Yesterday I had lunch with a precious friend who fears Mildred. She fears her dying on her. She fears what she might say or do. But she also thinks Mildred is hilarious. I say all that to say that she understands that my life rarely is fun and she tries to do little things to "reward" me from time to time for my perseverance in all this madness. She cooked country fried steak, gravy, biscuits, and "mashed taters". We had such a nice visit. Then I had to come home to complete and total insanity. She was asleep when I got home, but soon I heard her rousing. She came into the kitchen asking that usual stupid question "Who's gone help me?" I tried to have a conversation with her but she couldn't hear me for the voices in her head apparently. She began to scream and carry on like a total imbecile. She asked me to call her daddy and ask him if he would take care of her. Then she told me to call Alene and ask her to take care of her (both dead, and Alene Butler would not consider taking care of my grandmother unless it was going to promote her or make her rich). She kept saying "I got to go to bed" and trying to get up but landing back in the chair. Finally, I got up and got her one of her new magic pills Dr. Robinson prescribed for her psychosis. She took it and began screaming (yes, screaming!) I sat back down to my paper I was writing. When she saw I was not going to be alarmed, she said, "I'll go out in the street. I'll get more help that way". She got up and headed toward her room (I thought) but detoured to the front door, opened it and began to scream "HELLLLLLP! Somebody HELLLLLP me!!" The urge to push her on out the door was fairly strong, but my next door neighbor is a cop, so nix that. I grabbed her and sat her fairly roughly on the sofa. She drew back her fist at me. I just took her walker, folded it up and took it to my room and closed the door. She began to wail like someone had shot her dog. "They've taken everything away from me. I can't get around. (long pause, change of voice) I'm gone find me something to get around with...." and with that she was up and back to her room. I expected more drama but by then the magic had taken effect, and the craziness was in voice alone. She talked a blue streak, but never got up until supper time.
Today, she has been bossy. She has told me how to do everything but take a breath. She woke me up bossing. I tried to change her sheets and before I could tuck the corners, she was telling me to tuck them. I'm sure the nurse's aid called DHR on her way out the door the way we were screaming at each other. I hate days like this. It seems like every time she would get settled, someone would come in. She finally got settled after her bath, when the chaplain came in. I know he has to come, but we are all Christians, who belong to a church with a pastor (even though hers doesn't know she's still alive). We have Bibles and we all have scripture hidden in our hearts. GRMC could save a dime in that area with us. ANYWAY....he came in and got her all stirred up. She puts on a good show for him. So I figured I'd feed her lunch while she was alert. Penny had made her some 15 Bean Soup, so I warmed that. She complained that I'd fixed too much but ate every bite! Christopher came up and wanted Subway, so I let him get me one too, knowing I'd have to give her part of it (even though she cannot eat them and complains when we get her one). When he got back, I had cleaned up her mess, and she was just sitting at the table. It was written all over her face....she was dying to say something. Christopher and I were mumbling to each other to watch her. I sat down with a knife, ready to cut her a bit of my sandwich. "WHERE'S MINE?" she demanded. I held up the knife, "I plan to cut you some", and with that I cut her a small section of my sub, put it on a napkin and put it in front of her. Immediately that lip curled up and she made some smart comment about starving to death over the small piece I cut her. Rage flew over me, and I shoved the whole sandwich at her! "Take the whole damn thing!" I shouted and walked out. Sometimes, I just want to walk out the door and never look back.
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