Trip Trap Trip Trap

Today, she looks like a troll. Well, I am not sure if she is a "3 Billy Goats Gruff" troll or just a troll doll. But it has really been a "Monster-in-law" Day. You remember how Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez would have visions of doing a deed to the other one and you never knew for sure if it was happening until it was over?? Well, I have had visions of shoving her down the den steps (it's only 2 for pity's sake) and doing a shaken-baby number on her. She has been a pistol ball today. Oh let me start at the beginning....
This morning, at 7:37, the princess woke me up coming down the hall. She stopped in the study and opened the dogs' crates and let them out (a big time NO NO). I jumped up out of bed and scolded her. She said, "What's the matter with you?" EEOOOOOOWWWW! I was so mad! If you know me, you know that I do NOT talk in the mornings! She started rattling and asking asinine questions. Rebekah had gotten roses for her performance the night before (sidebar: She is in Sweeney Todd at JSU) and "Busy Busy" was messing with the flowers. She kept saying, "There ain't no coffee??" over and over. I finally screeched at her, "I JUST GOT UP! YOU WOKE ME UP!! I HAVEN'T FIXED IT YET". She said, "You needn't to get so excited". That was one of the times I wanted to shake her til her dentures fell out. Yes, I am an adult but I don't do morning.
It was my Sunday to go to church, but Rebekah had left me a note saying that I could not go, as I had to roll her hair for the matinee performance and she had to be there by 12:00 noon. (sigh) I love my Sunday to go to church. Okay, suck it up, I told myself. Keep in mind that Moma is still talking....talking.....talking.
After she ate, she got up and went to her room. She stayed a good while, but when she came out, she had on another robe and gown. When I asked her why she changed clothes, she said, "I put on something warm". Mind you, she had on a winter gown and robe before. I said, "I just washed that and you need a bath. You shouldn't have changed clothes until you get your bath". She said, "Oh I'm not getting a bath today. I don't feel like it". UGH! I said, "Yes, you need one, you smell bad". She snarled her nose and said, "You stink, you stink! That is all y'all say" (which is NOT true). She won that battle today. NO bath. I just didn't have the energy to fight her. She went back to bed to "prove" to me she felt so bad. (Fine by me, I thought)
When she came out after that nap, she had on.....yes, you guessed.....another clean robe and gown. Aikkk! I wanted to throttle her. God, who has a sense of humor, reminded me of a famous statement I made in 1992 about my friend's little boy, Brandon. I said to her, "I'd beat my child if he changed clothes as much as Brandon! Doesn't that drive you crazy??" Then Rebekah grew up, and wore 45 outfits per day, and God said, "What?" and I said, "Okay Lord, maybe I was a little hard on Brandon", but He wasn't through. He sent me Moma. So I wash relatively clean clothes because I never know if they have REALLY been worn or if they were just tried on (both Moma's and Rebekah's). HA HA! I get it Lord. Don't sweat the small things....I get it.
I know this is a long post but I have a lot to say today because she has nearly made me crazy today.
When Kerry got home, she had already been driving me crazy about supper. She started on him. "What we gone eat Kerry?" "You gone go get us something?" "Get us something good Kerry" He sent me! As I started out the door, he said, "Take her, she is driving me crazy!" So I did. She never shut her mouth the entire round trip! When we pulled up to Dairy Queen, after some conversation, she decided she wanted a hamburger. I told her I wanted chicken fingers. She said, "Well order an extra and give it to me, I'll pay you". I told her NO that she had to make a decision and stick with it. There will be no sharing food!! So, she decided she wanted a hamburger. She asked what I was ordering Kerry, I said, "a cheeseburger" She asked, "What's the difference between a cheeseburger and a hamburger?" (sigh..............) There was so much more lunacy, but I am worn out just reporting what I did. But I did want to share this picture. Take a look at a typical meal with her. See why I am broke.
I can't afford to pay my bills because I have to keep her in napkins.