Thursday, April 29, 2010

You won't believe this!

Moma has been a pistol the last few days. She was so ugly to the sitter today that Rebekah was embarrassed and made Moma go to her room. She is cursing, and snapping back sassy hateful answers. She is just mean mean mean!
So....tonight, I was going through some of Rebekah's things that she wants to get rid of (seeing if any of it was mine!), and of course, Precious was in the kitchen with me. She asked a million questions, and made her observations and recommendations. I was laying aside discarded socks and underwear to be used as rags. I got up to take the bags to my car for the girls at school to look through for their kids, and when I came back in Moma had a pink silky thong in her hand. "Please tell me" she began "who has one big tit and one little tit". She had it stretched out and thought the front panel was a bra cup and the tiny panel in the back was another one.
I just had to laugh.....it doesn't make up for the fact that she is irritating as all get out, but it makes the road a little easier.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Card Night

Mr. Payne has been out of town twice this month! He just got back into town yesterday from his latest jaunt, but tonight is CARD NIGHT! (What?) So, one more time, I am at home alone with this completely crazy little old woman who refuses to sleep. She has told me "good-night" 15 times since she ate supper, and has yet to stay in her room longer than 20 minutes. So...I gave her the super dooper big time sleeping pill that Dr. Robinson gave her. I normally give her Tylenol PM if I give her anything, but I have had my fill. She is going to sleep tonight if I have to rock her tiny little self. I just need a little ME time before my upcoming surgery.

Sunday, April 25, 2010


I created this blog to be an honest look at being the caretaker of an elderly person. I wanted an eyewitness account for anyone facing it or going through it. What is normal is not always nice. Guilt is a feeling that you have to just let go and do the best you can. Guilt will drive you crazy. You will not always like this person. You may, at times, be disgusted and sickened over something they do or how they do it. There will be times that you question why you ever took this on. You will long for freedom, desire peace in your home, and dream about a time when this person is gone.
Today, I do not like my grandmother. She makes me sick eating. She makes me mad feeding my dogs or hiding food in her pocket to sneak to my dogs. She mocks me. She complains about everything. Nothing is ever right or good enough. I am tired of repeating myself. I hate answering the same questions every 10 minutes. I miss the person she used to be. I am almost angry at my parents for dying before her and leaving me to care for her. I simply wish she would go away.
Is this normal? Yes, dear reader, I am afraid it is.
But as Scarlet reminds us....tomorrow is another day. I won't think about this today. If I think about this today, I'll go crazy. I will think about this tomorrow.

Thursday, April 22, 2010


We're aboard Crazy Train again. We walk the floors at midnight. We enter a dark kitchen, sit down at the table and put our head down. We obsess over chocolate milk and ice cream. We reset and ask the same questions every 15-20 minutes.
We?? No this only applies to her...except the part about ice cream.
That's both of us!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

High Maintenance People Make Me Tired

I live in a house with people who are needy and extremely high maintenance. I have accepted my role in this. I am the court jester, the rodeo clown, a roadie, and an humble serf. It is my job to fix things, maintain order, run errands and manage the business of my royal housemates.
Tonight, without going in to great details (for fear it would wipe me out to relive that) I had had a major mission handed down by the Queen and the Princess. After returning home (for the 3rd time today) I went to the bathroom to take out my contacts and I heard Moma bellering "Julie.....Julie....JULIE!!!!!!!!" I went into her room, and there sat the precious princess with my dogs at her side, drinking her milkshake. She said, "Hey, turn off that light." And you think I don't know my place at this house?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


"Becky, wasn't there any school today?"
"No Moma, I'm out"
"How long do they give y'all for Christmas?"
What planet is she on?

Sunday, April 18, 2010


Just in case you never thought about this....
Old people are greedy little hoarders. I guess going through the depression made them that way, or maybe they don't trust the people who take care of them. Moma will steal toilet paper, safety pins, Kleenex, hand cream, and anything she thinks she might need.....and then LIE about it!!!!!!
Today, I ran to the store to buy a few things. I bought a box of Kleenex because I noticed hers was getting low. She saw it when I came in and asked if it was hers. I told her that she would get it when hers ran out. She immediately went to her room and came back with an empty box. She had taken out what was left and folded them neatly and placed them in her drawer. AUGHHH!!!!!! She drives me NUTS!!!!!!!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Short and sweet?

Short but I'm not sure this is so sweet.

