. "Julie....is this Mother's Day?" I nodded her direction and mumbled "uh-huh". Delighted, she perked up! "Oh I didn't know this was MY day!" (Yes, Moma because it is and always has been all about YOU).
Then she started. "I used to always look forward to Mother's Day! Horace (my dad) and Billie NEVER forgot Mother's Day!! (more rambling, then...) I don't reckon you and Sherry even RECOGNIZE Mother's Day" She had the meanest snarl on her face aimed right at me. Needless to say, the urge to kill was strongest at that exact moment. I took a deep breath, and remembered my sweet mother's ability to deal with the royalness of Moma and reminded her that I had just had surgery and wasn't able to go out and do much shopping but that we were going to have a little celebration at supper tonight. I assured her she had not been forgotten by me or Sherry! I can remember how she tormented my precious mother to the point she could not even enjoy her own Mother's Day.
Happy Mother's Day Ruby Lumpkin, the BEST mother a girl could have. You understood why boots had to be a certain color, and why only Skinny Dip would do. You slipped money to me when Daddy wasn't looking. You taught me so many things and I was an ungrateful little snot. Thank you for everything you did and didn't do. I hope your day in Heaven is as beautiful as the one here. I love you.

Saturday, May 8, 2010


Most people look forward to Saturdays....ahh....sleep late, be lazy, not do much of anything....HA! I loathe Saturdays! The person I can no longer mention plays golf all day, and my offspring do all of the above, but the princess???? Oh she gets up with the chickens! Raring to go! I awoke this morning to the sound of her door closing and that infamous clicking sound of her cane. She was ready to eat! (what else?)
I sprang (as much as a post op gal can) into action. I made the coffee, filled up her water glass, and started the water for her oatmeal. Inside my head I kept thinking "Was this what Dr. Newman and Dr Godfree meant by taking it easy?" She was rattling off all sorts of things she wanted from me, and I was really not listening. "JULIE" (I am now). In a sweet little voice, unlike the call of the wild I just heard, "Are you feeling better?" she asked. I nod, thinking to myself if she can remember I had surgery, why can't she remember what day it is. Without going into great detail, she wore me out at the breakfast table. She bossed and ordered like I wore an apron and expected a tip. I'm ready to go back to work!
Work...work....THAT'S IT! I could save the nation with this plan. Get the deadbeats getting disability (not the well deserved) back into the work force! They should somehow have to spend a mere week with this little princess. They would not be allowed to hurt her, but had to take care of her for one week 24/7. I mean, after only 2 days out of the hospital, I am ready to get back to my school and my students. My work ethic is healthy!

Friday, May 7, 2010

I'm Baaaaaak!

Just like I promised, here I am! Back to my blog, back to the only place I can say what frustrates me the most and no one judges me. (However, I was instructed by Mr. Payne to leave his name out of the blog from now on). The surgery went well. They were behind schedule but managed to get me worked in. lol I have no real memory of Monday except for the hours prior to surgery. Tuesday is a foggy blur. Wednesday's events are a little more clear, but fairly uneventful. In fact, my life was almost boring until I returned to this little brick rancher I call home. From the minute I arrived, Moma has been awful. It has to be about her and it wasn't, so she acted out to make sure it was about her.
As I lay in my bed today attempting to "rest", I was serenaded by Moma on the porch swing bellowing the A-men chorus. "A-men, AA-men, AAMENAMENAMEN!" All the while, my son was giving our fat chihuahua mix a bath because he was covered in red mud. The cats and I laid peacefully as possible on the bed, listening to the soloist outside. The bathroom door opened, and out ran the dogs (Shula had to watch). They raced down the way to my room but Tubby (the fat wet dog) took a detour, up on the love seat and sprung over onto the bed, where the cats jumped sky high, all 40 claws at knife like point, ran over my back and down my arm leaving 4 large nasty scratches. Moma never missed a note. And on my shoulder was a tiny barker announcing, "In this ring......" as circus music played in my head.
Some folks look forward to retirement. I just long for "normal".

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Not doing what I think is right!

Okay...I am going against everything I believe in but I am not telling Moma about my surgery tomorrow. I do believe it is not the right thing to do, but oh, it will make my life so much easier! (until she finds out). I'm not telling my aunt either.....Shhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She has been really good today, which is a nice change from the past few weeks. So, other than that...there is not much to report.
I am signing off for a few days. If you are a praying person, lift me up. I'll be fine, I know. The Lord and I have had this discussion several times. He is in control! Pray for my family left to care for the little princess.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Flying Vanilla Wafers

If you are a faithful reader, you know that Moma has needed Time Out for the last several days. Today, she has been short and snappy with her answers and bossy to the 25th power. I was getting ready to go to the grocery store and she was snapping off what all she needed. I finally lost it and just walked out the door.
When I got home, she got up from her bed to come ramble through the grocery bags and ask a million questions. She kept telling the dogs that I didn't bring them anything. Then I caught her out of the corner of my eye. She was offering a vanilla wafer to Tubby. I got right in front of her and said, "You can put that in your mouth or in the trash, but you can NOT feed it to my dog!" She tried denying it at first, but knew she was caught. So she said, "I'll feed them anytime I get ready!" I said, "Okay, that is fine Missy! That bag of coconut candy your ordered me to buy will go right back to the store, and you won't get any!" She FLUNG the vanilla wafer at me and said, "There! Ram it up your ass!"
Again, how precious.