Talladega 500!

I feel like I am on the back stretch at Talledega watching my life go by! Zooommmmmmmmm! I feel like I have no control over anything any more. For instance, today at work, I was in my office trying to get some work caught up. Everything I did reminded me of something even more important that I had not done. It was like being in one of those little hamster balls. The world is still spinning, I am just going nowhere. Trapped in this life. I was tempted to take one of my little Xanax pills the Gyn. gave me, but I try to be strong and not give in until I am absolutely suicidal. And now? I should be online paying my bills. But....here I am updating my blog, because that is what I want to do. I love to write. My hubby is out of town........sigh.

Okay, on to the business at hand. Moma is crazier than ever. She is mean and hateful one minute, sad and sweet the next. It's like all those personalities are now mingling together. You never know from one minute to the next which one will answer you. She is still looking for Marie (dead) who has her money (not). And obviously, I am now Rosabell (her dead older sister). She asks about Kerry every day. I think she thinks we are separated. She says, "Don't you miss him?" He will be home tomorrow (Yipppeeeee!!)

The doctor called today. He is sending her out more antibiotics because her symptoms are still very present (UTI), but he said that the infection was NOT MRSA which we were told at first that it was. Who knows? Go figure. Anyway.....the nurse told us to go buy her some buttermilk so she won't get yeast. OH YES!! THAT IS ALL I NEED!!!!!!!!!! Now when she is "eeeeeetching", she will have a new place for me to scratch. Gross! That was wrong, even for me. Okay, I have totally disgusted myself now. Later.

Crash! Bam!

She fell again. I heard CRASH! BAM! Then she said, "Oh". She was trying to get up when I got to her. How she did not break her hip, I'll never know. She is strong as an OX and stubborn as a MULE!
She complained about her supper that I bought at Arby's until I said, "I promise that I will never never never buy you that again if you will only shut up!!!!!!!" Not being crude, as my mother would say, but I promise that Jesus could fix her a sandwich and it would not be right! UGH!

When she was bad, she was horrid!

"There was a little girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very good, but when she was bad, she was my Moma."

Wow, what a weekend. I am thankful it is over! Sunday night at 7:18 normally brings about a sense of dread for returning to work. OH NO, not for me. I have sympathy for the poor sitter. I cannot wait to get back to work!!!!!!!!!! Last November, I asked God to give me what I needed to do this. Today, I said, "Ok Lord, I cannot take much more. Either take her home or bless me again!"

Today, she called me a "smartass" at least 25 times. She told me to shut-up and used her sarcastic tone with me about everything. When I completely lost it with her at breakfast.....(any clue how the rest of the day went?), she began to chant. "Woooo hooooo Wooooo hooooo" like she was at a ballgame! I wanted to flip her out of that chair backwards. I forced her into the bath tub because as usual, she didn't need a bath. I washed her hair, mainly for meanness. She hated it! Now, it stunk, but I wanted to torment her, and that was the least I could do. I washed her nasty blankets, and she wouldn't lie on the bed because it wasn't made up. She sat up in a chair, napping.......STUBBORN mule. But when I walked into the bathroom and caught her slathering up her legs and back with my hair conditioner.............I went ape crazy. "HOW CRAZY ARE YOU?" I asked. I just hate people to mess with my things!!! Then she walked around with her hand crammed in the front of her diaper and the back sagged down under her saggy cheeks. All she needed was some fruit loop tennis shoes. I am absolutely at the end of my rope. Please pray that I don't kill her while Kerry is out of town.

I know "in His time, in His will" but this is NOT my grandmother. This poor lost soul needs to be relieved from her misery. Pray that God will have His way, and she will get peace.

