Girls Movie Night

So last night I invited several of my girlfriends to come up for a chick flick festival, since Mr. Payne is a Christmas at the Falls full timer. I couldn't decide whether or not to prepare Moma for this little event. I decided to say something, but not make a big deal. She promised faithfully that she would not bother us and she would stay in her room and watch TV. HA!
No sooner had all the girls arrived (with their snacks in tow) then she appeared. Nosing into the food, asking for chocolate milk, and basically finding out what was going on was on her agenda. She got her milk and a piece of fudge. I stood in the doorway while she ate (because you cannot leave her in a room with food and animals). She growled, "Gimme another piece of fudge!" Without giving a play by play, just let me say that there were several episodes of her visiting the kitchen for snacks and being just plain nosy. Kelli helped out because she hated for them to be the reason I finally killed this old woman. She got her back to her room more than once. (She also brought her a Christmas present that had chocolate in it, and it will remain hidden Kelli, thanks)
The last time she presented herself to the group, we had finished the movie and had the TV off just chatting. She asked why the TV was off, and why we didn't go to bed. I tried to quietly say to her that I had company, but in her little smart defensive tone she screeched "No kidding!". Ugh! (Please note that at that very moment, I couldn't have hated her more) I got her some more chocolate milk and sat her at the table. She looked at me so seriously and asked, "Why hasn't anybody called the police (pronounced PO lees)" I said, "What are you talking about?" She said, in a jumbled manner, leaving off syllables and omitting words like she does, "You know, about them holding us up in here.....(something something) all the foolishness..(jabber jabber jabber)" I guess she thought Kelli, Dawn, and Deana were holding us at gun point and wouldn't let us watch TV or go to bed.

Hello World

Hooo Boy! Moma woke up like today was her first day on Earth. At first I thought she was going to be a little nasty. She came into the kitchen and growled, "You got anything to eat?" Then acted kind of smart when I gave her the cinnamon roll. But when I sat down next to her to read the paper, she said, "Julie, where'd you get this cup?" It was a keepsake type coffee mug from her church. "Moma, that is yours. It came from your house" was my reply. She pondered that for a minute and then said, "I didn't know......(long pause), what went with all my stuff?" We re-played that conversation at least twice. I had to remind her where every stick of furniture from her house is and who bought the house.
A minute or so later, she looked up at the sign we post every day (with the day and date) and said, "Christmas is over, isn't it?" I shook my head. She then said, "I didn't get nothing did I?" What a sad existence. I cannot understand why God is leaving her here in this condition. Thankfully, He has a plan; a perfect one, and I do not have to second guess it. He will take her in his way and time.

Red Lobster

After the excitement of Sunday morning, you would think things at my house would calm down. Uh..not hardly. Monday morning about 2am, Moma heard someone knocking on her door, so she got up to check that out. I got her back in the bed. No sooner had I laid down, Kerry heard her in the kitchen. He got up and blasted her. He escorted her back to her room. In no less than 20 minutes, she was up again. Kerry really let her have it this time. He threatened to lock her door so she would "never get out" as he put it. Needless to say, this was her last adventure.
I awoke about 7ish with plans to wear her out so she would sleep. I got her up at 8:00 (ignoring all the protests), fed her breakfast. She tried sleeping at the table. I kept talking loud to her and making noise so she couldn't sleep. Finally, I let her go back to her room to lie down for a few minutes, but told her she would have to get dressed to go out with me. She argued, I ignored. I got her up about 10:00, and told her to get dressed. Some day I will write down the ritual of the getting dressed routine. It is unbelievable.
We loaded up in the car (the whole way out the door she argued that it was too cold, and she needed to go back in). I did some running around, and allowed her to sit in the car and wait. Then we met Rebekah at Red Lobster for lunch. There was a wait, so this is always a chance for her to act up (and she did). Some kind folks got up and let her sit down. Two ladies with small children came in. The older one (assuming grandmother, but very young) had the diaper bag. Moma pointed at her and said, "Look at that! I wouldn't be caught dead carrying something like that. That is ridiculous". I leaned over and said, "Shhhh! What are you talking about?" She said, "Look!" and pointed again. "Moma! That is a diaper bag." She thought it was the lady's purse.
Then we were seated, and poor Arnold was our waiter. He did not know what to think of the princess. She looked at Rebekah and said, "If I had the money, I'd eat out all during Christmas! Reckon I could find an old man who'd have me? Aww...after we'uz married, he'd say I don't want to go out". Rebekah and I almost had to be carted out. Arnold, God love him, probably thought we were laughing at him.

