Been Lazy

Sorry, I've just been lazy lately. I've had so many doctors and dentists appointments and I am so SICK of going to both. So, when I get home, I only want to sit and do nothing, basically. Also, I am reading Janet Evanovich's new book Sizzling Sixteen (since there is no underline here, I'll italicize). I love her books about Stephanie Plum and I cannot put them down! I only started Saturday afternoon and I am almost finished. That is FAST for me. I read slow.
Moma has been more subdued lately, napping more, and more passive than usual. She is still getting up at the crack of dawn and stomping through my house. Ugh! That alone makes me want to pop her in the back of the head. She is more feeble and going down a little every day. The funniest thing she has said lately is about being at home. She wanted me to "help" her get to her room, which is usually an attention seeking ploy, but I do anyway. When we got into her room, she said, "Are you going home?" I said, "Moma! I am at home!" She said, "Am I?" God bless her.

Sick? Who Me?

"Are you sick?"
"Huh?"
"Are you sick? You're in the bed."
"Moma! What are you talking about?" (sleepily)
"I wondered if you were sick, you're in the bed"
"I AM IN THE BED BECAUSE IT IS 5:00 IN THE FREAKING MORNING!!!!"
"Oh...I'm sorry. I thought it was afternoon"
AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't Be A Tumbleweed...

This year our church VBS was Saddle Ridge Ranch. One of our songs was "Don't be a tumbleweed" and it's one of those songs that I cannot get out of my head. I've gone around the house all week singing it. Tonight Moma got to hear it....yep, she went to Bible School.
Mr. Payne is out of town and both the kids had plans. My sister's VBS is this week too, so I had no choice. I dressed the little princess up and off we went. She worried that we had not eaten supper. I had to keep telling her that we'd have supper at church. She thought we were going to revival.
When we got there, I got her settled and got her a plate and drink. She started that same ole game of "you want this?" because what she doesn't want has to be removed from her plate right away.Then we went to the worship rally. I got her settled in a pew to the side, and went to be with my kids. I watched her throughout the rally. She dug in her purse pretty much the whole time (I guess that is where I got it). She was really a good sport about the whole thing. Carolyn Oakes was so sweet to sit and talk with her while I went through my Bible School paces.
On the way home, she was as confused as she could be. Once we got home, she was busy as a bee, and IN TO EVERYTHING!!!! And to think, on the way home, I was feeling so sweetly about her.

Snacks

Okay....they are NOT "prestals". They are pretzels.

Nap

Wednesday (yes I know today is Friday) I came home from school exhausted. Everyone in the family was either gone or asleep, so "Big Girl" decided to lie down for a few minutes. HA! Four hours later, I got up....but I digress.
In the middle of this nap, Moma got up and was rambling through the house. Subconsciously I could hear her, but did not get awake enough to get up. Then, she came into my bedroom, rapped me on the ankles with that (&^$%#) cane and hollered "You better get up, the house is afar (on fire)". Rebekah had gotten up to get ready for work and told her that the house was not on fire, she must have been dreaming. She replied confidently, "That man outside has one of them thangs and he is hollering for us to get out".
I can hear the circus music, can you?

Birthday Suit

This is too precious not to share, but Mr. Payne will not appreciate it.
Sunday night, after all the festivities of the birthday were over, I was settled into my recliner with my laptop on Facebook (of course). I got a chat message from a friend's ex-husband saying that her current husband was in ICU. (They have an amicable relationship) This man in ICU has stage 4 cancer, so I was alarmed. Another friend and I left for the hospital about 10 pm. While we were gone......this is great!.......
Kerry went to bed. He closed off our bedroom door to the kitchen like he always does. This usually means that Moma will go through the living room to the kitchen. NOT THAT NIGHT! He heard her coming, but tried to lie still so she would think he was asleep. He heard her go into his bathroom. He looked and there the precious princess stood with her diaper sagging past her crack, butt cheeks exposed with a back scratcher in her hands BUCK NAKED as the day she was born. (I guess she was eeeeetching). He is scarred for life and prays he never sees that again.

News...

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Much to tell....no time to do it.
Stay tuned.

Birthday Girl

I would love to report that she was a sweet birthday girl, but...that lasted about 15 minutes. My sister and I gave her a little cash for her birthday, but my mother-in-law gave her twice what we gave her. She was thrilled! If there is anything she loves better than eating, it is money. She squealed like a little girl when she opened Glenda's card. We ate supper and she was so sweet and appreciative for about 5 minutes.....then out popped the REAL Mildred.
"This cantaloupe is green....who bought this?" "You cooked these pork chops too long! I can't eat them!" "Ewww! what is that?" and if all this wasn't enough....She asked my father-in-law how old he was. When he answered, she said, "Is that all?" She was nasty about me putting up her plate for her to finish later. She was awful about cutting the birthday cake. She didn't want her picture made (and you can see why with the troll doll hair). I had to make her mad to get her in the bed. I AM SO OVER THE BIRTHDAY! She literally sucks out all the joy of trying to do something nice for her. I need to get out Dr. Dobson's book and read it again (The Strong Willed Child).

