Where do I begin?

To say that Moma was bad this Christmas is an understatement. I posted on Facebook that some Christmases are by far better than others, but this would not be one of those. She has worked every nerve in my being. She has had every emotion and attitude possible. That may be the best way to begin.

Pity Party:
She began throwing her own pity party about a week before Christmas. "You gone have a big Christmas?" she would ask anyone who would listen. No matter their answer, she would respond with her nonsense about not having Christmas at all. She didn't have "no money" to buy anyone anything. (I bought gifts from her to everyone this year, wrapped them and handed them out. She bought gifts.) Because of her, I was in the midst of my own pity party but she kept crashing my party with hers. Please don't take this lightly. This was an everyday, every hour conversation. She also whined about wishing somebody loved her. She was not referring to us. She wants a MAN. She told me so.

Confusion:
"Hey Lady......"
"What day is this? (the answer) Whaaaaaaaaat???"
"Can I get something to eat? I haven't had anything to eat all day." (only 6 meals a day + snacks)
The nurse asked her what her father's name was. Her answer? "Jack" The truth? Cicero
"I can't find my teeth" (They are in your pocket, and why are you taking them out?)
"When is Christmas?"
"When was Christmas?" I said, "yesterday". "Yesterday? Well, I didn't know it! That's a fine way to represent Jesus' birthday! I didn't even get no presents". (because that honors Jesus)
"Why can't I feed this to the dog?"
"Julie, did you ever marry?"

Bossiness:
She  has told me how to do everything I have attempted in front of her. She is an expert on cooking, wrapping gifts, tying bows, (you already know she is a Christmas tree expert), cleaning house, YOU NAME IT!

Crabbiness:
I already reported her complaining about Joe and Wanda not putting money in her Christmas card.
She has not had any food worth eating.
We "hannel" her too rough. (if she only knew....)
She is freezing to death.
I had to fight her at the table Christmas night over my mother-in-law's white cranberry-walnut fudge.
She told Rebekah and me to cram it up our asses (in front of the whole family). Kerry intervened.

And to be disgusting for just a moment, she has wet her bed for an all time winning streak. I cannot tell you how many times we have changed her bed and her clothes. I cannot keep up with the laundry. Our clothes never get washed because I am constantly doing her laundry. Kerry is about to fire me as his wife because he needs colored socks (and has for weeks), but I am washing her clothes so much that I don't even care if our clothes get washed. AND the really precious thing is you have to run her clothes through the wash twice because the smell is so pungent that one wash doesn't get rid of it. How disgusting is that? I am almost done. She is going to outlive me.