Don't say " I told you so"

In light of my recent decision, I hesitate to even post this. But I prayed about my decision and I still stand by it. But.....what in the world was I thinking when I insisted that Moma come live with me?
This morning at 5:45, she woke me. "Julie....you might want to come turn this water off". She was so calm. I flew back the covers and within minutes landed in moving water. It almost covered my feet. The toilet was overflowing like a waterfall. You could hear it dripping down into my basement. Kerry and I mopped water while she stood in the way and insisted that she did not do that. The water flowed down into Christopher's room and my storage room where all my decorations that I did not use this year (BECAUSE OF HER) were stored. I am guessing that they are now worthless. I won't even address the smell.
Apparently, you cannot flush the cardboard tube the toilet paper is wound around.

A favorite memory

One of my favorite memories from my childhood with Moma is the Christmas play at her church. Every year, she would come pick me up and take me to her church's Christmas play. The only thing I actually remember ever happening during the program was my cousin sang "Oh Holy Night" one year. But at the end of the program every year, they handed out gifts from under the tree. Moma would always have one wrapped under the tree for me. It would thrill my soul when they called my name to come up and get my gift. I can still see the insides of that old church. What precious memories.

Children are a gift from God

I have always heard and thought that children were God's gift to us. That is the FIRST childhood. My grandmother is going through her LAST childhood. Ugh....

My children have always delighted in the annual making of Christmas goodies. I fill tins for our neighbors and friends with various things the kids and I have made. This has been a family tradition for 24 years. I love to give to other people. I love the goodness brought out of people at Christmas time....yes, I realize I am a little hokey about Christmas. BUT, cooking these tasty treats with Moma in the house is a nightmare. If you are a long time reader, you know from Christmases past how she acts. If you haven't read them, go back to the archives and pull it up. Precious.

Yesterday, after I fed her breakfast, I decided to try to throw something easy together when she went back for her mid-morning siesta. As usual, a mistake. I was pouring the chocolaty mixture into the pan for it to set, and I heard her coming. She asked the usual questions, and then went and stood over the pan. "Can I have one when you cut them?" she asked. "Sure" was my quick reply. She walked around the house a few minutes, and went back to bed (she had not gotten her nap out). While she slept, I cut the cookies and put them into tins. In just a bit, I heard her. She walked straight to the place where the pan, now in the sink, had been. Now, for someone who cannot remember what day it is and has to be told 49 times a day, her mind was fixated around this pan of chocolate oatmeal cookies and held fast. "Ohhh, I wanted one of them cookies...." she said very disappointed. I smiled to myself. "Sit down at the table and I'll get you one". She sat down and I got her a cookie and a glass of milk. Thinking all was well with the world, I returned to my vacuuming in the den. In a minute, I thought I heard her calling me. I turned off the vacuum to hear "I WANT ANOTHERRRRRR ONNNNNNNNNNE!" Great, my 4 year old autistic child wants another cookie.

I could go on and on. She was awful yesterday. She was in to everything. She got in the sacks of gifts waiting to me wrapped. She got into all the ingredients for other goodies I had on the counter. She rambled through the mail. I love Christmas, but with her, it is a train wreck Christmas. So, don't ask why I only have one tree this year. Don't ask about my lighted wreath on my chimney outside. Don't look for my snowman collection or any other Christmas lovelies. I am doing good to have a tree this year.

Ram it

Not 30 minutes after Moma went into a spell of "how much she appreciates Kerry and me" and how we'll never know how much she loves us, she told me to ram a cookie up my ass.
Precious.

Forgive me for this

I'll apologize for the side-stepping, but this post is not about her.

