Payne Family Reunion

I think I have clarified this before, but for my newer readers....Moma was a Payne before she married. I am married to a Payne, but as far back as we know, there is no relation.Of course, I love the ancestry thing, so I realize that WAY back, there is a connection, but hey! too far to count. Anyway, this is Moma's family reunion.

Moma got up at the crack of dawn this morning. I purposely had not told her about the reunion so she wouldn't drive me crazy. But we swear she has radar, so she must have known something was up. I got her breakfast and she ate and began her usual hacking, coughing and hocking up junk. I ignored her because this is just what she does in the morning. Then she began to holler that she was bad sick and had to go to bed. I got her to her room, and she started puking. Nice visual for the a.m. I resolved that we would not be going to a reunion, and went back to lie down. Within 30 minutes, she was up, bossing and complaining. I heard her coming saying, "Where in the hell are they?" She wanted (wait on it) breakfast! I talked her out of it and offered her a banana. She ate it, very childlike, and said her head was crazy and she had to go lie down. I went ahead and sent my sister a text and said that we would probably not be at the reunion. She was carrying on like she had severe pain. I was almost fooled. I decided to go ahead and get myself ready and then try to convince her to go down there for a little while anyway. So, once I was dressed and ready, I went into her room and got out one of her new jackets and skirts. She looked up and said, "What's that for?" I told her that she could wear that to the reunion. She said, "I'm going just like I am". I nearly fainted. "You are?" She said, "Well, you're going like that, then I'm going like this" I was dressed in nice shorts. I gave in, "Okay". I grabbed the essentials and got her up. She asked, "Where are we going?" I said, "To the family reunion" She snarled her lip, "Shhiiiiit!" (nice). It took some doing but I finally got her in the car, all the time answering the same question and her response was likewise the same. We got to the venue, and the outside of it has a pavilion attached. There was a Black church having a picnic. "Good Lord! Am I related to all them niggers?" (Forgive me!) My sister met me and we threw her in the wheel chair and hustled her in the back door by the bathroom and drink machines. Of course, everyone came running to her and she was in her element. The royal smile, queenly nod of her head....it was a show to behold. These people, my relatives, have no clue what a 4 year old autistic child she is. They are talking "big talk" to her. She nods and smiles (has no clue what they said). Sherry fixed her plate and we got her settled. Now, I will be honest, she was in good company, so I left her totally in their care. I sat a mile from her and chatted with a cousin. I laughed and hugged necks and ate more than a grown woman should consume. My cousin and I critiqued the rest of the clan. It was already a full day. Sherry had Moma's food wrapped up for her "take home", but they were hollering for pictures. Moma nearly had a heart attack because I left her food on the table. I said, "My purse is there with it! It is fine!" But the whole time, she was craning her neck to see her plates (yes, with an S). After pictures, I asked her if she had enough to eat. Her response? "I haven't eaten a thing! When are we going to eat?" I laughed as a cousin walked up to her. She proceeded to tell him that I was trying to get her to leave without eating, but she wasn't going nowhere 'til they fed her. (Urge to kill) When we finally got ready to leave, she about drove me crazy about that dang food. Did I have it? Was it wrapped up? Did we leave any of it? I couldn't get her in the truck fast enough. ( I won't go into why I had to drag her 3 football fields to the truck because of Kerry's rude employee. He has NO clue that I am the first lady of Parks and Rec.) As I got into my truck, Christopher texted me to come get him at work (he has tire issues that are making me tired). So off we went. As we got close to the mall (and all the eating places), Moma requested a milkshake. So, in to Chik-Filet I pull. $5 later, we both had milkshakes (and I was already stuffed). We got to Belk's to get Christo and she kept asking stupid questions and I had a nature call. I was getting antsy, so I made Christopher drive home. MISTAKE. He made every fast turn, hit every bump, AND STOPPED AT JACKS FOR A BURGER! I ran in the house when we got home and left him to deal with her. Then I took a much needed nap. This is only Part One. Stay tuned for Part Two.