Lowlife Puke

Moma is in rare form. I hate her. These are just a few of the lovely things she has said today:

• "I think I'll get me an old man and marry 'im. Reckon I could?"
• (to the nurse) "Hey, when you come back, bring me a BIIIIIG box of Kleenex. I've asked and asked and nobody here will get me any. 'Course, they don't pay no 'tanechun (attention) to anything I say" 
• "Julie, did you ever get me any dry panties? (After I retrieve them.....I guess I sighed...) Lowlife Puke! They don't cost you nothing!"
• "Julie.....com'ere! Look at that tree. I has one big part at the bottom, but it branches off into 3 parts, like 3 trees! I ain't never seen one like that....have you?"
• "When you go to the store, get us some Kleenex! And don't just get one little box! Get me a biiiiiiiiiiiig box to go in my room! (pause) Get one to go up here in the kitchen too! (because I want you blowing your nose in my kitchen?) Hey....get us one for down there (my den) too! Here?"
• "I wish if it was gonna snow, it'd snow them big pretty flakes, not that fine little mist like it's a doing now. (not snowing or raining) And I don't want just a little, I want it to snow a LOT! (I reminded her that it had snowed 3 inches here) When? (I told her) How do YOU know?"
• "Hey....I been intendin' to ask you....what kin are you to me?" (great) 
• (looking at my '11 calendar where I marked her 98th birthday) "Two more years and I'll make it!" 

If I can trick someone into watching her, I'm going to my office and sit in silence.