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Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Mildred the Menace

Little Dennis has nothing on Little Mildred.  She has been a pistol ball this week (and it is only Tuesday!) Let's see....what has she done?
  • She took her bionic arm (her cane for you newbies) and scraped the rust on my old milk can on the deck that we use to put umbrellas in. She scraped it so good, she knocked a huge hole in the side. When I questioned her, she responded, "I didn't do that!" Although I sat and watched her do it! I got her a broom and put her to sweeping up her little mess. She turned the can around so she couldn't see the hole.
  • I was reading the paper and she kept asking stupid questions about supper (at 2:00 in the afternoon) so I just ignored her. She took her bionic arm and jabbed the paper so hard it hit my face, while screaming "HEY!!!" The urge to kill was overwhelming.
  • She was rambling in everything and I was going to use  my diversion tool. I poured her a huge glass of chocolate milk and suggested she have it on the deck. She was delighted! She sat down and began using her bionic arm again to move something that in NO WAY affected her, and yes, you guessed it. The chocolate milk spilled! Precious. 
  • I caught her feeding coconut candy to the dogs. I asked her where she got it. She said, "Oh, I have had this". Later, I noticed that she had ripped open the new bag I had just bought and thrown it back up on the refrigerator. I am sure she used her bionic arm to get that down.
  • In front of my 12 year old great niece, she screamed "Why in the hell are those damn flags on?" She meant ceiling fans.
  • Saturday night Sherry brought her a BBQ sandwich. She loves them! She was so excited until Kerry brought in our supper. She pitched a bloody fit because he didn't bring her anything. 
  • Sunday night, we got Jefferson's take-out. Everyone ordered something different. I split my chicken finger basket with her. She pitched a fit (a) because she didn't get a whole order and (b) because Christopher wouldn't give her a chicken wing. Then she screamed at Kerry because he was fussing at her and she said, "Well look what you've got! I didn't get that much!" But she would NOT eat it if we had given it to her. UGH! She is a 4 year old!
  • This morning, I fixed her breakfast because she cannot wait (oatmeal) but I made strawberry muffins for Erin and me. I had planned on giving Mildred one if she wanted it. When I put 2 on my plate and 2 on Erin's plate, I gave her 1. Normally, she'd want me to cut that in half. She responded, "Oh I guess I don't get 2". Then while I was getting out the butter to slather them up (yum), she said, "Put some butter on mine" before I even had it out good. Patience is a virtue that Mildred has never possessed. 
So, today, I am going to try to endure everything she dishes out. I'll just dream of August 10th when I go back to school! 

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