Well, I have answered all sorts of crazy questions lately. "Who are you?" and "Have my sisters been by here?" are among my favorites. We are experiencing a new crazy. I can't explain it. It's as if she is talking and doing crazy things, but she knows she is and it is driving her crazy.
Let me explain. After the 2am door opening incident, I decided to have a conversation with her about it during a lucid moment. She was appalled! She said, "Why don't you slap me awake when I act like that? I must be sleepwalking!" I told her about the anger. She was so bothered by it. She said, "I must be going crazy!" The next night, she went to the bedroom at her normal time, and she kicked, she eeeeeeetched, she sang, she talked, she stomped her feet and clapped her hands. I walked by the room and she sat up on the edge of the bed. I asked what was wrong, and she did her finger in a circular motion by her head as if to say, "I am crazy." She got out of bed, and walked over to me. Very seriously, she said, "I don't understand all that has taken place here." I asked what she was talking about. She said, "you know....all this....here....and the city knows it and they won't do anything about it." I took her with me to the kitchen and we got her some ice cream and I sat her down in the den with us. She kicked her feet awhile, and figgeted, but finally settled down, and finished the whole bowl of ice cream. Praise the Lord! She slept all night! I always knew that ice cream was the #1 bedtime snack of champions!
A funny before I post. Tonight, at supper, she was telling Kerry that Tubby, our black dog, was more "loverable" than Shula, the white dog. Then she looked at the dogs and said, "Yes, old Mr. Whitey is a smart alec!" She has NEVER liked that poor dog.

Let the killers in....

Last night was the strangest of all. After we got in from Tuscaloosa, Moma returned home. She was a little defensive toward Sherry and acted really glad to be home. I got her ready for bed, and she went off to sleep quickly. However, at 2:00 am, we heard her get up, and begin walking around with her cane. She opened the door to the living room that is her favorite to close 500 times a day and night. Then we heard the front door open. Kerry jolted me to full consciousness, and I lept out of bed to the living room. She had the door all the way open, and was turning around to retreat. I asked her what she was doing. Her response is a little fuzzy, but it went something like this.
"Well, there are some more people supposed to be here and you have got this place shut up, and can't nobody get in."
Me: Why would you open the door?
Moma: to let them come in to kill people.
Me: WHAT???
Moma: They are coming in to kill people. They have to kill people so Jesus can come take me home. (lots of mumbling, and stumbling)
Me: I don't know what you are talking about, you need to go back to bed.
Moma: Well, what are you doing here if you don't understand?
Me: Moma, go back to bed.
Moma: What are you going to do?
Me: Go back to bed, it is the middle of the night.
Moma: Okay, go on
Me: No you go too
Moma: I'm going.....You go that way, and I'll go this way.
Me: Okay (as I chain the door)

If that had been the end of it, I would not be so exhausted, but she rambled and talked and walked all night. I had to get ugly and tell her to GET IN THE BED. Tonight, I may boobytrap her door.

B-I-N-G-O! And Bingo was his name, oh!

Recent conversation with Moma @ 9:30ish (pm).

She enters my bedroom.
Moma: Hey, you going to bed?
Me: Not right now, why?
Moma (looking down toward the den): Who is that down there in that chair?
Me: Kerry
Moma: Oh. Have all the outsiders left already?
Me: Who? What outsiders?
Moma: Oh, I can't think of their names, but you know.....the ones who play Bingo.
ALRIGHTY THEN!

Going to Tuscaloosa to take Rebekah to audition for a scholarship at U of A. She is excited! But not nearly as excited as Sherry will be to see me return because Moma is doing a sleep over at her house. Tee-Hee! I hate I won't be here to enjoy the peace and quiet.

Moma is also singing a good bit again. Maybe I'll teach her to sing B-I-N-G-O!

Hey Lady!

I am now referred to as "Hey Lady!". She cannot remember my name most of the time. She is also so helpful. She puts dirty straws that she has "saved" back into the drawer, and dirty cups she has "rinsed" out into the dish drainer. She tosses my bath mat into my bath tub so that it is nice and wet when I need it. She closes and locks doors ad nauseum. She moves hangers from door knob to door knob. She waters my plants until water is standing in the floor or she knocks the plant over and has dirt everywhere. She empties her garbage can for me (right into my bedroom can). She feeds my dogs everything she can. Welcome to my world! Things that would not be so bad by themselves, but with everything else......Augh! Sometimes, I am ready to scream. I ask forgiveness for desiring to rip her head off.
If you are a praying person, please ask God to give me what I need to make it through this adventure. If you think I am being petty, walk in my shoes.

Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting!

Today, she was completely "with it". That is after I got her up and to the table to take her medicine. She slept at the other end of her bed last night, for a change, I suppose. Anyway, she wanted to put her clothes on. She knew my name. She was very "with it". When we got home from church, it was as it always is when she is "with it". She was looking for a fight! And I wasn't about to give her one. She had a smart, hateful reply to everything I said. She made catty little remarks (her favorite: Goody Goody Gumdrops!) when I did things for her. I tried to be sweet and kind just to avoid the fight she was after! She complained because we did not have a fire in the fireplace. She complained of being cold. She didn't like what I fixed her for lunch. She fussed because Kerry had gone to the golf course, and on and on. She finally went to her room and laid down. When she got up, she was still looking for a fight, but I kept poo-pooing it away. Rebekah was working a puzzle, and I was trying to read for my class. She stood, literally, over my shoulder holding my chair, with her grunt, grunt, grunt.....I kept trying to ignore it, but I wanted to scream, GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! (but I didn't) She messed in everything she possibly could to get my reaction. She rearranged things, rambled in the refrigerator, and finally asked for a bowl of chili that I was cooking on the stove that she knew was for our supper Monday night. I gave it to her. To my self, I was saying, "I will not fight with this little woman today." over and over and over. The whole time I was ready to scream!
Later, Sherry and Erin came over to sit while Kerry and I went out to eat. When we got home, she was beginning to get a little cloudy. By the time Sherry was ready to leave, the clouds had moved in. As they headed to the front door, she looked at me, and said, "Well, she is ready to go..." and then looked at Sherry and said, "Are we going out this door?". Sherry told her that she was not going with her, but she looked so confused. I said, "You aren't leaving me, are you?" She said, "I guess not, she doesn't want me." Then, she couldn't find her bedroom. Then she asked me if she had on a gown. I got her seated on her bed, and she looked up at me and said, "All I have to do is cover up?" Well, I got her down, and by the time I got to the den, she was on my heels. "HEY LADY!!!" She needed some water. (Yes, she called me lady). I got her water and back to bed, and here she came again. "Where is my coat? And have you seen my teeth?" We found the teeth and I showed her the coat. Dear God, please don't let her plan a trip after we get in the bed. I can't handle her leaving the house.
For now, she is lying down and as I live and breathe, she is popping her hand with her fist. She is still looking to fight. And my money is on her.

Ice Cream Cake

Tonight we celebrated my husband's birthday, which is actually tomorrow. I bought him an ice cream cake. Moma loves ice cream. When I cut her a piece, she said exactly the same thing she said last week when I cut her a piece of Seth's ice cream cake....."Ice cream cake? I don't think I've ever seen an ice cream cake" "This is the first cake like this I've ever seen." We tried reminding her that she had some just like this last week, but she said, "Why didn't you tell me?". God love her.
It has been a day or so since my last posting, so let me catch you up. She is feeding my dogs like a maniac because she is sure that we are starving them. She feeds them a little of everything. If we catch her, she sneaks in later and takes stuff out of the refrigerator. Joy caught her taking the wieners out of the wieners and kraut the other day to feed them. Joy told her to stop, and she said, "You can just kiss my ass". Well! How precious that my grandmother is cursing out the very people who are caring for her. Sweet. Oh another little precious thing she has started doing.....her bedside potty has become a combination potty and garbage can. She puts everything from soiled diapers to cans in there, and then......on top of it. Oh yes she does. Nice.
The sad part about all of this is that she would DIE a thousand deaths if in her right mind she knew she had done these things. I mean, we never discussed our potty habits with family much less strangers. She informed Kim Gilbert about her hemorrhoids. Pleasant, huh?
Well tune back in for another Moma update.

