Church Picnic

Tonight was our July 4th celebration on July 5th! Our church had a picnic at Noccalula Falls. I sort of waited until after lunch to spring it on Moma that she was going with us. She is not a fan of our church (due to the extreme dislike of her deceased sister-in-law, who was a member of our church). She asked me who was "getting it up" and I told her our church. She asked a million questions about who would be there, etc. We were in the car at the time, as I had run an errand and taken her along for the ride. When we got into the house, she went straight to her room. I thought she might lie down for a bit, but when I went into her room to pick out her clothes, there she sat, dressed up, ready to go. She was packing her purse with Kleenex and diapers.
We arrived at the picnic and several folks met us to greet her. She loves all that attention!! She couldn't call any names, but she remembered several of our family friends. I got her to a table, and people were still coming up to her, telling her how glad they were that she came. She was ALL IN HER ELEMENT!!! (being the center of attention). I had to tell her to be quiet when Bro. Vince said the blessing. I fixed her plate with the help of my life-long friend, Greg Fails. (Thanks Gregory! I love you man!) She couldn't wait to tear into that plate of food. She tore (literally) her hamburger to smithereens. Kerry says her plate looks like a hamster has been in it. She ate most everything on her plate.
As people were finishing up their food, the band was getting ready to play. Bro. Paul opened up with a patriotic song, but next came "I'll Fly Away". Moma sang along. I told her I'd go get us something sweet. She said, "What do they have?" I said, "I don't know, but I'll just go get us some stuff". She smirked, "Well, I don't know what I want if I don't know what they have!" I offered to let her go to the table with me, but that wouldn't do. I know what she wanted....she wanted me to go to the table and come back and tell her what was up there. I left her sitting! I got 2 plates (Thanks Kathey for your help) and put a variety of things on both. I chose one particular piece of cake for myself because it had Philadelphia Cream Cheese icing. (Yummmm) Of course, it goes without saying, she wanted that off my plate. Then...she eyed Greg's dessert plate. He had a rice krispy treat. She wanted some of it. (The very idea) He gave her a small piece and he and Kathey were afraid she couldn't chew it. She took one bite and made a face. "EWWWWWWWWYUCK!!!" She said, and tossed it in her plate, leaned over to me and said, "That is the nearest nothing I've ever eaten!" Everyone else was amused (I was not). She continued eating what she wanted off both our plates, and the singing continued. They sang one song she knew, and she cut loose. It was so cute. People around her were noticing her singing and smiling. I got teary eyed.....until the next song. She didn't know it, so she leaned in to me and said, "Well, that's the sorriest singing I ever heard! Why don't they sing something everybody can sing along to?" I passed that on to Kerry and he told Greg and Kathey what she said. Greg, being the clown that he is, held up the rice krispy treat and said, "sorrier than THIS?" We all laughed!
But I saved the most precious part for last. I asked her before I went to the bathroom if she needed to go, she said she did not. I returned, and guess what?? You got it! So, off we go to the bathroom. I got her purse. She said, "I don't need my purse!" I said, "I brought it in case you needed a diaper". She said, "Well, I guess I will 'cause I'm PEEING ALL OVER MYSELF RIGHT NOW!!!" Nice. After I got her into the stall, handed her a clean diaper and took the soiled one. I opened her purse and found pay dirt! She had one hamburger patty wrapped up in a napkin, one piece of fudge in another napkin, one brownie in a Kleenex. I tossed the fudge and the hamburger patty. I let her keep the brownie, although I know my dogs will be throwing it up tomorrow. Sigh...Happy Birthday America! You are a GRAND old lady!