Yesterday I felt exactly what the Grinch must have felt when his heart began to grow. Not that I am a Grinch by any means because I love Christmas, and always have. My heart swelled with so much pride yesterday that my chest actually hurt. I cried all the way home. Let me explain.....
Several years ago I had a student who stole my heart. I won't go into details but his home life was not the best. I worried over him, I prayed over him, I washed his clothes, I bought him things, I ran interference for him with teachers....I treated him as my own. He grew up and moved on to the high school, but he would still call me on Mother's Day to wish me a happy one. I tried to keep up with him, but did not see him on a regular basis. He dropped in my school yesterday for a visit. He is in the engineering program in the US Army, stationed in GA. He is doing great! After a lengthy conversation with him, I know he has his head on straight. He is becoming everything I knew he could! He spoke with such wisdom and maturity. I was bursting with pride. After he left, he sent me a text telling me that he loved me (called me mama) and said I had brightened his whole week! The moral of this story is: You NEVER know who will be touched by your small act of kindness, your concern or your prayers. YOU can change the world with your words, your actions, and your prayers! Pay it forward!!!!!

Just Stand There

You probably need to know the layout of my kitchen to get this true picture, but my little princess stands in my way EVERY day all over the house, but especially in the kitchen. She comes between the table and the refrigerator and just stands there. So if someone comes to the door or I have to go into the dining room, I must go all the way around the table on the other side to get by her. If I open the refrigerator, I either hit her in the face or the back. SHE WILL NOT MOVE. She gets between me and the microwave too. She will stand at the sink and just look out the window while I travel around her to fix her breakfast. I mean, it is obvious that she is in the way, but she doesn't care because she is the princess and the whole solar system travels around her. BUT GOD FORBID I BE IN HER WAY! She will say, "excuse me" and stand there. I may be in the middle of something, but she will NOT go around. I say, "You could go around, you know." Her answer is "You could move too".
The royalty around here humbles me.

Repeat

Today has been a day of repeats. She would ask me a question, and I'd no sooner answer it and she'd ask it again. The day of the week, where was I going, where is Kerry, if Bek is going to spend the night, does Bek like school? And on and on and on.........
Sigh!
She may have a UTI. I took a specimen to the doctor's office Friday morning around 9, but they obviously do not give a hoot about their patients. I have YET to hear from that test.

Pet?

Do you like pets? Imagine having a pet chimpanzee. That is what having Moma around is like. She picks up everything, opens it, smells it, looks it over, tastes if (if appropriate). She will pocket things she wants. She will rearrange the counters. She picks at her arms and legs. She spits out tiny pieces of food stuck in her dentures. And makes noise CONSTANTLY!!
What is their life span?

Decision made, no regrets

When I started this blog, I wanted it to be an honest portrayal of what it is like to have an elderly person live with you when living alone is no longer possible. I have not been completely honest. For privacy reasons, I have kept something from you for almost a week now.
Recently, an opening came up in a private care home, in my community. I was encouraged by many to take the opportunity to put Moma there, and un-burden my life. I made the call, I got the information. I shared it with my sister. Then I prayed. I called on some of my prayer warrior friends to help. I only asked that they pray that I make the right decision for Moma (not me). Several commented to me that they felt I should do this for my sanity; that I had done my part. I continued to pray. I pleaded with the Lord for a clear answer, a sign to know what to do. But as is His way (and the answer I hate), He said, "Wait". Wait for what? I pouted but continued pleading for His wisdom. While I was doing laundry Sunday, the answer begin to come to me. "Are you doing this for selfish reasons?" was the question that kept coming to mind. Long story short....the ONLY unselfish reason I was considering it was my precious husband's health. But after he assured me that he was not an issue, and for me not to even consider him as one; he was fine. "Okay Lord, you are right. It is about 95% for selfish reasons. "There is your answer", I felt Him say. Peace. I felt peace. God did not call me into this for ME. He asked me to sacrifice, but promised to meet my needs. He has. I am selfish. I want it all. That is NOT His plan for me. He does not call the equipped. He equips the called. I am called for this mission. Yes, I feel peace.