Meal times

Mealtimes are like working a job. I know I've whined, and complained about this before. Preparing a meal means that not only am I working with food, I am intercepting help from the Precious Princess. She wants to stand under my arm pit while I cook. She has special advise for me, such as "You're peeling half that potato away" or "That ain't enough oil". She constantly says, "Do you need me to do anything?" Now, I know what you are thinking....Give her something to do. You don't know her well. She doesn't want to peel potatoes or grate cheese or do anything that I ask her to do. She wants to stand under my arm pit and be my special advisor and critic. Finally after being told no several times to her offers of help, she'll say, "Do you wish I'd get out of yore way?" And although I want to scream, "Yes, Yes, a thousand times YES!" I smile and say, "Your not in my way". She'll start out of the kitchen, and turn back to offer her services just once more. When assured that I don't need her, she reminds me where her room is so that we can call her for supper. Whew! I've got a minute of peace. As we start setting the table and getting ready to eat, either she is already on her way or I send for her. She comes into the kitchen telling me that I have put too much food on her plate or what she wants on her plate. Next item on the meal time agenda: put the dogs in isolation. Either they go into the den with the gate, their crates or out on the deck. Why you ask? So she doesn't feed them everything on the table. Think we're set? Not hardly. She must have everything in place before I sit down. Then we all sit hunkered over our plates because at any minute, she may toss an unwanted item from her plate to ours or take something off our plates. And, precious, she will cough like she has TB all over the table and NEVER cover that mouth. Sweet. She uses at least 12-14 napkins per meal. And she'll blow her nose at the table. Sadly, I admit, I have done this all my life, and now I know why, I was raised at her table. Must have been acceptable at her house. Okay, meal time is winding down. She wants more tea. Everyone is finished and have placed their plates on the counter or in the sink (some are cleaner than others). She is still dragging out her meal. She thinks she'll be able to sneak food for the dogs, so she watches us closely. When she thinks we aren't watching, she opens a napkin and puts bites of food in it and wads it up and puts it in her housecoat pocket. YES THIS IS EVERY MEAL! Then one of us will wrestle it out of her hot little hands. And she will say, "Y'all beat anything I ever saw", and we say, "yeah yeah", and she prisses off to her room to watch Wheel of Fortune because we have convinced her that it only comes on in her room on her TV. I sigh in relief, another meal over and no one had to die.

Sleep talking

Kerry and I are listening to the baby monitor tonight. We went to the funeral home to say farewell to Kerry's Uncle Wes who is now WHOLE again. Remember his aunt Othell in your prayers. Moma is talking 100 miles an hour. It is so funny because she is apparently helping someone move. She keeps saying, "We'll help you load it" She said, "Get it....Get all your stuff!" Then she gets excited and says, "GET IT GET IT GET IT!!" She'll slap her legs and just laugh!! But then....it got really quiet. Kerry said, "Here she comes". She came down to the den and stood in the door grunting. Then mumbled something to herself and started back down the hall. We waited to hear her on the monitor, but didn't so I got up just as she was stealing a 3 inch stack of my PUFFs tissue. I reached over her shoulder and snatched them out of her little hand and said, "You have kleenex in your room,leave mine alone!" She steals mine all the time when she has a HUGE box in her room. She started jerking and twisting and flipping....I know I startled her but dang...then little precious whispered, "I'm getting these for someone else." I said, "Moma, there is no one else in your room" She said, "Yes, that womern down there is using MINE!" I twirled her around and sent her marching to her room. She is down there now just grunting away. Nothing funny yet, but I will update if she does anything else. I'm so glad she came to entertain! (that is the only way I can look at it without stabbing myself in the eye!) Sigh..........

We have movement...

Thank God for Aloe Vera! We have movement, need I say more?

This is Mildred

Tonight while I was in the bathtub, as usual, the door opened a crack, and I hear "Hey...Hey....Lady....you got anything to make my bowels move?" Precious. I told her that when I got out of the bathtub, I'd get her something. She said, "Okay...and...this is Mildred" Oh, okay, like I didn't know. So precious.

Gave up

Blogger lost its mind and would not let me post the picture. So here it is! Continue reading....