Wednesday Woes

Today was not the best of days for my Moma. She has been very stubborn, argumentative, busy, nosy, sneaky, and just plain mean. We all have days like that, don't we? I mean, there are days I enjoy being nasty. Today was her day.
She is getting much more forgetful. She can't remember that she has just eaten, and she starts looking for something else. She got up in the middle of her supper tonight and just started walking outside on the deck. I had to make her go back and sit down to eat. I found her this morning in the bed with her legs up, and NO DIAPER!
This may sound strange, but I have just written her eulogy. I plan to give it. If approved by the family, that is. Writing it reminded me of what a dynamic woman she used to me. Wow, what a blessing she has been in my life.

Here we go again....

Once again, we are looking for the Buchanan girls. They seem to have Moma's money, and they live over there by Grace (who would be their dead mother). She searched the phone book for their number. If you have a Buchanan siting, please let us know.

School Days School Days

Friday afternoon, I was sitting in the den reading the new Sandra Brown book when in walks Moma very determined. She said, "Where is your momma?" My standard answer...."in Heaven with Jesus". "Well, who am I to see?" she asked. I inquired, "about what?" Her answer..."school". Okay, at this point, I had to pick up my drink and hold it in front of my face because I was afraid I was about to lose it. "What about school, Moma?" She said, "I can't find that list the teacher gave us and I don't know what I am supposed to get". (Nearly laughing out loud here). I said, "Don't worry about it, I'll get your school supplies". She stalked through the room, stopped and looked out the french doors and said, "I must be going crazy". So, thinking that she realized that what she had just said was nonsense, I said, "It's ok Moma, you're 95 (our excuse for everything)". She said, " I just wish I could remember what I did with that list!". And out she walked. Precious.
By the way, she went to the doctor and had a raging UTI!

OH....so that's it!

I think I have figured out why Moma is so crazy! Thanks to several others' ideas and my own deductions, I have decided that she has a raging UTI. Check out the symptoms:

1. urine has foul odor

2. can't control urine

3. back ache

4. CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!

Why do bladder infections make old people crazy? I mean, they make me nutso too, but I am at myself. I mean, I know who I am. I don't get it.

One funny for the road-
Yesterday, she asked me (after reviewing who all in the family has died) "Who got my insurance money when I died?" I said, "Well, A. you aren't dead, and B. you have no life insurance" She said, "Whaaaat???" Obviously she passed on without us knowing.

Whew! oh boy...............

To say that she has been a little crazy lately would be putting it lightly! Let me reflect back....
Thursday night I had to take Rebekah her car (had been in the shop) and of course make that panic mad dash to the gas station before the prices were raised to ungodly prices. When I came back, Kerry said, "Come here...." I followed him down the hall where he showed me one of Moma's blankets in our bedroom floor. We moved on down the hall where another of blankets lay in the hallway. Her room was pitch black dark. I went in, turned on her light. She sat up, and I said, "Hey! why are your blankets laying in the floor?" She said, "Oh.....I was sunning them." Okay..........(wrong time of day for that).
Friday afternoon, a friend came up for a little while just to visit with me. Good grief, it made her crazier than ever. She kept asking "Who are you?" and "Why is she here?" and "Where do I stay?" and on and on....I tried to reassure her that I was NOT going to leave her alone. Any little change just sends her for a loop.
She asked so many random questions today.........I was ready to hang her. She hates football, and during the Auburn game, she kept saying "Turn that silly mess off". The precious princess wasn't getting quite enough attention.
OH.............. I almost forgot this precious moment. Today, I left her with Rebekah to go eat with 2 of my dearest friends from college. When I came home, the report was "....crazy as a loon". She met me at the kitchen door, and said, "Pray for me..somethings wrong". I said, "it's meanness". She said, "I don't know" like she does when she doesn't hear you. Well, long story short, I gave her no attention for her princess woes. She returns to her room (we have the baby monitor on) and I hear..."mumble mumble....call the doctor...mumble" but then "DOCTOR....DOCTOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRR.....DOOOCCCCTTTTOOOOORRRRRRRR!!!" and "What's wrooooonnnnnnnggg??" "Momma, Momma......MOMMMMMMMAAAAA!!" She carried on like a lunatic for 20 minutes or more. Then as fast as it started, it was over. All we heard was deep snores.
Never a dull moment in this house. I feel like I live in a street fair "Fun House". You just never know.............

