Saved!

Okay, a comment was posted by my most loyal reader! Thanks JC! I know you have walked in my shoes, and you are great comfort and support to me and all the madness in my life. I know you enjoyed having that big boy here visiting!
Last night, while Grey's Anatomy was on, Moma came into the den. Now, she is like a child in that, when I am watching one of my favorite shows that I never miss unless there is a death, here she comes with nonsense. Sort of the same way she talks to me and asks me questions while I am on the phone. She came to the door of the den and motioned for me to come there. I said, "What?" She said, "Com-mere" I got up and walked toward her, "What???" She said, " I wanted to ask you.......uh....uh....." I move back toward the couch where I was sitting. So she leans over Kerry in the recliner and said, "Are y'all afraid to pray for me?" He said, "WHAT??" She repeated. "Are y'all afraid to pray for me?" He said, "No..why?" Well, she continued with some more nonsense that I ignored because Grey's was back on. Then I heard her say, "Well anyway, get your wife over here and y'all pray for me, and I'll get out of your hair". Kerry was dumbfounded. I was in total denial, continuing to watch Grey's. She finally said, "Well, y'all are more interested in watching that TV than praying...mumble mumble...." as she left the den. Now, know this! If she were dying, sick, or anything serious, I'd pray over her. I pray for her every day. I knew this was part of her nonsense. Just like she told me the other night to "make out everything we own to the Church of God". Okaaaayyyy.......so what would we buy her meds and diapers with? And how would we pay her sitter? and? and? She lives on another plane.

HELLO????????????

Is anyone reading?? Does anyone still follow my blog?? I need a comment here and there people! I'm not high maintenance, just like a little reassurance that someone is reading! No more posts until someone comments! lol
This is a test, this is only a test.....

Poor Dog

This evening, Moma was talking to the dog, and she leaned over to pet him and spilled a whole glass of tea all across the table, in her house coat and onto the floor. She snarled her mouth, looked at poor Shula and said, "Look what you caused!". Blame it on the dog!

Just once...

Just once, can I run my bath water and take a bath without Moma trying her best to get in the bathroom with me? It NEVER fails, every time I begin running my bath water, she comes in and says, "Are you about to take a bath? Well, can I pee first?" UGHHHHHH! I turn off the water, and storm out. and she always says, "Hon, you don't have to leave..." Oh yeah, like I want to sit in the bath tub while she strains and grunts and makes faces. She'll roll off a mile of toilet paper, and wipe and wipe and wipe some more. She always looks at it, makes a face, and wipes some more. UGHHHHHHHHH!!! When she finally comes out, I go in and open the drawer across the door because our door won't catch. I never get past the hair washing stage before she is banging the door on the drawer wanting in. She either wants to wash off her teeth, wash her hands, or use the bathroom again. But tonight....she kept trying to get in to wash off her teeth, and I kept saying "NO, you can when I get out!" So, when I opened the door to come out, I heard her say, "Well...you're too late! I already took care of it! You're tooooo late!" Yes, precious princess the world revolves all around you!!!

Change=Confusion and Madness

My sister has thrown a wrench in the works. She asked the sitter to swap days with her. She plans to come sit tomorrow and the sitter will come on Wednesday like my sister usually does. I am not sure whose idea it was to tell my grandmother this, but NOT A GOOD IDEA!!! Moma has walked the floors tonight worrying about who was coming, and what they were going to do. Finally, she concluded that Grace (her dead sister) would be coming, "not to take me out anywhere". "She is just coming to talk to me." She is convinced that someone is coming with Grace. I finally sent her to bed and told her that life was too short to do all that worrying. She talked out crazy nonsense in her sleep. I cuddled up with the baby monitor for my personal entertainment. I am a sick individual.

HoW mUcH iS a PeRmAnEnT????