Moderate Monday

Today was fairly uneventful until around 2:45. Moma fell again (fall #4 that we know about). This time she was closing her favorite door and lost her balance. She bit the dust in my living room, skinning her knee and elbow (small scrapes on her ankle). She was very humble when I got home. Very very confused, but very humble.

My sister mentioned the N word again today, but this time to me. I just don't think I can bear to do that. I am so afraid that someone would be mean to her (with her 4 different personalities). One of her personalities is smart and hateful, and I can just see someone pulling on her or being mean to her. I cannot bear that. The other three personalities are tolerable. Although the rambler might get next to someone whose hormones are raging. After the fall today, she was just Moma. Very confused, and very humble, but Moma. Thankful for "all you do for me", and for her family, she offered my sister and me anything she had that we wanted. Bless her heart, she thinks she has a ton of money, and she has very little.

I am open for any suggestions. Just don't use the N word.

Island Girl

If you see my grandmother, and she appears to have that summer glow.....that would be because she has been in the self tanning lotion. She will open any bottle or tube that looks like lotion and rub it anywhere she can get to. I caught her one night with Rebekah's "shimmer" lotion. She was bling-blinging with her glitter lotion all up and down her legs. She will not ask about doing anything. She just does it! After all, she is a princess.

I snapped on her big time tonight in front of Seth and Rebekah. They were both laughing into their hands. The bad thing is that Sherry snapped on this afternoon and used the N word (nursing home). She kept after everyone at the table to eat 1/2 of her piece of pizza. Finally, she offered it to me, and I took it to shut her up. In case you don't know, I have a thing about people passing food back and forth (see the post called Food Fight). So, I will just take it to shut her up. Then she started interrupting me to ask if I were going to eat it or not. I kept telling her that I was, but she finally said, "Well, give it here if you ain't gonna eat it, I'll give it to the dog". I just ignored her. But, you know the rest....she kept on. About the 15th time she said, "Give that dog a bite." I lost it. I said, "NO! I feed him, he doesn't need another bite after all you have fed him today." So, what does the little Princess do? She got up and went to the pizza box to get him a piece from the box. I snapped the lid down and said, "NO MA'AM!" And before I knew it, I was on her level. I gave them both a tiny bite of pizza and screamed, "ARE YOU HAPPY? Now, shut it!" She started rubbing my arm in a very condescending way, saying "Calm down, calm down". I cannot tell you the rage I felt at that moment! I told her that I would not calm down that she drives me crazy about feeding the dogs. If she would stop it we would not have any problems! So Princess "I am right and she is wrong" turns to the dogs and says, "Y'all have gotten her hot, you better get out of here". As if I hadn't already made my blood pressure rise, I screamed, "NO! They didn't make me hot, you did! You drive me crazy!!!!!!!!!" She patted my arm, as if I were a schizophrenic fool, and quietly said, "I'm sorry". Then she toddled off to her bedroom.
Okay, Okay! My bad! I let her make me crazy.....I am the only one in control of my temper. No one can make me crazy unless I let them. I must not surrender that kind of control to any other human being. (Dialing CED Mental Health). I am a good person. I didn't mean to scream at my 94 year old grandmother (making an appointment). Take a deep breath! Sigh.....will I survive?

Wasted Days and Wasted Nights

We have our days and nights totally reversed now. It's like a baby. She is wide awake at 11:00 pm, and wants to sleep like a baby at 2:00 in the afternoon. She keeps asking us what time it is, and wants to eat breakfast at about 10:00 pm. She thinks we are teasing her. She'll say, "What time is it really?"
Today, she got upset because I put her jewelry box in her room. I got it last week while I was at her house. All the data we've read says to give them things to "ramble" through. She is a rambler since birth, so I thought her jewelry box would be the ticket. I snuck it into her room while she slept today, and it was the first thing she noticed when she went to the bathroom. That started the game of "20 Questions".
Who went to my house?
Why did you bring this up here?
How did you get in my house? Well, who gave you keys?
Why didn't you let me go? I want to go.
Will you let me go with you next time?
And on and on and on......
On a funny note, this morning when I went in to wake her. She was leaned back on her pillows, no underwear, legs in the "styrups" position, holding a pad to herself. She said, "My water broke". After yesterday, I wasn't surprised, but thankfully she was a little more with it today.