Where were you?

I remember exactly where I was when the first plane hit the tower, or at least when we learned about it. I was at my "new" school with students in the library. One of my co-workers called me into her room for help on a computer. While I was in there, another teacher ran in and told us. We turned on the TV and we were all speechless. About that time, the 2nd plane entered the picture. It was the scariest moment! I was sick to my stomach, weak in the knees.

Looking back, I am reminded how healthy and "with it" my sweet grandmother was. She told me that the Bible warns us of attacks like that, and that prophecy was being fulfilled. She was so strong. She kept telling me to have my sin "under the blood" and to be ready to meet Jesus at any time. She was not moved in any way by Osama's attack on America. She refused to let him cause fear in her heart.

I miss my grandmother.

Short one tonight

I'm tired....
Short post:
Tonight after supper, Moma said, "Do I have to go across the street to go to bed?"As tempting as it was to send her to the Garmony's across the street, I said, "No Moma, your bedroom is down the hall".
Sigh...............

COO COO for Cocoa Puffs

I am coining a famous phrase from my friend T-Leslie. Today Moma has been coo coo for cocoa puffs. It was my day to go to church, so poor Kerry had to deal with the madness this morning. When I came in, I quickly ate my lunch while she slept. When she got up, she asked, "Ain't y'all got nothing to eat?" So, I fixed her lunch. She went back toward her room, and when I went to get her, she was asleep. I woke her to come eat. She asked what I had fixed her. I told her I warmed up her sandwich that she had left from last night. She looked at me like I had two heads. She began asking all those crazy questions again, like who all lives here, where'd they all go, etc. She started feeding the dogs her food, so I got on to her, like we always do. She wanted to get nasty with me. After a short argument, I put the dogs out, and told her that she was getting a bath. She balked (as usual), but then said, "Who's giving me a bath?" So, I got her water ready and finally coaxed her into the bathroom. (Sometime I am going to give a blow by blow of her bath.....whew!) I changed her bed linens, got her out and dressed in clean clothes. She said, "Y'all don't ever put powder on us". Now, I am not sure who US is, but she has referred to us a lot lately. Maybe she thinks she is in a group type home.
She rode with me to meet a friend to give her something, but I had to promise her ice cream. So, I wheeled through Mickey D's and got her an ice cream. OH! and while I was out of the truck talking to Tracey, she slathered that Bath and Body Works Tubular Rose lotion that I have in the truck (remember the doctor's office visit?) all over her. I could smell it while I was talking. On the way home, she asked where we were. I pointed out landmarks for her. We got home and the craziness continued. She rambled in my school bag. She rearranged everything on my table (yes, I need to clean it off!)She asked me why I left her alone in the kitchen. I didn't want to say, "because you are driving me crazy!!!!!!!!" so I invited her in the den with me. She can't be satisfied with being in the same room, oh no. She has to sit with me on the sofa, smelling like a rose garden. GAAAAAAAAAG! I thought I'd puke. I made her get up and wash her hands. Little did I know, she'd bathed in the stuff. She said it was just on her hands, but no............
Finally, she went to lie down. Whew! When Kerry came home with supper, I had to arrange our plates. She will throw the fries, and want my slaw, so I have to fix that before she sees it. I got her up. She started eating. The chicken was fried too hard. She didn't want her Coke. I had to get up and get her some tea. She kept trying to get Kerry to drink the Coke. She asked if I knew anyone who would drink it. She kept saying, "Don't just pour that out". She saw my tartar sauce and wanted some. Eating with her is a major chore. Normally, she saves food off her plate for the dog. So we play this game of me trying to get her plate and her claiming not to be finished. So, tonight, I tried to get her plate and she said, "Don't put that out for that dog!" Augh!!!!!!!!!!! I put it in the fridge. I go out of the room and hear her rambling in the fridge. She wanted to make sure I put her food in there. Again, I try to leave the kitchen. She begins rambling in the cabinet. I go in (a little loud) asking what she was looking for NOW. She said she wanted a cup with a lid. Now mind you, she has an insulated mug with ice water in her room at all times, not to mention the glass of tea I had to pour. I said, "What do you need a cup for? You have tea and water in your room!" She said, "I WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK!!!!!!!!!" I couldn't convince her that she had a cup of tea. I finally put a sippee lid on her cup. Suited her fine. In a huff, I said, "Get somewhere and settle yourself down! I have to get a bath". She finally did. DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH???????????????????????? Most of the time it isn't that bad, but when she is bad, she is horrid!