If I have to answer that question once more today......augh!! We have discussed permanents and their cost, who is in charge of her money, and other random nonsense today. She is like the head injury patient on Grey's Anatomy 2 weeks ago. She resets about every 15-20 minutes. She has no clue that we have had that conversation before. She is seriously innocent in that, but that is one of the things that makes me want to smother her. lol That and the dang grunting!!!!!!!!!!! She will stand over me and grunt, and moan, and growl and huff and puff. Enough whining....
Today, after her bath, she wanted to go out on the swing. I tried to get her not to because I had washed her hair. But she said she wouldn't stay long. I went to check on her, and she was walking around with her diaper in her hand. She claimed it "fell off". Yeah, okay....whatever.

Xanax is my friend

Today was more than I can handle. She got Tylenol PM at 6:00pm and will get more at 10. I took Xanax.
No discussion. I am worn out. I am completely spent.

Every Day a New Adventure

Every day in the life of my grandmother is a new adventure. Today, she is bossy and argumentative. She wants so desperately to be in charge. She moves things, rearranges things, takes things, etc. I want to wring her little wrinkled neck! Yesterday, she was obsessed with the empty hangers on the door knobs. I put them there, so that when I go to the laundry room (in the basement) I will see them as I pass, and will take them with me. They drive her insane. I caught her going out the front door with a load of hangers in her hand "taking them to the street". SHE IS MAKING ME A LUNATIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, imagine having someone move into your home and insist on having her way about everything. If you don't handle it as soon as she wants, she will handle it herself in whatever completely asinine way she sees fit. UGH!!! Today, she was completely obsessed with eating supper. She wanted it at 3:50. I wanted to wait until Kerry got home. I held her off until 4:30. I started getting it ready, and she was up under me, like a kitten with a lion's roar. She bossed and directed. She asked questions. She accused Kerry of not being at work. She believed he was playing golf. AUGH!!! Then she wanted to feed the dogs. "Why?" she kept asking when I'd tell her no. I finally got up and put my precious dog in his crate to shut her up. As time moves on, it is less and less funny.....more and more exasperating....I am tired.

FREEEEEEZING

"Ain't y'all got no heat???" Moma asks about every 20 minutes. She has 4 blankets on her bed and one of them is electric!!! She won't stay in her bed long enough to get warm. She is too worried about what I am doing or who is in the hall closet or.....? lol Let the temperature drop a bit and she is freeeeezing. Whatever. I know she is old, and I know she is cold natured, but.....we are not turning on the heat to only have to turn the air back on. We go through this short period of the house being too cold or too hot at the beginning of winter and summer. Get past it.
Today she cannot get filled up. She has eaten something every few minutes. She has had a bite of everything in the house. Kerry had a meeting tonight, so I fixed us a sandwich since it was only the two of us. So when Kerry came home, she said, "She ain't got nothing good to eat". Like she was telling on me! I told her that her worms had had enough to eat! But of course, as I type, she is scraping the bottom of her ice cream bowl.
Happy Fall Y'all!

Farewell to summer....

I know summer was officially over in September, but I feel like here in Alabama, our summers overlap into October. The temperature usually does. It is so sad when I see all the summer things go on clearance. I went to Lowe's this weekend, and all the summer things were being moved and the Christmas trees put in their place. Summer is my favorite season (although I love all the seasons!), but summer holds a special place in my heart.
As a little girl, summers were spent in the sunshine of my backyard while my grandmother hung out clothes, playing with my dog "Puddin'", swinging on my swing set. My Dad would take us swimming on his days off. We also used to play in the back alley digging holes. The man behind us who used the back alley complained to my grandmother. She defended us to him and then told me to get back there and fill it back up! She used to say, "You march yourself in this house". lol As I grew older, and didn't need someone to "keep" me while Mother worked, I spent summers sleeping late, watching TV, and EATING! While Mother was out of the house, I ate everything! lol Later I spent many summers in college, then working, then having babies. I never liked the sun as a younger person because of my fair skin, but after my babies were born, I became this sun goddess. I love to lie in the sun with a book and a Diet Dr. Pepper. I baked my skin to the point that I am no longer prone to burn. But this past summer was the end of a journey I made with 10 other people. I began my Ed.S. with 10 total strangers (most of them from Georgia) and ended it graduating with 10 friends. Several of them became very special to me! I love you guys!! You know who you are. There will be other summers, and more memories.
Ahhhh reminiscing. Okay, enough.
Today, Moma has not slept more than 15 minutes at a time. She has not been as nasty as before, but she has been busy. I bathed her today, and made her wash her hair. She hated that! And tonight...she called me Peggy. Precious.
Oh! One funny...today while I thought she was asleep, I went out to pull up my geraniums for winter and had to go in for some water. There she stood holding herself and grunting. She looked up and saw me coming in. She said, "I need some help down there in my room!" I said, "Help doing what?" She said, "Well, after that bath deal, my room is torn up!" I walked down the hall...the "torn up room" consisted of her bath chair not being back in her room, no bag in her garbage can (because I emptied it), and her potty chair moved back so I could empty her garbage. Torn up....wonder what she thinks about my house?

