Worthless

3:00 am

I never heard the THUD!
I never heard the screams of fear and agnony.
I awoke to my husband saying, "She fell, she fell! Julie! Moma fell!!"
My heart was racing as I flung back the covers, and stumbled out of bed to race to her room (hobbling because my legs were still in bed asleep), blind, because my glasses were resting on the night stand, and having just woke up hadn't really any focus yet.

She sat on the side of her bed crying; wailing.....
She had picked herself up out of the cold floor.
Her knee was skinned, and arm scraped and bruised, but her face....
oh, her face was bruised badly under her eye, and her nose was cut.
There was blood, not a great amount but more than I wanted to see.
Her eye was swelling, and blood running from her cuts. We tended to the cuts and put ice on her eye, but I held her. All I could do was hold her. She cried.....

After settling her down, I put her back to bed, and returned to my bed, shaken. My husband said, "Did you give her Tylenol?" Oh my gosh, I am worthless.....that had never occurred to me. I got up and got her a Tylenol and took it to her. I got back into bed and laid awake reflecting on the total worthlessness of me as a caretaker.

How sad. How scary....