Cut N Color

I don't usually post more than once a day, but this is just too precious not to report, and frankly if I don't do it now, I'll forget most of it. (It's contagious)

Tonight, I am uploading music onto Kerry's iPod and chatting online with Joy, and I hear her in the bathroom talking. So, I get up and go in to find her with my make-up bag. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "I'm busting in here". I said, "That is my make-up bag, what are you looking for?" She said, "Some olive oil". Well, I didn't think it too terribly strange, because all my life, she has rubbed her cuticles with Virgin Olive Oil and begged me to do the same. So I told her that I didn't have any, but we'd buy her some. She said she wanted me to, so I was expecting her to come out of my bathroom and go back to bed. But...............
She stopped in the doorway, and said, "I've undertaken something that I cannot handle." Surprised, I asked her what she was talking about. She said, "I don't know how to say this, but..." she pointed into her bedroom, and finished...."I'm gonna turn this bedroom into a beauty shop." Well, I was about to burst out, and she said SO SERIOUSLY, "Julie, I can't run a beauty shop!" Still biting my lip, she said, " I wish you'd tell me what to do". Now understand me...she was dead serious and looking to me for advise on this Star Trek adventure. And at this moment, I am about 10 years old, in church, and trying to fight back laughter. I said, "No, you can't". She looked at me so seriously, and said, "What I ought to do is quit the beauty business all together!" Okay people......I laugh out loud at this point. I cannot help it. I am too far gone. To tell you the truth, I don't even know how I finally got her back in the bed. That, my friend, is something I will never forget. This little woman won't even comb her own hair, but plans to open a beauty shop in my spare bedroom. Precious!

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Today has been so crazy, you will say I am making it up for the sake of your entertainment on this blog. It goes in my Top 5 of "You won't believe this" list. In fact, it may be #1. Or I might just give it a category all it's own.
This morning, I went into her room to wake her up. She was sleeping very soundly. I said (as usual), "Moma, it's time to get up and eat breakfast!" She not only jumped (startled) but today she hollered! But went right back to sleep the minute I went out. Okay, this scenario was repeated about 5 times, until I said in a loud voice, "You have got to get up, I have to go to work!" So, she finally drug herself to the table. I just gave her medicine to her and left in a dash. This afternoon, my niece called and said, "Good Luck", I knew what she meant. I know that the cuckoo bird was circling my house. In a few short minutes, my daughter called, and said "Mother, you have got to get home! She is crazy!" I asked her why and this is the conversation that she reported took place when she got home from school.
She enters the back door to find Moma sitting, covered up on the couch with a blanket, but there was another blanket draped over her head.
Moma: I am so glad you are home. I have been sitting her for about 2 hours waiting for someone to tell.
Rebekah: Tell what Moma?
Moma: About that wreck. There was a wreck right up the road, and it was terrible. I tried to get them some help.
Rebekah: Moma, there wasn't a wreck when I came in, so they must have gotten help.
Moma: NO! It was terrible! I am just so upset. I have called everyone I know to come get me. (She is shaking)
Rebekah: Mother will be home in a minute. You can talk to her about it.
(Moma leaves the room and Rebekah notices the newspaper on the couch. The front page has pictures from the bad wreck that happened on the interstate last night. Moma is crying out, "Help me Jesus! I don't know, I don't know".)
When I got home, she was lying on her bed in the fetal position, talking. I heard her say something about not being able to find her pocketbook. I spoke to her, and said, "Moma, your pocketbook is right there under your table, see?" She said, "Well I know that one is there, I mean that other one that I threw out the car". (takes me by such surprise, I laugh) "The car?" I asked. Yes, you don't know what all I have been through today." I said, "What?" She said (moaning), "I got hit.....by a car, and my car........" I said in a very mellow voice, "Moma, you have on your gown. You have not been anywhere today. Joy was up here with you. You don't drive anymore. You have not been in a wreck". She said, "Only God in Heaven knows what all has happened to me".
OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's been downhill from there. She has been waiting on her husband to come (dead since 1982). She doesn't want to "see anyone without me" Not sure what that means. Then she has been talking about she "doesn't want anything to do with it" and when I questioned that, she said that it was all about getting money, and I'd hear it when they came in "blabbing". Then she "doesn't want to bother us because she knows what it is like to try to get in there". When I questioned that, she snapped on me. "I'M TALKING ABOUT GOING IN THAT PLACE WHERE WE EAT!"
Supper was from Captain D's tonight (take out), and Kerry and Rebekah got me so tickled I nearly choked! I told them if I choked to death, not to dare come to my funeral! Kelli was in charge and she'd have them tossed out!
Now, she has a small place on her face that is puffy and red. Makes me wonder if she fell. She says she hit the counter, but I don't know which one it could have been. Of course, my resident comedians said, "She hit the steering wheel in that wreck". Now that is just wrong! lol Whew! Stay tuned to this same bat channel....................

