I've said it before......

Look, I know I have mentioned this before (several times) but you just cannot imagine what it is like to roll Moma's hair. She had her bath this morning and got her head washed (past due). The minute her hair was dry, she began the chorus...."Roll my haar" and she sang it about 18 times before I said, "NO". Then the begging began. Now, I know it needed it (she needs a perm and a hair cut Dinah!) but I hate to do it. I joke, but seriously it is WORSE than combing a child's hair. It is WORSE than washing the dog. I'll cut Shula's hair any day in exchange for someone else doing Mildred.  (Hmmm....wonder if Petco would take her....they have those little leases for the head......well?) She bobbles that head, scratches her entire body so she bounces up and down, she leans over to inspect her leg, she looks around, she screams "Stop pulling my hair!", she begs "Please don't hurt me". I am ready for alcohol when I finish, but am I finished? Oh no....here she comes with 3 rollers in her hand...."These fell out". I roll and re-roll her hair for hours until I finally just take it down for my own survival. I'm looking up Petco's number.

Now I Know What Really Went On....

The longer I am home from our NC win (moment of silence in honor of my AU Tigers), I am learning about things Moma said and did while I was gone.

One night, she had asked for diapers over and over and had been given 5 within a couple of hours. Kerry jumped her and asked her if she was eating them. Her reply, "I wish. I ain't the only one using them!" Kerry asked what she was talking about. She explained, "They come to me wanting them, and I feel sorry for them, so I give them some. You want me to send them to you the next time?" "Yes" he answered. LOL

Kerry had to take her soup away from her because she was letting the dog lick out of the bowl. While his back was turned at the sink, she threw the spoon at him. Nice.

Nice to know that while you are away, things progress as usual. I didn't miss it one bit.

Still Celebrating

I am still wearing Auburn attire. I have worn different Auburn outfits since Friday before the game. Just washing and re-wearing! lol I love my Auburn Tigers! Makes me feel so close to Mother and Daddy! I miss them so!

Moma has been childlike in more ways than one. Hard to explain, but she has that "look" of a child sometimes and certainly has the impatience of a 2 year old. She was happy to see me, but didn't drag it out like usual. The dog made a bigger fuss. She hugged me and told me how happy she was I was home and that she didn't want me to go off anymore for a LONG time, but then, that was it. lol She usually carries this on for days. Oh well....
She is napping so I am headed to do tons of laundry. Apparently, no one else can run the "machines".

Here's your sign

Before I left (I'm in Arizona for the BCS bowl game), I hung a sign that read: 

Julie is out of town for the Auburn game. She will be back Wednesday.

I thought that might help with all the questions that she'd ask. So, I did my part. Now, I only have one thing left to say.

DEAR MOMA,

I AM HAVING A BLAST! CAN'T WAIT FOR THE GAME!  

DO NOT WISH YOU WERE HERE! 

SEE YOU WEDNESDAY!

Julie

Hissy Fits

Moma has pitched so many hissy fits lately, I couldn't possibly describe them all, but I'll do the next best thing: 

Hissy Fit Quotes by Little Mildred

• Julie, the way you're a acting makes me like you less and less.
• (When told that Jesus was listening to her pitch a fit) I don't give a damn WHO is listening!
• You can take that wheel chair and cram it up your ass.
• You are just taking advantage of my age so you can get the wheel chair (? not sure what she meant)
• Poor little dogs....can't have NOTHING!
• Just kiss my ass....all of you!
• I'm gon eat this. I'm saving it for later.......and I ain't gon feed your damn dog!
• Get that wheel chair out of here! I don't like looking at it! (She tried to push it off the porch)
• (Christopher was scolding her for being ugly to me) I don't know why she hadn't kicked your ass out of here yet!
• Shut up! Shut-up! Shut-up! (over and over, with her fingers in her ears and shaking her head)
• You are the hatefulest people I know.
• I'm gon tell them (who?) how y'all are treating me! I'm gon tell on all of you!

Of all the fits, the wheel chair fit was the most precious. She is too vain to have a wheel chair! She also pushed it out on the deck (and I brought it right back in). It's a battle of the wills (and I am not winning).