Here she comes....boogidy boogidy

Remember that Ray Stevens song The Streak? When we see or hear Moma coming, we all now chime in with "Here she comes, boogidy boogidy" like he does in the song. My son sings his own rendition of it, but it is not suitable for online publishing! lol
Last night she was a little subdued, more cooperative, almost sweet. Although the sitter reported her being crabby. So today when I got home, and the sitter reported "crabby" yet again, I was hoping she'd be subdued again. Well...no.
She nearly loses her mind over when we are going to eat. Kerry was late getting home, so Christopher and I ordered pizza (which she hates!) and I sent him to get it. Meanwhile, I fixed her some chicken noodle soup, thinking that was a good choice since the weather is cool tonight. She ate, and went promptly to her room to watch "Wheel", the preference of all old people I know. (I don't get it). Anyway, Kerry came in before the pizza arrived. He predicted that she would swear that she had not eaten. No sooner than Christopher came in with the pizza, she strolled into the kitchen and declared, "Well I see you started without me". We all fell out laughing. No amount of argument was going to convince her that she had JUST eaten and that she did not like pizza. Nothing would do but that I give her a piece, which she took 2 bites off and tried to give to everyone in the room. Then she was going to feed it to the dogs. We always put the dogs on the deck while she eats, so jokingly, I told her if she fed that pizza to my dogs, I'd put her on the deck. We all laughed. I could tell she had no clue what was so funny. lol
She finally settled down and went to her room. About 20 minutes ago, I caught her in my bathroom (where she gets in most of her trouble) prowling through the closet in there where I have stashed all my things to keep her out of them. There is one of those hook and eye locks way up high on the door, but she used her cane to pop that open. All my Bath and Body Works lotions was strewn all over the closet. My shampoo and conditioner which I also had to take away from the tub area was strewn. She had put the dog shampoo in the container with our toothbrushes and my contacts. (I recycled laundry detergent buckets to store all my things in to keep her from messing with them in their NORMAL places). She had moved towels, squeezed out conditioner from a tube, dumped out Q-tips. It was as if a 4 year old had been in the closet playing. SHE WAS....augh! Needless to say, I lost it with her. She knew I was mad, and I don't care. I am so sick of her messing in my stuff. That is my one pet peeve. RAMBLING!!! and MESSING!!! I threatened her with locking her in her bedroom at night. She said I'd be sorry if I did. She'd probably throw things out the window.
I know this is a long post but I must share the events of the wee hours of this morning. I heard the water running in my bathroom. It ran and ran. I got up, thinking it was at least 5:00. There the precious princess stood in my bathroom with soap up to her elbows, the water running, and she was picking up everything in my bathroom, just piddling. My things (obviously) are now in the closet so most of the things coated in a film of soap are hers, but still. She had taken the Lysol wipes (for the toilet, when she soils it, which is many times a day) and was wiping her arms with them. I was ready to stomp her. I grabbed the towel, wiped off the counter, stuck her hands under the water, then turned it off. Threw (yes, I threw it) a towel at her and said, "Dry your hands! and get your tail in the bed!!!" Then I proceeded to let the dogs out because I thought it was 5ish. Nope it was 2:00. I had to put the dogs back up, and get back in the bed. I couldn't hardly sleep for fuming at her.
If you are a praying person, please pray for me. I asked God last November to bless me with what I needed to do this. And He did. Well, I need a new blessing! A blessing to endure my precious princess blessing.