Big 9-7

Happy Birthday Moma!!!
Stay tuned for pictures and video (hopefully)

Lately

Lately, I've reported that the dying spells are getting more frequent. Well, if you can imagine, they are more frequent than before. She may be preparing us for the end. I don't know. She really threw up last night (not just spit), and she kept saying she was hurting. I don't know....
Kerry's dad was in a car wreck yesterday. He may have some spleen damage. Please pray that he is okay.

She's Done!

The dying spells are getting more frequent. Last night was a "pray for me" moment that even chocolate milk did not cure. She spoke in tongues and prayed fervently (and she is sincere when she is praying). She cannot tell you what is wrong, but she says something is wrong. She carried on for at least 30 minutes after I put her to bed.
She called me to her room this afternoon to declare that she was going to have to quit. I asked her what she was referring to, but she never really said. She mentioned helping Sherry and me, but I'm not sure that was what she meant. This crazy conversation went on and on (with Rebekah in the bathroom next door yelling out her comments) until I could not contain myself any longer! I laughed and covered it by saying..."You don't have to help us with anything....You just take care of Mildred". She smiled and that suited her just fine.
What a zoo I live in.

The Little Princess Cries Wolf

As you know, Moma has started having frequent "dying" spells. She carries on and calls out to Jesus. You just swear she won't live through the night, but the next morning, she is up stomping through the house like she has never felt better. Ugh....I know this is horrible, and please don't think bad of me, but during a specifically dramatic dying spell, I caught myself planning where the furniture would go back in that room once she finally died. I was looking at the mirror thinking, now I can put the chest back under that, and the other bed will go under the window. AWFUL, I know, but it is just something that happens. If she died every time she had a dying spell, I'd swear she was just a 'possum playing dead. Cats don't have enough lives for her to be a cat.
She began tonight's spell with gagging. She got up from her chair in the den and said, "I'm 'bout to throw up". I followed her, made her sit down and put the trash can in front of her. She started coughing and gagging, hocking and spewing, spitting and sputtering like steam heat. She was NOT throwing up, she was spitting up (God knows what) clear drainage. Then she went to her room where the real fun began. She was "hurtin'" and she wanted a pill. I called my sister and told her about the performance and she said that she had her esophagus irritated to give her 2 Tylenol and a Pepsid. I did. She hollered for the next hour for that pill. She acted like a drunk woman. She carried on until I thought, If you don't die in your sleep, I'm killing you in the morning. Again, AWFUL! I finally gave up and went in there to sit with her. She acted so ugly that she brought the wrath of Mr. Payne on her. She told him to shut up and let her alone. The whole time he was fussing at her, she covered her eyes, then her ears and made slapping motions toward him. She covered her whole head with the blanket. After he left the room, she flipped and flopped, turned and twisted, wiggled and squirmed like a 4 year old fighting sleep. Then she began her ritual of sleep talking. "I ain't gone do it!" (one of my personal favorites) and "I bet I can!" "Shet up" "I ain't gone tell you" and on and on. I think she was fighting Kerry in her sleep. I wish I'd videoed it but I've already admitted my awful thoughts.....I don't want to be arrested for granny porn with her feet in the air and her hind end exposed to the world.
I have to get up in the morning, but she has me so worked up....here I sit at this laptop.

Counting Money

Moma found this change on the table. Rebekah brought it in after cleaning out her car. She counted this money for 20 or 30 minutes.

Candy

This morning Little Precious was up before 6:00 am, stomping through my house, cane clicking and grunting like a boar. She let the dogs out of their crates, like that was her job. I wanted to knock her knees out from under her. I finally got up after about 20 minutes of hearing her tear through my house, opening the pantry, cabinets and the outside doors. Ugh.....
I was not cheerful, but I began fixing her breakfast. Once I got her seated and out from under me, I poured my life blood (Diet Dr. Pepper) and got a Special K cereal bar. "Hey! Gimme some candy!!" she bellowed at me. After the fuss over this the other day, I pinched her off a piece and said, "It's not candy! It's a cereal bar and you won't like it". She put it in her mouth, and turned her head and mumbled, "That wasn't enough to taste". GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.............the urge to kill was radiating through my being. I pinched her off a bigger piece, and stomped out of the kitchen. She made that sarcastic face and said, "Thanky" But, she won't admit she didn't like it.

Cute

The cats were playing in the den, and Moma leaned over to me and said, "See that little white cat?" I nodded. She continued, "It got run over by a car when it was a little thing, and I went out and found it on the road and nursed it. It was hopping on 3 legs!"
WE FELL OUT LAUGHING!!!
The kitten was attacked by the neighbor's dog, had surgery and a pin put in his leg. Little Mildred had NOTHING to do with his recovery! He is MEAN, but I love him! He has such personality! Ummm.....they are a lot alike! lol