The little things...

Never take for granted your freedoms. Oh, I am not just talking about the Bill of Rights and the Constitution. I mean your day in and day out freedoms. I have been seriously grieving over my loss of freedom. For example, I no longer have the freedom to run to Wal-Mart at 8:00 unless there is someone here to stay with Moma. Nor can I leave a mess from a "project" unfinished. I don't have the freedom to sneak my dogs a bite of what I am eating because she feeds them EVERYTHING she can. I can't graze in my pantry or refrigerator anymore without having to explain what I am eating and then fixing her some. But the freedom I miss the most is going to church every time the door is open; not missing any event! Tonight for the first time in many weeks, I got to go to choir practice! Sweet freedom! I couldn't sing for the lump in my throat. I miss the fellowship of my Christian brothers and sisters. I miss singing the songs that speak my heart. I just sat and worshipped through one song because the tears were coming fast, and God was blessing me so, I couldn't sing a note. I miss serving God with a glad heart! Now, I know that I am doing what He would have me do, but it is sacrifice. He calls us to sacrifice, but it is harder than I ever thought. In Colossians, it tells us to do what we do with all our heart as if we are doing it for Him and not man. So I KNOW that I KNOW I am doing what God would have me do. I just felt the need to share that, and I am not sure why.
There is not much to report. Today was beauty shop day. She is more childlike everyday. She talks to me as if I am an employee at this "place" where she is. Tonight she asked if she needed to pay for her meals. lol God love her! She seems to have a different countenance. I hope God is preparing her for her new body!

What day is this?

This is a constant question that Moma asks. What is today? What day is this? Is today Sunday? I cannot imagine NEVER knowing what day it is. I must admit that when we are out of school, it is easy for me to "get lost" in time, but working takes care of that.

Every day shows a little more progression toward the end. She sleeps much more than before. She talks out in her sleep to people who have gone on. She seems more in a fog every day. Her balance is awful, and she has not a clue who we are. A new twist.....she asks permission to do stuff. "Can I go to bed? Do you mind?" Today was Seth's birthday, and we cut her a piece of his delicious DQ ice cream cake. She finished it and said, "May I have another little piece of that cake?" like a four year old.

Oh, and tonight.....she doesn't like my dogs. She drew back her fist at Shula. I don't think he'd bite her, but he might. I hope not.

When you pray, remember us in your prayers. I need strength. She needs peace.

Nothing new to report

There is nothing new to report. She is going downhill fast. I have to tell her everyday that I am her granddaughter. She asks me if I live in this house several times a day. In her sleep, she calls for her Momma. She is sleeping more.

When I was a little girl, she taught me to play cards. We only played Old Maids, but my Papa (pronouncd Pop-paw) still fussed at her. He thought that girls should not be playing cards, especially since my parents were Baptist and my Daddy was a (gulp) deacon. But as usual, she ignored him, and went right on teaching me to play. She told me that there were a lot of things girls needed to know just because. I loved her so much. She also let me drink a whole 6oz. Coke right out of the bottle and in the living room, for pity's sake. What a wonderful role model she was. She showed me, through her life, that life is too short to not enjoy it. We laughed a lot together. She talked the talk, but she took GIANT steps walking the walk.

A Grandma siting.....