The cellophane is off...

Today, we are BRAND NEW again. She seemed to be okay this morning. Slightly spacey, but sweet as sugar! Then, my sister dropped by....now usually she comes in like a HERO because Moma doesn't see her as much as she sees me, but today, she rode her like a pony about money. Then she slept half the day away. When she woke up, she wanted breakfast (at 4 pm). First she came out on the deck with me, and said, "Well I wondered if anybody was here. I've been by here several times today and can't find nobody at home". (uh...okay...first clue that we are brand new). So, as I got up to go in the house, she said, "Hey, I don't know what to do about someplace to stay". "HUH?" She began that same old conversation about she don't know what is wrong with her and she don't understand all that has gone on. I tried to play it off by telling her that I was going in the house. She followed me in with some more "brand new" conversation. "Who lives here?" she began. I answered her. "Well, what happened to my house?" I answered. "Well, who has my money?" I answered. This rocked on for several minutes, and every time I thought I had her convinced, she'd say "Is this your house?" AUGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Then, later, she asked if I'd help her get her "right mind" back. So, I thought I'd play along. I asked her a million questions. She answered everyone of them right. And after we'd named everyone in her family, and declared most of them dead, she asked, "Where is Momma?" Oh me...
Auburn beat Southern Miss today! Waaarrrr Eagle! Hey!

Pay My Bills One At A Time!

Wow! Today has been one of those days that I have tried to cram so much in that it is now 10:00 pm and I am like "Where did time go?" So...short post.
Last night, Moma appeared quietly in the kitchen behind me. As I saw her out of the corner of my eye, she was going toward the microwave. I heard her say, "8:48". Then she turned to me and said, "That bill over there is $8.48. I'm going to pay that one, but I think I am only going to pay my bills one at a time....you know, when they come in." I said, "Uh-huh" about to burst out laughing. Then she proceeded to tell me and Kerry all about her and her sister going to town tomorrow and paying the insurance, and on and on and on. Kerry was making me laugh. I could have killed him. Some times....laughter is the only thing I have.
Sigh...tomorrow is blessed FRIDAY!

Brand New

Today, it was like I just unwrapped her. She had no clue where she was. She kept waiting on that "womern" that brought her up here to take her home. She asked 6,000 questions about who lives here, and when did she get here? She asked where my bathroom was, and again where my mother was. I am not sure if she is looking at me like a little girl or if she thinks I am Rebekah or if she is just looking for Mother.
Her balance was awful today, and she complains of being light headed. But her apetite is DEAD ON. She has eaten a little of everything in my house today. I made chocolate oatmeal cookies for us to have with supper (as we did our own little Labor Day thing) and she said, "OOOh there is my chocolate candy!" She would have eaten the whole pan if I'd let her.

There is just a nagging feeling that the angels are near. I don't mean that I am waiting around on her to die, but I can't explain the feeling. I just pray that when God does take her that if is a peaceful experience and not something traumatic for her. She is the biggest drama queen I know. So Lord, let her go quietly.

Happy Labor Day!