Spilled Tea and a new hair do

Tonight Moma knocked her FULL tea glass across the table while she was reading the paper. After I cleaned up her mess, I was reminded of another time she was reading the paper. One Mother's Day, she was sitting in our recliner reading the paper while the entire extended family on BOTH sides was here for an annual cook-out (which is now defunct as of this year). Anyway, she would read a section, fold it and place it on the table next to her. However, she had not noticed the candle on that table. Yes, you guessed it. She put it on the candle. Kerry started hollering and grabbed it from her and headed out the door. She had NO CLUE the paper in her hand was on fire. She was a little insulted when he jerked it from her hand. lol She is somebody to know...........
Today was beauty shop day. It looks really nice, but it won't last. She'll wallow around and have it torn up before tomorrow. But...she has a clean head and she loves to go to the beauty shop because they pet her and she gets to visit. To each his own. If I could get my hair done myself, I'd never go again. I hate it.
Note: I am in denial. Sunday is NOT my birthday. I am NOT 50 years old.....yet.

Short and Sweet

This post is short and sweet....
One more day like the past 2 and one of us is moving out, AND IT AIN'T ME!!!!!!!!!!
I am worn out. She has been impossible since Friday evening. I'll post more when it's funny. Give it a few days to cool off. AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Y'all come back now, ya hear?

Remember the Beverly Hillbillies? Remember how Ellie Mae had her "critters"? Okay, do you remember Bessie, the chimp? Bessie was a little mischievous. I remember all this so well, because I now live with Bessie the Chimp. Today has been one of those days that I dread like a root canal.
She awoke at 7ish "clicking" through the house. That dang cane clicks so loud sometimes. I tried playing sleep, but after her third round through my bedroom, I got up. Once again, I remind you....I do not talk in the mornings for at least one hour. She starts, "Could I have a cup of coffee??" I begin fixing it, even before my Diet Dr. Pepper! But still, no talking. She asks again, "Hon, may I have a cup of coffee?" "imfixnit" I mumble. "What???" she says. I just continue with no response. She lays her head on the table and falls in and out of sleep. I decide to go ahead and make her oatmeal. (Note: if she'd have let me get up first and gotten awake, I'd have made muffins) She jumped and hollered when I closed the pantry door. I am not affected in the least. She begins to apologize for waking me up. I mumble, "okay", but continue moving like a robot. That isn't enough....she says it over and over. "Honey, I'm sorry. I hate to wake anybody up". "Forgive me, hear? (actually comes out he-uhn)" Still, I am nodding and getting her breakfast ready. "What's today?" she asks. "Where's Kerry?" "Where's Becky?" She was so confused. She thought it was like 4 in the afternoon because it was so dark and dreary out. Then....then...she got into my crochet thread. She rambled through my mail. She opened Christopher's package from NSA. I thought she was going to wear his cap (umpire). She got into the "yard sale" stuff. Finally, she went to the couch and sat for a few minutes. Then she got into Rebekah's things (posters and such from plays). She opened my china cabinet. She rearranged my "whatnots" as she calls them in the living room. I went into her room to put up laundry, and found that she had taken my sewing and craft things and put them all over her room. Now she'll take your things in a heartbeat if she so desires. She has been BUSY BUSY BUSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At supper tonight, she asked Rebekah if she'd gained weight. Rebekah just said that she had to shut her up (she hoped). Then she said, "Well I knew you didn't use to be so fat." PRECIOUS BESSIE PRECIOUS!!! She may be bound for the nursing home if I have to endure another day like today!

The Doctor's Office

OH MY GOSH! I took Moma to the doctor Tuesday. I really wish I could share with you what all she did in there, but my mother would roll over in her grave. So, if you know me, call me or better yet...see me in person and I'll act it out!! LOL She did have another UTI, so we are on medicine. Fun!!
She has been extremely confused and cloudy. She came into the kitchen and told me she was too sick to come to the table for supper. Yet she walked to the kitchen to tell me that. lol I told her I'd help her.
Next weekend, I am sneaking away for my birthday weekend! Shhhhh......