I have dealt with the stumbling, staggering, and even the falls (although I hate those), but I haven't dealt with a "pretend" fall yet, until today that is. Today, Moma came into the study and said, "I just came to tell Momma that I just fell out of the bed and hit my head, so don't let me go to sleep". I was taken quite by surprise. I looked up from my computer, and said, "Huh?" She said, "I thought I might better tell Momma that I fell out of the bed, so in case anything happens, y'all will know why". I said, "Moma, I didn't hear you fall". She said, "Well, I didn't make a fuss. I'm alright". I said, "What did you hit?" She said, "the floor". Well....duh!!!!! Then she looked at me so funny, and said, "Momma isn't here, is she? She's dead, isn't she?". I shook my head agreeing with her, and she said, "Well I just wanted to let someone know that I'm in here (pointing to her room), and you can check on me".
The confusion has really been bad today. I always thought it would be great to be totally out of it, so that no one would expect anything from you, but now, I see the real horror in it.
I wish you could have known her "back when". If I'd kept a journal then, it'd be a best seller. She was quite a woman!

Thankfully.....back to work

I went back to work today, well, it was in-service, but that is required, so back to work! Yipppeeee!!!! My niece is the new "keeper", so since I have no major ramblings to report, I'm going to reflect on a time when she was younger.

My grandmother always visited the sick, took little old ladies to church, and made herself available to her sisters who did not drive. I remember Aunt Grace or Aunt Rosabell being with us in the car, and we'd stop for lunch somewhere. I would laugh wildly at the two of them (it was always 2, never 3). They'd crack me up with their comments about other drivers, other customers, and just other people in general. Moma would refer to slow old men as "old codgers". I'd laugh. I know where I get my incredible urge to make a comment about everything and everybody I pass. I used to sit in college and share these comments with Deborah into her ear (I sat behind her). She had really long hair, and no one could see me leaning up to make my comments. She'd lurch forward in laughter, and beg me to stop.

My grandmother also listened to Joe Rumore. He came on the radio on WVOK. She'd answer our phone "Joe Rumore!". We had a party line back then. What a great way to save on phone bills. Wish we could do that with the cell. lol Joe Rumore was wonderful. When I was in high school, my friend Denise and I would skip school to sit in the car and listen to Joe Rumore. He advertised all sorts of stuff on his show. He always mentioned his "sweet" or "beautiful" wife, Angie. I miss Joe....and Moma.

Temper Temper...

I used to hate to hear my mother or grandmother say "Temper Temper" when I was young and about to blow my stack. Someone should have said it today. I lost mine with her in the car. My blood pressure was off the charts. She makes me so crazy, but I have to remind myself that she isn't my grandmother, she can't help it and she doesn't remember from one minute to the next, so why waste the air? It is a good thing that she doesn't remember because I would hate for her to remember what all I said to her today. Let me explain.....

I woke her up this morning 4 times before she would get up and get to the table. I should have known that today would be difficult. She was very cloudy and slow. When she got ready for the beauty shop (1 hour early, no matter how many times I told her what time we were leaving), she wandered around the house looking out the window, asking what time that man would be here to pick her up. I reminded her that I was taking her to the beauty shop. "Oh Yeah" she forgot. We got to the beauty shop and glory be! Dinah said she had time to give her the perm that she has asked everyone in 3 counties to give her. That gave me 2 beautiful glorious hours of freedom. I had a bill to pay, and an errand to run, but what then? The Mall!! Yes, I'd go walk around the mall. That got old quick, tired of shopping due to the Christmas deal. So, I went home and waited the call to come pick her up.