Today Moma is getting on my last nerve!

See? I told you it wasn't so sweet!

Thursday, April 15, 2010


Moma went to the beauty shop yesterday. She was all dressed up in her leopard suit and had a sassy attitude to match. She was kind of cute, like she used to be. I was really enjoying her for a while.
She went to her bedroom to watch TV and change clothes. I took the opportunity to jump in the bath. Needless to say, she banged on the bathroom door several times as usual. She wanted me to get her some fresh water when I got out. I took it to her and stood with my mouth hanging open. There little precious stood with a leopard scarf tied around her head like a do rag. I had to fight the urge to burst out laughing and run for the camera.
I laid in bed visualizing her with her chaps and a skull helmet.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

A hodgepodge of Moma

Where do I start? She has been a rascal this weekend. Well, actually Friday, I woke up with a raging UTI and she was really very good. She did interview me with the same 13 questions for about 2 hours until I had to threaten her bodily functions. But other than that.....Her mischief really started Saturday. I was still not feeling up to par by any means, but she woke up with the chickens. She paraded through my bedroom several times wanting to know if anyone would be cooking breakfast. Kerry corralled her in to the kitchen and explained to her that I was sick. He had to go to work (Smoke on the Falls) and I specifically heard him tell her NOT TO DRIVE ME CRAZY! Ha! That was her first challenge. Without giving every juicy detail of her behavior, just know that she slept little, rambled and messed much, and argued with everyone. Later that evening, Seth came up to show me his car and he and Rebekah drove to get our supper. When they got back, we all sat at the table laughing and enjoying the madness that is my life, when Moma looked at me sternly and said, "Are you making fun of me?" I wasn't (seriously), so I told her no and told her what Seth and I were laughing about. Soon, Rebekah and Seth got up to leave. Shula came in to the room and I picked him up doing all that baby talk I do with my dogs. Under her breath, I heard Moma say, "Don't talk to her!" Shula paid her no attention however. He knows who buys the Kibbles and Bits.
Then today....BEAUTIFUL GLORIOUS day that it is....I decided to get some sun. I put on my swim suit and headed to the deck, soon got hungry and came in to fix Moma and me some lunch. She got up from her nap and ate (complained about having her fill of banana sandwiches). When lunch was over, I cleaned up and headed back out to the deck. I told her to come out there with me. She walked around a bit, then stood over me and said, "Instead of getting a sun tan, you need to be working that!" and she took her cane and pointed to my fat gut, and then said, "How much do you weight anyway?" I'm sorry but at that moment I had a visual of throwing her off the deck. Needless to say, I came in the house and put on my clothes.

Thursday, April 8, 2010


You know that 4 letter word that is used as an expletive, a noun and a verb? It basically means "number 2, BM, or boo boo"? Insert that word every time you see this ****

Tonight, I was cooking supper. I had things under control and decided to run to the bathroom while supper cooked and Moma slept. All of a sudden, she knocked on the door in a panic and burst through it. "Julie.....(gasp) Julie!" I looked up and saw a serious mess on her gown and in the floor. "Julie....come help me! I'm a ****ing everywhere!"
No more details. Just know it was a serious mess. So, the next time you think you've had enough, remember this post!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

She's got skills......

This morning, along with a new sitter, the roofers showed up bright and early. We had some wind and hail damage. Our wonderful homeowners insurance is paying for a new roof. So they worked all day.
I came in about 4ish, and Moma was at the window watching them. They were taking a break and she wanted to know why they didnt' go home if they were not going to work. She is so nosy, she watched their every move. I was catching up on the day with Connie (the new sitter) and Kerry came in. No one missed Moma. But Kerry caught sight of her on the deck HELPING ONE OF THE ROOFERS CLEAN UP!!!! (Of course, he yelled at me about letting her go out there) Connie and I had to physically drag her in. She was picking up roofing tacks. The man was trying to clean up but there were still guys on the roof. Anything could have happened like something falling off on her head. She was fighting us to stay out there.
The roofers are not coming tomorrow due to the forecasted rain, so Kerry told me to tell Moma that she has tomorrow off.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