Hey Lady, can I buy a Tylenol?

Hooo boy, she is losing it. Lately, she has talked really crazy! Last night, she came into my bedroom as Kerry slept and I read. She was "looking for something she left in there". Yeah...then she turned to me and said, "That was nice of you to let them have that here". I said, "What??" She said, " You know, that...(mumble mumble)(random hand motions)". Then she asked, "Will you be at work when I get up tomorrow?" I told her that I would. Then she said, while tapping on my night stand, "I've enjoyed being with you again." It was all I could do to not laugh right in her face.
Then tonight, while we were watching the news, she entered the den and said, "Hey aanniiee....HEY LADY! Have you got a tylenol that I could buy?" Welcome to my life under the big top! Bears on bicycles, clowns in cars and Mildred in the center ring.

A funny moment

Today Rebekah and I had to go to the dermatologist in Birmingham. She reminded me of a hysterical Moma moment from the past. We all used to go to another dermatologist at Medical Center East so I made all our appointments together. One summer day, we all had appointments and they put us in the same room. Rebekah was in the chair and Moma was waiting. She looked down at my feet and said, "What 'chu wearing a rang on yore toe for?" I said, "I just like to". She said, "Well today is so different. I don't like to see men wearing earbobs and necklaces." I was just giving her my "yeah-yeah" routine, and not paying much attention to what she was saying. By the time I realized what she was talking about it was too late. The next thing I heard was "We had a name for that in my day.....IT WAS QUEER!" i nearly died! I said, "Shhhhhhhhhhhh, don't say that!" I could hear the nurses outside the room laughing. I know everybody heard it.
As I write this, she is sleep talking. She must be worried about children or something. She keeps saying something about "keeping your eye on them", but she also just bellowed out "Let me out!" So who knows what ride little Mildred is on now.

Sunday is bath day

I had a major melt down today. It's been awhile since I had a major one. I've had little melt downs, but today was seriously major! However, thanks to my "anti-freak-out" medicine, I made it. I say this to explain that EVERYTHING got on my nerves. Everything made me crazy. But particularly Moma. She was brand new.
After lunch it was bath time. She saw me down the hall putting her bath chair into the bathroom. As I approached her down the hall, she growled, "What do you want?" I told her it was time for a bath,and she began the routine. "Please don't make me take a bath today. I don't feel like it". "I just had a bath" "Well, wait until my food digests, here?" "I ain't ready" and on and on. I go back to start her water, and when I return, she is on the deck with a wadded up napkin full of breadcrumbs ready to feed the cats, dogs, birds, anything that moves. After I wrestled it out of her hands, Kerry came and ran her back in the house. She looked at me and said, "I wish you wouldn't be so hateful". Of course, I did threaten to knock her out while wrestling with her, but I say that to everyone. I finally got her rusty butt in the tub. As always, the water temp. was not to her liking (it never has been). Then all of a sudden, as if this were her first bath, she said, "This chair is gonna fall with me". I reminded her that I was going to change her bed for her to NOT stand up until I get back. After changing her bed,I came in to find her standing. The bathroom was 110 degrees because of the little space heater I have to run or she tries to die. I ripped the plug out of the wall as sparks flew. She is washing body parts over and over, and saying "I need you to wash my back" It wouldn't matter if I washed it or not. She forgets what she's washed. She continues soaping her cloth and I am draining the tub. I tell her to stop that she has already washed everything but she insists. She re-washes her face after she has washed south of there. (Gag)There is no stopping her. I just drain the tub and hope she will stop. I rinsed her with a cup and she screeched "Don't wet my hair!" Yes, because it is so nicely fixed, I think to myself. Getting her out is equally taxing. She acts like we have never done this before. She dries her legs while standing up. How she keeps from falling over, I'll never know. She bosses me "Get me some Arrid" "Have you got any lotion?" On and on and on.... She continues to boss. At this point, I have stripped off to my underwear because I am almost 50 and I am burning up, and I want to kill her!!! And then when it is all over and done with, my sweet adoring husband said, "I wish you'd get in a better mood"