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Monday, December 10, 2007

Like having twins

Imagine that you have twins, about 4 years old, and autistic. That would be almost as exasperating as my life. Now, I am not being flippant about autism. I know autism. And I can only imagine a mother of autistic twins feelings, because I am so exhausted sometimes that I want to cry. Then when I tell Kelli or other friends about the events of the night before, all we can do is laugh. I thank God for giving me a sense of humor. I live in a circus with autistic 4 year old twins. Momaw is busy, busy, busy! Last night I heard her in the bedroom banging something against the back of the door. The door was closed. I sprinted down the hall and opened the door. She had the curtain rod trying to get Rebekah's formals off the back of the door. I said, "What are you doing?" She said, "I want these down, they're not mine, and I can't close my door." AUGH!!!!! I said, "I don't have any where else to hang them, leave them alone and I'll move them somewhere else tomorrow." She said, "I want them moved NOW". I grit my teeth and do what she wants me to, even though I think it is totally stupid. Now that she has her way, she goes back to bed.
THEN at 4:00am, she is up rearranging everything in her room. She has moved things off my sewing machine, and shelves. I'll never find anything. I couldn't go back to sleep, so I just got up. She hoards stuff in her drawers. She found a dish towel that her mother had crocheted around that she had given me when I got married. She said, "This is Momma's! What are you doing with it?" Like she had caught me stealing it. That will be the next thing she stashes away in her top drawer. It's funny but it is so sad too. I can look into her eyes and see my grandmother, but the rest is a stranger.
Old age sucks.

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