Trip Trap Trip Trap

Today, she looks like a troll. Well, I am not sure if she is a "3 Billy Goats Gruff" troll or just a troll doll. But it has really been a "Monster-in-law" Day. You remember how Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez would have visions of doing a deed to the other one and you never knew for sure if it was happening until it was over?? Well, I have had visions of shoving her down the den steps (it's only 2 for pity's sake) and doing a shaken-baby number on her. She has been a pistol ball today. Oh let me start at the beginning....
This morning, at 7:37, the princess woke me up coming down the hall. She stopped in the study and opened the dogs' crates and let them out (a big time NO NO). I jumped up out of bed and scolded her. She said, "What's the matter with you?" EEOOOOOOWWWW! I was so mad! If you know me, you know that I do NOT talk in the mornings! She started rattling and asking asinine questions. Rebekah had gotten roses for her performance the night before (sidebar: She is in Sweeney Todd at JSU) and "Busy Busy" was messing with the flowers. She kept saying, "There ain't no coffee??" over and over. I finally screeched at her, "I JUST GOT UP! YOU WOKE ME UP!! I HAVEN'T FIXED IT YET". She said, "You needn't to get so excited". That was one of the times I wanted to shake her til her dentures fell out. Yes, I am an adult but I don't do morning.
It was my Sunday to go to church, but Rebekah had left me a note saying that I could not go, as I had to roll her hair for the matinee performance and she had to be there by 12:00 noon. (sigh) I love my Sunday to go to church. Okay, suck it up, I told myself. Keep in mind that Moma is still talking....talking.....talking.
After she ate, she got up and went to her room. She stayed a good while, but when she came out, she had on another robe and gown. When I asked her why she changed clothes, she said, "I put on something warm". Mind you, she had on a winter gown and robe before. I said, "I just washed that and you need a bath. You shouldn't have changed clothes until you get your bath". She said, "Oh I'm not getting a bath today. I don't feel like it". UGH! I said, "Yes, you need one, you smell bad". She snarled her nose and said, "You stink, you stink! That is all y'all say" (which is NOT true). She won that battle today. NO bath. I just didn't have the energy to fight her. She went back to bed to "prove" to me she felt so bad. (Fine by me, I thought)
When she came out after that nap, she had on.....yes, you guessed.....another clean robe and gown. Aikkk! I wanted to throttle her. God, who has a sense of humor, reminded me of a famous statement I made in 1992 about my friend's little boy, Brandon. I said to her, "I'd beat my child if he changed clothes as much as Brandon! Doesn't that drive you crazy??" Then Rebekah grew up, and wore 45 outfits per day, and God said, "What?" and I said, "Okay Lord, maybe I was a little hard on Brandon", but He wasn't through. He sent me Moma. So I wash relatively clean clothes because I never know if they have REALLY been worn or if they were just tried on (both Moma's and Rebekah's). HA HA! I get it Lord. Don't sweat the small things....I get it.
I know this is a long post but I have a lot to say today because she has nearly made me crazy today.
When Kerry got home, she had already been driving me crazy about supper. She started on him. "What we gone eat Kerry?" "You gone go get us something?" "Get us something good Kerry" He sent me! As I started out the door, he said, "Take her, she is driving me crazy!" So I did. She never shut her mouth the entire round trip! When we pulled up to Dairy Queen, after some conversation, she decided she wanted a hamburger. I told her I wanted chicken fingers. She said, "Well order an extra and give it to me, I'll pay you". I told her NO that she had to make a decision and stick with it. There will be no sharing food!! So, she decided she wanted a hamburger. She asked what I was ordering Kerry, I said, "a cheeseburger" She asked, "What's the difference between a cheeseburger and a hamburger?" (sigh..............) There was so much more lunacy, but I am worn out just reporting what I did. But I did want to share this picture. Take a look at a typical meal with her. See why I am broke.
I can't afford to pay my bills because I have to keep her in napkins.

Milk of Mag

Let's just say that we have had a "problem" the last few days and anything said about it would be too much information. Hopefully, we are on the mend. Calling the doctor is no help. They have no compassion on her or me! What did they recommend? Milk of Magnesia! With no details, it multiplies the problem to the 25th power. UGH!
She is also still on the money kick. She asked me today, "Can't you just let me have a little bit of MY money?" How sad. I can't imagine not being in control anymore. But she gave me this cock and bull story about how she had promised this "womern" at her church (that she has not been to in 2 years) that she'd help out with this certain offering, but mind you...she couldn't give me any names or details. Totally inappropriate of me, but I reminded her that NO ONE from her church comes to see her, calls her or even sends her cards. She might have had 3 cards since she's been here over a year. She is the oldest living member of her church! But I digress...what I am trying to say is that she makes up stories for her convenience. When she couldn't give me a name or what the offering was all about, she said plainly...."I want some money!" lol Some things never change.