End of my rope...

This is one of those days that I do not feel like posting. I am not amused with Moma. I have no more patience with her, and I am visualizing myself doing bad things like pushing her down the stairs (of course I never would). Did you see Monster-in-law (the movie)? I feel just like Jane Fonda with all those mean thoughts. I started NOT to publish tonight, but this is actually the reason I started this blog. People need to know that these feelings come, and they are REAL, and they are NORMAL! It is not always fun and laughs with an elderly demented patient. There are days like this one that I resent her being in my home. I don't like her at all today. It is hard for me to carry on a conversation with her because she is an invasion in my life right now. She is an inconvenience, a nuisance, and a royal pain in my butt. Just today, she has broken one of my bi-fold doors, fed my dogs the fat from the ham I cooked while my back was turned, rambled through my Avon after it arrived, and bossed me while I cooked supper. I did not peel the potatoes right, trim the ham like she would, or cook the beans long enough. Then she complained because she did not have enough ham on her plate. The meat needed cutting and the knife I gave her did not suit her (it was fine, I cut her meat with it). She rattled her ice in her glass at me to get up and get her more tea. I could go on and on..............So, in the event that you find yourself living with an elderly relative or just sitting with one. Don't fret. These feelings are perfectly normal, and VERY common. I am just having a "moment". Like Miss Scarlet says, "Tomorrow is another day".

Sit Fido Sit!

Okay, just when you thought you'd heard it all.....just when you thought Moma could not amuse you anymore (I know I have been at that point lately). I came in from work yesterday to 3 dogs (yes, I am dog sitting my friend's dog for some excitement in my life....lol) and Moma. The sitter said, "Chance (my friend's dog) has not been a good boy today. He has made messes!" My grandmother wanted to butt in....shhhh! I shushed her. "Then", the sitter continued, "your grandmother came through the house eating something. I said, what do you have in your mouth? Then she told me she was eating the candy I had been hiding in my bag. Only it wasn't candy, it was dog treats! I told her that they were dog treats and she let me know that they weren't bad!" Great, Moma has acquired a new taste. She is already eating me out of house and home. Now, she will be taking food out of the dogs' mouths. Precious.
Oh and just so you know that I haven't completely lost my mind. I am dog sitting so that in return Kelli will Moma sit for me to go to Gatlinburg. I cannot wait!

A time to laugh....and a time to cry

It is hard for me to even think of the last few days as funny. My precious grandmother has gone down so much in the last month. Actually, I am mourning the loss of my grandmother. This empty shell that lives in my house is so sad. She apologizes for everything. She asks about family members who have passed on. She is confused about where she lives and who takes care of her money and business. The total look of helplessness in her deep blue eyes is almost more than I can bear. She sleeps more. She is so lost and confused about everything.

Last night I saw her in her bedroom holding up a night gown. I went to her and said, "Is your gown wet?" She said, "NO! My gown ain't wet!" I thought, uh-oh. Then, like a child, her eyes lit up and she said, "Let's get your husband and my husband to go talk to that woman and get her to make us some of these gowns!" She just smiled so big! All I could say was "okay", and turn and leave the room. Anther time, yesterday, she opened the bathroom door on me and said, "Have you come for her things?" I just smiled. And then while I was cleaning up the supper dishes, she kept looking in the den. She finally said, "Ain't you gone wait for those ladies in there to eat?". And I wonder who she is seeing in my house.

Yes, the Bible tells us there is a time to laugh and a time to cry. I'm not laughing..........