Today my sitter got very angry with me and QUIT. Talk about shocked! I felt that she overreacted and got paranoid over something that wasn't that big a deal. I tried to talk to her but she kept walking away from me, then called me after she had been gone about an hour and QUIT! I feel like my face has been slapped. I will be the first to admit when I wrong someone (because I can be very critical and crude) but I did NOT do anything to merit this behavior.
I hate that she is angry with me.
I hate that she is in my Sunday School class and she may feel awkward around me.
I hate that she cannot see that what she is mad about wasn't worth quitting a job over.
I hate being in charge of adults.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Easter and a fist fight

Late Saturday evening, I was preparing the Easter baskets of my ADULT children who would be highly offended if their Easter basket wasn't filled (and they still expect Christmas pajamas), when Moma came up behind me. I had to slip hers into the large sack to hide it from her. She questioned what I was doing, and kept rambling through the candy. In her gruffest voice, she said, "Gimme some candy!" I turned to her and said, "You know the Easter Bunny might be bringing you some if you'd get out of here and stop being so nosy!" She mumbled something and teetered off.
She was up and down all night long. I caught her in my bathroom about midnight just rambling around on my counter. She claimed she left something in there. I ran her out kicking and screaming. I got NO sleep.
Sunday, we went to my in-laws for lunch. There is always tons of WONDERFUL food and Moma has to have a little of all of it. She is so greedy when it comes to dinners like that. I made her go sit on the porch with me for awhile, and then had Kerry load her in the car from the front porch so she would not walk past the food again. She sat on that porch in front of all Kerry's family and sang to the top of her lungs. "Oh what a beautiful morning....oh what a beautiful day....." I told them that Rebekah would be thrilled that she was singing a show tune (Oklahoma).
But I saved the best for last. After that LARGE meal, I wasn't ready for supper, but Kerry went to Hardee's and brought our supper home. Moma ate ALL her cheeseburger and within about 30 minutes of finishing wanted ice cream. She was up and down all night wanting more and more. I had just laid down when I heard her door open. Kerry said, "Do not let her have anything but water". He knows I am a sucker. I just obey her....it's easier. She wanted milk. Kerry told her no. She proceeded toward the kitchen and promised to go to bed as soon as she had a "sup". The next thing I knew Rebekah and Kerry and Moma were in a fist fight. Rebekah was pulling her and Moma was leaning toward the wall as far out as she could. If Bek had let her go, she'd fell into the wall. Kerry had to drag her to her room kicking and screaming. LOL! Glad it wasn't me.

Friday, April 2, 2010

A funeral and some real inappropriate behavior!

This morning I carried Moma to the funeral home for the visitation (before the funeral) of my Dad's cousin. She fussed and fumed. She didn't want to go! She didn't feel like it! She felt "worse than an ole devil". I made her get up and get dressed (which is quite a task).
We left the house with her usual antics of looking through every drawer, checking her "pocketbook". It's like she is afraid we will never be back, so she has to carry everything she might need. And then her consistent departing statement...."You'll have to hold on to me" (as if I didn't know). But all in all, she was fairly good, for awhile. The relatives all made over her and talked to her! She was IN HER ELEMENT! You know how she loves attention. One of the cousins was talking to her about her birthday and how old she would be when she proclaimed for the entire room "God is going to let me live to be a-hunderd!" (not if I am living right....). She was precious as always for everyone....she loves to show out for a crowd.
We left after about an hour of her cuteness. I asked her if she wanted me to take her to get something to eat. She said, "Can't we GO IN?" I said, "Well I guess so". We went to Dairy Queen. We ate our kids meal and I tore off the the coupon and told her that I was going to get me an ice cream and asked her if she wanted one. She said that she didn't think she wanted one. When I came back to the table with my Strawberry Cheesequake blizzard, she said, "Where's mine?" Ugh....
Then....she looked at me with that look like she has when she is about to say something totally inappropriate. "Julie......(uh oh, here it comes) that man over there by the window......is that a N&$$#@?" I nearly fell out. I looked at her in disbelief and said, "What?" (my first mistake) So, she repeated it! LOUDER! I gave her the death look and said, "Shhhhhh!! He is Black, yes. Do not use that word!" She said in her sarcastic tone, "I didn't say it loud enough for him to hear me! He's with a WHITE WOMERN!" It was Davine intervention that I allowed her to live. We began packing up her take home stuff that will sit in my refrigerator until I toss it, and she dropped the Ranch dressing (which she does not eat) and said "SHHHH-IIIITTTTTT!" She enunciated every single sound. How precious.
As I write, I am listening to her on the baby monitor cursing......randomly.