Got to the beauty shop when she was ready, and they were counting out her money. She had just enough (without spending her $10 from Pat and Sharon for Christmas). That left her penniless as she put it. On the way to the bank, I stopped by her house to get the mail and feed the cat. She got out and started picking up pecans (the temp. is 28). She started begging to stay and pick up pecans. I told her that was fine, but we wouldn't go anywhere else. She said, "OK", but fast realized that she had nothing to put them in and that she couldn't get them all. I said, "Don't complain about how cold it is in my house later, if you can pick up pecans in this." She got back into the car, and started the old conversation about who could she get to pick them up for her. We went to the bank and the fighting began. She wanted me to write her a check for $100 or $200. (How absurd) I went right ahead and made out the check for the usual $75. She got so mad. She said, "Why can't you just do what I tell you to?" Of course, without thinking, I said, "You don't do anything I ask you to, so why should I?" We pulled up to the window, and cashed the check. She was mouthing and I just let it go. Then she said in a loud angry voice, "Why won't you let me spend my money? It's MY money!!" I lost it! I said, "Who said you couldn't spend your money? Do you think I am spending it? No Ma'am! I am not!" She continued to mouth about not getting her enough money out, she might have wanted to buy a new pair of shoes. I told her that was what the check book was for. She could write a check for her new shoes. She was screaming at me by now, saying "I don't always have my check book with me" (yes she does, she is paranoid that one of us has it, caught her searching my purse for it). I can feel my blood pressure rising now. My head is about to pop off. She is pushing all the right buttons. I screech at her, "I brought you to live in my house, you eat my food, you watch my cable, you use my power, gas and water, when we eat out, we buy yours and we have NOT ASKED YOU FOR ONE DIME, now have we??" I mean I was about to wreck the car I was so mad at her. She said, "I didn't say you did". And to put the icing on the cake, I belted out, " I don't want your **** money, and you can spend it any time you ****well please. I am not going to fight with you over your stupid money. I guess you have forgotten that TWICE someone has taken your money from you in your own home. Do they have to KILL you for you to get it? Carrying around a bunch of cash is STUPID!!!!!!!!" At this point, medics should have been called to monitor my blood pressure as I am sure that my head was spurting blood out the top. She patted my arm and said, "I'm sorry". Yes, thank you for that dose of guilt. Thank you for making me crazy enough to almost curse you out, and then playing the innocent one.

I took her out to eat because it is WEDNESDAY (the national "go out for lunch day because I just got my hair done"). We went to Uncle Sam's where she hit the bathroom, the minute we got there and stayed until I thought we'd have to call in Rogers Crane service to pull her out. Now, mind you, I am still catching my breath over nearly wrecking the car and killing us both. I can't talk much to her, because I am not over my spell. When our food arrives.....she begins dipping (and double dipping) her fries in my Ranch dressing. Okay, I don't do that (see Food Fight, an earlier post). My day is shot to heck and back. The only thing that saved it was 2 calls during lunch from 2 of my best friends. Thanks K and C for "feeling" my pain and calling me. Your call may have saved a little old lady her life! lol She asked when I go back to work, "Tomorrow", I said. Thank Heavens!
The waitress told her how cute she was (and she plays that part well!). I wanted to say....Honey, if you only knew.................

Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year to you and yours! (How corny...) I am ready to go back to work. Why? Read on.

Recent conversations:

(As I pull into my driveway)
Moma: I was thinking that this is where Julie lives.
Me: It is Moma. I am Julie.
Moma: You are?

(One night about 11:30, she appears in the den)
Moma: Do y'all have breakfast?
Me: Yes Moma, I fix your breakfast every morning.
Moma: You do? Well, reason I asked was some people send out for breakfast, and I wondered if I needed to.
Me: No Moma, I'll fix your breakfast for you.

(2 hours after my sister leaves)
Moma: Did she finally leave?
Me: Who?
Moma: Dorothey
(Note: My sister's name is Sherry)

(About 8:00 one evening)
Moma: Hey! Can your daughter give me a permanent?
Me: No Moma, you would not want her to give you a permanent.
Moma: Well, can you?
Me: No Moma, we'll call Dinah and see if she'll schedule you one next time. She has to plan for those.
Moma: How much?
Me: Huh? How much for what? (I'm thinking time, money, what?)
Moma: What?????

(My great niece spent the night)
Moma: Why does her momma let her stay away from home so much?
Me: I don't know, I invited her. I love having her here.
Moma: Well her grandma don't know it. Don't tell her what I said (pointing to Erin who is IN THE ROOM!!)

Okay, so it goes without saying that we have moved to a different plane in this adventure. She is still walking the floors at all hours of the morning, visiting the bathroom MANY times a day, and sharing those visits and the details of with anyone who will listen. God forbid, don't ask her how she is. She will tell you! Grunting has become growling. And much louder. She is far more ornery than usual, and very childlike in many ways. She is beginning to pick up speed in her downhill race. Sometimes, I laugh to keep from crying. No one understands what the caretaker goes through until they become a caretaker. I don't know how much longer God will allow her to linger, but I have lost my grandmother.