Rated PG-13

Okay, if you have sensitive ears, you might want to walk away and not read tonight's post. (hmmm, hmmm, hummm, ta dee dah....waiting on the faint of heart to exit the blog).
Short post, but funny.
Tonight, Moma was in the den alone with the TV at warp level and I was at my computer in the study. I heard her coming (click click click click). She stepped in the door of the study, looked at me and said, "Where in the shit is Thelma?? Where in the shit did she go??" Thelma is her dead sister.
I think I've said enough. Until next time.....same bat time, same bat channel.

Remember Mr. Meany?

Wasn't there a cartoon character named Mr. Meany? Like on Peabody are something?? Anyway, in case you ever wondered about Mrs. Meany......she lives with me. She is my grandmother. The last few days, she has been MEAN and nasty. I asked her last night if she was looking for a fight.
For example, I fixed her some soup for supper because Kerry and I were going to First Friday (I recommend if you have never been). She ate a bowl full and I asked if she wanted more. She said, "NO" and waved her hand as if the soup were not good. She then pushed the bowl halfway across the table. So, I took the pan of leftover soup, went out back and dumped it out for my cats. When I came in, she said, "What'd you do with that soup?"I said,"Fed it to the cats", thinking she'd be glad I didn't throw it away since she hates for us to "waste" stuff. She snarled at me and said, "Well......what am I supposed to eat??" I said, "You just ate!" She said, "I didn't do it!" UGH!!!!!!!!! I said, "Yes you did and I asked you if you wanted any more and you said no". She said, "No, I said, not right now". Again...ugh!!!!!!!!!! So I proceed to convince her that Rebekah is going to be with her while we are gone, and that she will fix her anything she wants when she gets hungry again. She got up from the table and went to bed! In less than 20 minutes, she was following me down the hall. "Julie....Julie......JULIE!" She was bellowing my name. I turned and said, "WHAT?" a little impatiently. She said, "Have you got any soup?" I wanted to wring her little wrinkled neck.
Tonight we got into our usual food fight over her wanting to hoard food. She was going to feed it Junior's cat Monday. Okay, Junior has been dead for 20 years, and to my knowledge he never had a cat. And by Monday, the cheese curls she was saving will be stale. So, I tossed it and told her Junior called and the cat died. After all, I was dipped out of her gene pool.

Last Quickie

I would just like to say Happy Birthday to a very special person! You know who you are!!!!!

Wobbly and Mean

I am not sure if this is the Lord's way of saying, "It's okay now to consider a nursing home" or if he is testing me or WHAT?? But I am at the end of my rope. Kerry came home today, and it is funny that she felt the need to argue with him over feeding the dogs. She told him to "Shet-up" 25 times. He had to wrestle the plate with her sandwich scraps out of her hand; the whole time she was talking hateful and ugly to him. Then I had to intervene. She was so belligerent that she was shaking. She then proceeded to fill my kitchen floor with urine (thank God it is ceramic tile) because she only had on a girdle, no diaper. Then she wanted to get mad at me!! I am the one who cleaned her up and changed her clothes. She fell against the wall in the bathroom twice. I am the one who got her some Tylenol to help settle her down (she thinks it helps, so the power of suggestion was at work here). The whole time I was cleaning her up, she was saying things like "I can't help it if I can't afford them diapers", and "Y'all are the silliest bunch of people I've ever seen". She has a brand new pack of diapers in her room! No excuses!!!!!!!!! Later, I was sorting through my Avon (yes, I sell it in case you didn't know) to deliver tomorrow, and I heard the clicking of that cane. CRAP!! I knew she'd be rambling through it all.....and she did. Like a kid on Christmas morning, she picked up and smelled everything she could and asked 900 million questions. I was about to scream. She wanted some tea, so I stopped and got her some. Then she stood up under my arm practically and finally said, "Let me by". I had to back into the dining room to let the Queen pass. That would have been okay but within 20 minutes, she was back and did the same dang thing. I said, "Good grief Moma, you could have gone around the table!" She said, in her sarcastic tone, "I like to hear you holler!" UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!