Again?

She fell again.

How much longer can this go on? She is so feeble.

This is not my sassy little grandmother! NO! I refuse to believe she knows what is going on. My grandmother would die if she didn't bathe every day, or brush her teeth several times a day, or have sparkling clean clothes. My grandmother paid $75 for a pair of shoes that didn't match ANYTHING she owned, then bought the purse to match. She planned her outfits around her shoes and purses! Now, that is what I'm talking about. By the way, the $75 shoes were bought in the late 70's, so today......wow! She had taste!

When I was a little girl, I would go with my grandmother to visit the sick from her church. I remember this one little lady who always had money tied up in a handkerchief. She would always give me a dime. Now even then, a dime didn't mean much to me, but looking back, I see that she had a giving spirit not seen much today. My Moma was a servant. She visited the sick, carried little old women to church, paid her tithes and then some, and did whatever she could for God. She even promised God that if he would let her get her driver's license, she'd dedicate it to His service. AND SHE DID! Now, don't paint this dark and ask what her church is doing for her. I'd have to answer "not one thing". Par....

I love my Moma, but I have lost the real Moma. This empty tent that lives in my house is smelly, and senile, unpleasant most of the time, and miserable. I never want to hear again what a blessing it is to live to be that old, it isn't.

She is due her glorified body!

Time, time, who's got time?

Whew!!!!!!!

It's Tuesday, and my paper is due Thursday. Then I have a proposal due, and another paper due, oh and another one that hasn't even been assigned yet!!!!!! And, I need to read 3 articles so I can do a posting on eLearning. AUGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

She doesn't understand. She thinks she is in the way. She thinks that no one wants her here!
NOTHING COULD BE FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH!!!!!!!! We are busy people. We run here and there, and back here again. Everyone has their own agendas and deadlines. No one thinks she is in the way. I feel so bad.

Should I drop all my classes for next semester? I don't know what to do.

Worthless

3:00 am

I never heard the THUD!
I never heard the screams of fear and agnony.
I awoke to my husband saying, "She fell, she fell! Julie! Moma fell!!"
My heart was racing as I flung back the covers, and stumbled out of bed to race to her room (hobbling because my legs were still in bed asleep), blind, because my glasses were resting on the night stand, and having just woke up hadn't really any focus yet.

She sat on the side of her bed crying; wailing.....
She had picked herself up out of the cold floor.
Her knee was skinned, and arm scraped and bruised, but her face....
oh, her face was bruised badly under her eye, and her nose was cut.
There was blood, not a great amount but more than I wanted to see.
Her eye was swelling, and blood running from her cuts. We tended to the cuts and put ice on her eye, but I held her. All I could do was hold her. She cried.....

After settling her down, I put her back to bed, and returned to my bed, shaken. My husband said, "Did you give her Tylenol?" Oh my gosh, I am worthless.....that had never occurred to me. I got up and got her a Tylenol and took it to her. I got back into bed and laid awake reflecting on the total worthlessness of me as a caretaker.

How sad. How scary....

Cranky and Just Plain Mean

Today has not been the best day to spend with Moma. It started with her waking me up to empty her garbage can! Oh yes.....it was an urgent "must do" I suppose, then she pestered me until I went to the bank to get her some cash because, oh I don't know, the bank might fail tomorrow. Ridiculous....then I wouldn't take her to her house to pick up pecans. She argued, "It's such a beautiful day!" and it is 43 degrees and windy out there too, hard head. She kept this act up until bedtime. She made me mad at her, then she ticked Christopher off. We finally encouraged her to tuck in early. Wow, I cannot say enough about how unruly and ill mannered she has been all day. I refuse to list each thing she did, but I will mention the one that topped it off with me. SHE THREW FRENCH FRIES AT ME AT SUPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She said, "I don't want these".
Will I survive the Moma campaign? Get your money ready, I feel an office pool getting started.

Happy Turkey Day!!!

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!

I let Moma sleep late today. She didn't eat breakfast until 9:30! I wanted her to watch the parade with me, but she wasn't really interested. She wants the TV up loud (I am talking deafening loud), but when I turn it up, she begins to talk to me. I get so exasperated with her, but I know she cannot help it.

My sister had planned to come and get her to spend the day with them. They don't have Thanksgiving dinner until night time, so she thought Moma would enjoy being in the kitchen with her while she prepared the food. (I am not so sure about that) I ended up having to take her up there around 11:15 as we went to my in-laws for Thanksgiving at the Paynes!

When we got home and while she was away, we rearranged the den for the Christmas tree, and moved Moma out into a bedroom. I went to her house and got her coffee table to go by the futon for her, and a small table for her pictures. I just want her to feel at home here. I brought her Bible, some family pictures, her personal items, and some more robes.

Needless to say, they brought her home right smack in the middle of Grey's Anatomy!!!!!!!! (augh!) She had a fit! I knew she was unhappy about the move, but old people (and me) do not handle change very well. She had to plunder and piddle over everything to make sure we hadn't screwed anything up (lol). I laugh but I am very "grabby" about my things. So, I totally understand. (Note to self: make notice of other like traits, I think I am Moma, Jr.). She was finally ok with the move, but her mind began to wander. I knew when she found out we'd been to her house, she would start thinking. Now, I have just finished a 30 minute one sided conversation about dividing up her things, but letting her go down there and look over her "place" first.

I know we will eventually have to do something with the house, but she has lived there since she was SEVEN years old!!!!!!!!! Wow! That is 87 years! (right? I am math challenged) My daddy was born in that house. My kids were 3 and 8 months inutero when we moved here. Wonder who'll be here when they are 94? I know I'll be here 'til I die. To most people, theirs is just a house that they live in. Mine is a home that has a history.

Who all's coming?

Today Moma has asked me a million times "Where are we going to eat Thanksgiving dinner?" and "When is Thanksgiving?"

I took her to the beauty shop this morning and they pampered and petted her rotten. They fix her a snack and keep her drinking coffee. They hug and kiss her when she gets there and when she leaves. They must know that we have toted this little woman around on a pillow for years. Once a princess, always a princess. Her hair looked sooooo much better than yesterday when she declared that she didn't need to go to the beauty shop.

When we got home, she wanted to go out to eat, because she is accustomed to my sister taking her to lunch and Wal-Mart on Wednesdays (the usual beauty shop day). My son and I took her to Uncle Sam's to eat. There were a couple of people in there that knew her, so again she is showered with affection and attention. We sat down and she said "Who was that woman? and who is her mother? She said her mother misses me. I don't know her mother." Her mother is the ONLY person from her church who has paid her any attention since she has gotten so feeble. She comes by periodically and goes to the store for her, or just visits her. God will richly bless this little woman.

After lunch, I am thinking that she is worn out and will nap the afternoon away. Oh no......she is wide awake. She follows me around, and picks and pokes in everything. I go to the bathroom to give the dog a bath (hubby will have to bathe the other one), and here she comes. She turned over my HUGE drink while messing through my things. I'm telling you, it is like having my daughter as a little girl all over again. She was a messer! And obviously she got it honestly!

She finally laid down for a bit, and I got on the computer to check my email. She came in and said, "Are we going to eat supper?" It was 3:45. Her time management is not working properly (along with many other things). When I do start to fix supper, she comes in to "help" (notice my tongue in my cheek?). Out of the clear blue sky, we have this conversation:
Moma: Who are you cooking for?
Me: my family
Moma: I know that but who all's coming?
Me: Who all's coming where?
Moma: to supper
Me: Moma, just my family!
Moma: Well, who all is in your family?
Me: (after a moment to collect my thoughts) You know, you live with us, you tell me. Who are they?
Moma: All I ever see is your husband and that boy that's been here with me all day.
Me: Moma, that boy is your great grandson. Do you not remember my daughter?
Moma: I don't know what is wrong with me. I think I am going crazy!

Now, God love her! She knows that what she is saying is wrong, and totally off the mark. How sad. If you are a praying person, please pray for my grandmother's peace of mind. To have totally lost it is one thing, but to come and go must be torture.

On a funny note, the dogs were playing chase through the house, and one of them ran up onto the couch, right in the middle of her stomach while she was dozed off. She hollared, then looked down at him, and said, "Buddy, you do that again, and I'll knock the crap outta you!".
That's my Moma!

Greetings from the Looney Bin

Today has been Looney Tunes day. She was supposed to have a beauty shop appointment today, but she said she didn't need to go. Now, mind you, this hair is all over the place, but she doesn't need to go. I called the girl who does her hair, and she said that was fine, but if she changed her mind, she could come tomorrow. The day went south fast!

I am in the process of setting up a bedroom for her in my house, so I had much to do today, as I want to have at least one of my Christmas trees up by this weekend because I have 2 papers and a proposal to turn in very soon. She was in my way, asking inappropriate questions, going through things, etc. She was very "4 year old" like today. While I was vacuuming her room, she held up her comb, and said, "Brush my hair". I said that I would after I finished, but she seems to have forgotten how tender headed she is, a comb will NEVER do.

She took a short nap and I was able to get some laundry done. Also, while she slept, I went and got our lunch. She woke and ate, and was as lost as a goose. I talked her into taking a bath. Wow! I thought that would make her feel better! When I was a little girl, I can remember her bathing in a big claw foot tub full of water to the top! She loved her bath, and I do too! I know I learned to appreciate the therapy of a bath from her. Sorry about the flashback. I watched her soap herself 3 times in every area of her body. She had me scrub her back twice. She is really itching lately with her psoriasis, so I thought a bath would help. When I finally got her out and dressed, she started saying, "I don't feel right". She never could describe it but began to shake and moan. (Don't panic, she is and has always been a Broadway drama queen!) She prayed awhile, then she asked me to pray over her. She wanted the preacher called to pray. I gave her 1/2 of her "little nerve pill". When I left for class, she was dozing off.

I got home around 9ish, she was up and about, acting as normal as could be. She is usually asleep by this time, but she claimed that no one had fed her supper, so I fixed her something (only to find out that was not true). She finally laid down. I hope tomorrow is better. I am the only one in this house with a license for CrAzY!